[Mature] Sex questions (compassion required for this thread)

[glitterboypilot]

Gjornia X

@glitterboy: Thanks! I know guys who are not like that, who feel like I do. I just always find myself dumbfounded when approached by the other type. It makes me think of that 'what does darkness have to do with light' verse. My confusion is a testament to that verse :p

Confusion is natural. I have quite a few friends, who belong to that club, mentioned in your first post, and the female version of it. But, knowing them doesn't change, who I am. Just because you disagree on one level doesn't mean you can't agree on a second.

You have a voice, and it is equally as powerful as his. I would suggest using it, when you and he disagree, in a calm and peaceful manner.

There are going to be people you can get along with, and those you can't. When you meet those you can't, and those you can, just hold true to yourself and your beliefs... and you can't go too far wrong. razz  

[Diosu]

I really want to have sex. I'm tired of being a 25 year old virgin. But apparently premarital sex isn't allowed. So what options do I have for sexual release? Every time I look at porn I feel guilty afterwards, and it only makes me want to have sex more. I can't even have sex in my dreams anymore. I used to be able to, but now every time I try the person I try having sex with turns into a monster or the dream just turns black and I wake up. Christians say that being a virgin is a good thing, but the world says it's not. I would side with other Christians here, but I just have this desire to have sex that will not go away. It's like this primal need that creeps up on me that I feel sometimes. I don't even know why I want to have sex. Because other people do it? I don't know.  

[Shanna66]

Sasune

I really want to have sex. I'm tired of being a 25 year old virgin. But apparently premarital sex isn't allowed. So what options do I have for sexual release? Every time I look at porn I feel guilty afterwards, and it only makes me want to have sex more. I can't even have sex in my dreams anymore. I used to be able to, but now every time I try the person I try having sex with turns into a monster or the dream just turns black and I wake up. Christians say that being a virgin is a good thing, but the world says it's not. I would side with other Christians here, but I just have this desire to have sex that will not go away. It's like this primal need that creeps up on me that I feel sometimes. I don't even know why I want to have sex. Because other people do it? I don't know.

dont listen to your religion and dont listen to society. just do whatever you feel is right for you. if you really want to have sex then go for it, but if you would rather wait then thats fine too. if you are unsure then try praying, no one speaks for god but god

masturbation tends to help alot too wink  

[rmcdra]

Sasune

I really want to have sex. I'm tired of being a 25 year old virgin. But apparently premarital sex isn't allowed. So what options do I have for sexual release? Every time I look at porn I feel guilty afterwards, and it only makes me want to have sex more. I can't even have sex in my dreams anymore. I used to be able to, but now every time I try the person I try having sex with turns into a monster or the dream just turns black and I wake up. Christians say that being a virgin is a good thing, but the world says it's not. I would side with other Christians here, but I just have this desire to have sex that will not go away. It's like this primal need that creeps up on me that I feel sometimes. I don't even know why I want to have sex. Because other people do it? I don't know.

It's your age and hormones that are pushing this desire, it's normal to have these urges and not anything you should feel guilty about. The only virtue I can really see of virginity is that it shows that you understand your urges and that you don't let them control you but that's not your case. It's fear in your case. Based on what you've shared it seems that part of the reason you're so focused on sex is not only because of hormones and natural urges but fear of what's going to happen when you do it, what its like, just not knowing what sex is like in general. The question you should be asking yourself is why are you afraid of having sex. Is it a legitimate fear or a fear that's in your head? Why are you feeling so guilty concerning sex? Are you thinking that the God who has mercy beyond comprehension is going to punish you.

Some guilt is necessary if you are looking to change some aspect of yourself, but too much guilt is self destructive. It can manifest in ways that you don't want like ticks or psychoses or it can change you into an adversary (the closet gay who's a homophobe/gay basher for example). I'm not going to tell you go out and have sex with someone, but I am going to advise that you explore yourself and ask these questions. Answering these questions may involve getting intimate with someone but it might not, it's about answering your questions for yourself. What you fear is hiding in the darkness of your mind. You need to expose it to the light of truth and it is introspective questions that reveals what lurks in the shadows. Sex and your sexual urges are your monster but is it really a monster or a shadow of some everyday item hiding in the darkness of your bedroom. I'm not going to lie it can be scary to plunge into the darkness but you have to if you want to have salvation from your fears. Just trust that the light of Christ is with you as long as you stay honest with yourself.

Edit: I wouldn't feel as guilty as you do about masturbation. It's a bodily urge like peeing and pooping. Sometimes you can hold it in, sometimes you can't. Like peeing and pooping, you do it in appropriate places at appropriate times.  

[Diosu]

rmcdra

Sasune

I really want to have sex. I'm tired of being a 25 year old virgin. But apparently premarital sex isn't allowed. So what options do I have for sexual release? Every time I look at porn I feel guilty afterwards, and it only makes me want to have sex more. I can't even have sex in my dreams anymore. I used to be able to, but now every time I try the person I try having sex with turns into a monster or the dream just turns black and I wake up. Christians say that being a virgin is a good thing, but the world says it's not. I would side with other Christians here, but I just have this desire to have sex that will not go away. It's like this primal need that creeps up on me that I feel sometimes. I don't even know why I want to have sex. Because other people do it? I don't know.

It's your age and hormones that are pushing this desire, it's normal to have these urges and not anything you should feel guilty about. The only virtue I can really see of virginity is that it shows that you understand your urges and that you don't let them control you but that's not your case. It's fear in your case. Based on what you've shared it seems that part of the reason you're so focused on sex is not only because of hormones and natural urges but fear of what's going to happen when you do it, what its like, just not knowing what sex is like in general. The question you should be asking yourself is why are you afraid of having sex. Is it a legitimate fear or a fear that's in your head? Why are you feeling so guilty concerning sex? Are you thinking that the God who has mercy beyond comprehension is going to punish you.

Some guilt is necessary if you are looking to change some aspect of yourself, but too much guilt is self destructive. It can manifest in ways that you don't want like ticks or psychoses or it can change you into an adversary (the closet gay who's a homophobe/gay basher for example). I'm not going to tell you go out and have sex with someone, but I am going to advise that you explore yourself and ask these questions. Answering these questions may involve getting intimate with someone but it might not, it's about answering your questions for yourself. What you fear is hiding in the darkness of your mind. You need to expose it to the light of truth and it is introspective questions that reveals what lurks in the shadows. Sex and your sexual urges are your monster but is it really a monster or a shadow of some everyday item hiding in the darkness of your bedroom. I'm not going to lie it can be scary to plunge into the darkness but you have to if you want to have salvation from your fears. Just trust that the light of Christ is with you as long as you stay honest with yourself.

Edit: I wouldn't feel as guilty as you do about masturbation. It's a bodily urge like peeing and pooping. Sometimes you can hold it in, sometimes you can't. Like peeing and pooping, you do it in appropriate places at appropriate times.

It's not the masturbation part that I feel guilty of, it's the masturbating to porn part.  

[rmcdra]

Sasune

It's not the masturbation part that I feel guilty of, it's the masturbating to porn part.

So why do you feel guilty about masturbating to porn but not masturbating without it? What makes porn different from other forms of stimulation?  

[Diosu]

rmcdra

Sasune

It's not the masturbation part that I feel guilty of, it's the masturbating to porn part.

So why do you feel guilty about masturbating to porn but not masturbating without it? What makes porn different from other forms of stimulation?

I don't know, it just makes me feel bad afterwards. I read a book with a Christian study group called Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey, and it said that masturbating to porn is like idol worshiping. I don't remember the exact details, but in our group we were trying not to look at porn anymore. Jesus also said that if you look at a woman sexually, you are committing adultery. Now, I realize I'm not married, but what if I do get married and I'm still looking at porn? It was hard for me to break out of the habit, and if I start looking at it again I'm going to have problems quitting again.

Anyway, whenever I pray to God, I make a promise not to masturbate to porn and I try to keep that promise.  

[rmcdra]

Sasune

I don't know, it just makes me feel bad afterwards. I read a book with a Christian study group called Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey, and it said that masturbating to porn is like idol worshiping. I don't remember the exact details, but in our group we were trying not to look at porn anymore. Jesus also said that if you look at a woman sexually, you are committing adultery. Now, I realize I'm not married, but what if I do get married and I'm still looking at porn? It was hard for me to break out of the habit, and if I start looking at it again I'm going to have problems quitting again.

Anyway, whenever I pray to God, I make a promise not to masturbate to porn and I try to keep that promise.

You might want to try to at least identify for yourself why porn makes you feel bad but not other forms of stimulation.

The context of the passage is the Law vs. the Spirit of the Law. Those that followed the Law literally would pride themselves as being holy. That's missing the forest for the trees. As for if you're married and looking at porn still, what if your future wife looks at porn too? What if she enjoys looking at porn with you? What if she can't satisfy sexual urges that porn can? There's a lot of what ifs you aren't considering if you are going to think of what ifs. I would hope that whatever future spouse you have would understand and accept you as I would hope that you would them as well. The fact that you can still get stimulated without porn says that it doesn't seem to be a problem yet. It will become a problem if you let it get in the way of becoming intimate with your lover (not just sexually) or if your lover does not accept the fact that you like looking at porn.

God understands that you are human and what your limits are. If you are really wanting to let go of porn, understand that God understands what your going through and wants what's best for you as everyone of God's children. God's mercy is beyond our comprehension. I don't envision God holding you to any promises that you are unable to keep.  

[Diosu]

rmcdra

Sasune

I don't know, it just makes me feel bad afterwards. I read a book with a Christian study group called Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey, and it said that masturbating to porn is like idol worshiping. I don't remember the exact details, but in our group we were trying not to look at porn anymore. Jesus also said that if you look at a woman sexually, you are committing adultery. Now, I realize I'm not married, but what if I do get married and I'm still looking at porn? It was hard for me to break out of the habit, and if I start looking at it again I'm going to have problems quitting again.

Anyway, whenever I pray to God, I make a promise not to masturbate to porn and I try to keep that promise.

You might want to try to at least identify for yourself why porn makes you feel bad but not other forms of stimulation.

The context of the passage is the Law vs. the Spirit of the Law. Those that followed the Law literally would pride themselves as being holy. That's missing the forest for the trees. As for if you're married and looking at porn still, what if your future wife looks at porn too? What if she enjoys looking at porn with you? What if she can't satisfy sexual urges that porn can? There's a lot of what ifs you aren't considering if you are going to think of what ifs. I would hope that whatever future spouse you have would understand and accept you as I would hope that you would them as well. The fact that you can still get stimulated without porn says that it doesn't seem to be a problem yet. It will become a problem if you let it get in the way of becoming intimate with your lover (not just sexually) or if your lover does not accept the fact that you like looking at porn.

God understands that you are human and what your limits are. If you are really wanting to let go of porn, understand that God understands what your going through and wants what's best for you as everyone of God's children. God's mercy is beyond our comprehension. I don't envision God holding you to any promises that you are unable to keep.

Another thing I want to talk about is, is that I may actually be afraid of having sex because I don't want to get any STDs. I don't know if my future partner would want to get tested for me, or if it would be a trust issue. I don't know how I would cope with having herpes or any other uncurable disease if I contracted it.  

[rmcdra]

Sasune

Another thing I want to talk about is, is that I may actually be afraid of having sex because I don't want to get any STDs. I don't know if my future partner would want to get tested for me, or if it would be a trust issue. I don't know how I would cope with having herpes or any other uncurable disease if I contracted it.

If you are going to be sexual with someone then if either of you are uncomfortable with talking about sexual history or getting tested then neither of you are ready for sex. It says that you have a long way to go in your relationship. If you got a cold how would you cope with that? If you lost an arm how would you cope with that? You go to a doctor and get yourself treated. It doesn't make you less of a person for going to a doctor or getting a cold or a lost arm treated does it, why is getting an STD treated any different? Now I don't know what it's like to get or have an STD since I was abstinent till I was in my early 20s and when I was sexual with someone, I was monogamous. If you are wanting to have sex, learn about safe sex so you can minimize your risk of catching something. THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE HERE. Safe Sex and STD prevention. Again this is not an endorsement or saying to go out and do it. This is just information that I'm throwing out here from the least biased source I could find.  

[Diosu]

rmcdra

Sasune

Another thing I want to talk about is, is that I may actually be afraid of having sex because I don't want to get any STDs. I don't know if my future partner would want to get tested for me, or if it would be a trust issue. I don't know how I would cope with having herpes or any other uncurable disease if I contracted it.

If you are going to be sexual with someone then if either of you are uncomfortable with talking about sexual history or getting tested then neither of you are ready for sex. It says that you have a long way to go in your relationship. If you got a cold how would you cope with that? If you lost an arm how would you cope with that? You go to a doctor and get yourself treated. It doesn't make you less of a person for going to a doctor or getting a cold or a lost arm treated does it, why is getting an STD treated any different? Now I don't know what it's like to get or have an STD since I was abstinent till I was in my early 20s and when I was sexual with someone, I was monogamous. If you are wanting to have sex, learn about safe sex so you can minimize your risk of catching something. THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE HERE. Safe Sex and STD prevention. Again this is not an endorsement or saying to go out and do it. This is just information that I'm throwing out here from the least biased source I could find.

Herpes is a huge concern for me because you can get it by sexual contact, and if the other person has herpes but doesn't have any sores, you can still get it. Not to mention it would harder to have sex with other people in the future if I had herpes. Someone would have to really love me if it meant they had to get herpes. I know some people who have herpes who don't even have sex with their partner because they don't want their partner to get it. So the reasons for not wanting to get herpes is two-fold. Considering it can't be cured, it's silly to compare it to a cold.  

[rmcdra]

Sasune

Herpes is a huge concern for me because you can get it by sexual contact, and if the other person has herpes but doesn't have any sores, you can still get it. Not to mention it would harder to have sex with other people in the future if I had herpes. Someone would have to really love me if it meant they had to get herpes. I know some people who have herpes who don't even have sex with their partner because they don't want their partner to get it. So the reasons for not wanting to get herpes is two-fold. Considering it can't be cured, it's silly to compare it to a cold.

Facts on Genital Herpes. One in six people between the ages of 14-49 are estimated to have it. Doesn't seem to be very uncommon with odds like that. Also with those kind of odds, I'm now questioning the stigma associated with genital herpes. No, there is not cure for it but it is treatable and manageable. Again this is why being willing to talk about your sexual history is very important if you are going to be sexual. If your partner is unwilling to talk about sex history and partners then you shouldn't be having sex. If herpes is your biggest fear, then the CDC advises that you should remain abstinent or only seek a monogamous relationship with someone who is uninfected and been tested for it. That's the surest way of not contracting it.