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Cherry Coke
I’m an addict. I’ve been an addict. I can admit it, especially as I’m cutting my latest purchase, making sure it’s what I paid for. I guess in a way I just pretend to know if it’s the good stuff. It all looks the same. The only way to tell really is to try it…but even then…
I cut out a small piece. I’m not a heavy user, though I’ve gotten to the point where I need it almost hourly. I snort what I take. For most it’s barely enough to pass the craving, but it’s what I started with and what I’ve forced myself to always use. I sigh as the high sets in and relax against my bed for a bit, letting it sooth my nerves. Withdrawal was hard.
“Dust, do you want dinner, sweetie?”
I opened my eyes to the room. “Huh?”
“Dinner? It’s ready if you’re hungry,” said my mom.
“K,” I mumbled sleepily. I sighed and got up, taking another pinch of my dust to hold me over through dinner, and made my way out through the living room and to the kitchen. My little brother and little sister jumped on me happily when they saw me. They loved me even though I was only their half brother. I was from my mom’s first marriage. My step dad left her just like my dad had. Sometimes I wonder if she hated me for it. It always seemed to be because of me…though so far no one had found out I was on anything.
I sat down at the table after getting my siblings settled in their own seats. It was a basic dinner, hamburgers and mac’n cheese. We had this three or four times a week. The burgers always taste like s**t though.
Homework was next. I got mine done, probably only half as well as I’d be able to do it if I was completely sober, then tried to help my brother and sister with theirs. They were smart kids. I hoped to gawd that they don’t want to be just like big-brother Dusty.
My mom approached me later while I was doing the dishes. “What?”
“You know what,” she said.
I sighed and put the plate down, drying off my hands and reaching into my back pocket. My wallet was lighter from my buy that afternoon, but there was still about fifty in there. I handed it over.
“Thank you. How was school today?” she asked, putting it in her own purse.
“Lame,” I mumbled.
“Pass your test?”
“I dunno.” She nodded and left the kitchen and the real world for the evening. Going into her room to do gawd knows what. I finished up the dishes and did the same, skipping my dose for the evening and going straight to bed again.
“Dustin! Brotha! Whatcha got for ya fav cous?” asked Martin. He was the blackest white boy I knew, and he slouched over to me in his too big clothes, his movements “gangsta” if you can even attempt to believe it.
“I got nothin,” I said, continuing on.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Got it on good terms zat’chu bought yesta’day. Good stuff too. Don’t hold back on me now,” he said, grabbing me and staring at me as though he couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to give him a cut.
“You got five?” I asked.
“No.”
“Well then you’re not gettin any. That s**t’s gotta last me a month, and it is good s**t. Go make your own money you wanna high,” I said and I tugged free from his grip, continuing on to the school and hoping no one heard us or understood what we were talking about. Most people ignored it, but there were still those few goodie-goodies that were waiting for the chance to be a hero. I don’t need a hero.
Classes were boring, as usual. I was glad I took a dose before I started. By the end of the day I was stumbling over myself and pissy as hell. I took more as soon as I got home, relaxing for a minute before I got ready for work.
**
“Jaden, stop it,” said my mom sharply, tapping Jaden on the hands.
“I don’t wanna!” the boy screamed again. I finally snapped.
“Well you better get used to it, because whether you want to or not you’re going to do it, so stop your bitchin,” I said sharply. Mom snapped at me for swearing, but Jaden stopped. Vick clung to me instead of crying and I sighed, leaning against the building we were standing outside of and looking up at the sky.
“Lemme take the girl, Dust,” said my papa. I handed her over and she went, giving me a chance to rest my arms. Neither of them were light anymore.
“How much longer do we have to stand here?” I was tired and I needed a hit.
“Dust, we only bring your brother and sister for a check up every three months, you need one too. I’m sorry that we have to come here, but I can’t afford anything else,” she said.
“I’m not gunna stand here all day,” I snapped.
“Then don’t!” she yelled back. I huffed and pushed off the wall, but as I was walking away I had to stop. What was this?
It started light, a slight dusting of red powder falling from above me. I looked up and blinked away at bits that fell into my face. Soon it went from light to heavy. There was a storm of red. People were stepping out of buildings, getting out of their cars and staring. I held out my hands and let the stuff fill them. What the ******** was this?
People started coughing not long after that as they breathed in the dust. I quickly grabbed my headband and tugged at it, turning a clear part around and covering my mouth and nose. I turned back to where my mom was and saw them rushing to get in the building with everyone else. I followed.
The medical staff literally hosed everyone down after a while, locking the doors when the building was too full to take any more people. I was pissed when they got me wet but was glad they didn’t strip me themselves. They gave me a spare set of scrubs and sent me into an empty room to change. I eagerly pulled out my stash and snuffed a bit, same amount as always despite how long it’d been since I took a hit. I shoved it into the pocket of the scrubs. With all the drama, I doubt anyone would notice.
My brother, sister, mom and papa were all given the same treatment and we were ushered into a room of our own. They were all acting a little strange, wired. It was weird.
“Mom? Are you all right?” She just shook her head. Vicky and Jaden were still crying and both of them were breathing heavy. Papa had since pulled out his cot to sleep.
I took the kids somewhere else after a while, one to give mom a chance to rest, she was pale and didn’t look well, and two, to find something to help the kids relax. They were given food, and one of the counselors in the building took them to try and get them to relax. I sat down and had something to eat, finding a magazine to read, then walked around until I came to the annex room. The news was on, talking about the weird s**t everywhere. Apparently there were a lot of different places trying to identify it. So far they all say it’s a version of a common drug. I don’t believe it. I’ve seen drugs of all sorts and so far none of them have been a red powder. Besides…what kind of drug falls from the sky?
A few hours later the spazzing nature of everyone around me settled down. So now, instead of geeking out and acting like they had no idea where they were, everyone was sitting around acting like they were numb. Some people didn’t respond to anything at all. It was freaky. A few of the doctors that had been treating people got the stuff on them, so they were zombie people too, and the rest of the doctors kept away.
I found them back in the lounge, far into the hospital where people were told to keep away. They jumped when they saw me walking around and a few kept away from me, but I found a doctor.
“What the hells going on?” I asked. He seemed to sigh with relief.
“You’re not infected?”
“Infected with what?”
“With whatever’s making everyone else act that way.”
“What is it?” I asked, sitting down. I spied a beer and snatched it.
“Are you old enough to drink?”
“Does it matter?”
The guy shrugged and plopped down in a seat next to me. “So far, all we’ve heard is that it’s a common street drug, only severely enhanced. They tested it on rats and so far the effects haven't worn off, only gotten stronger. We’re back here trying to stay away. Some of us need to keep our heads. I wonder why it’s not getting to you,” he said. “You were outside, we had to hose you down, didn’t we?”
I just nodded. “Yeah, but speaking of drugs…” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little baggie. It’d been too long. The doctor looked alarmed but I did what I needed anyway, and tucked the bag away as he went to snatch it.
“Are you out of your mind!”
“No, I’m saner than anyone else in this joint. Back off,” I said, snuffing and tapping at my nose.
“That’s a lethal drug, boy, you need to get off it now.”
I snorted, wincing at the dry feeling in my nose. “It’s all right, I’ve already planned for my death at thirty five. Let it go, doc. I ain’t worth anything anyway.” The man sighed and fought with himself and I just snorted again, sipping carefully at the beer. I couldn’t finish it now.
“You should stop it for your family.”
“My family doesn’t need me,” I mumbled. They didn’t.
The doctor sighed. “Whatever.” Gawd did he sound exasperated.
“So how much time before we run out of supplies?”
“A couple weeks. It depends primarily on how much people need to eat. Gawd, this is a nightmare.”
“It’s not a nightmare, it’s reality. Believe me, I’ve had nightmares. You don’t want to know what’s in there.” I sighed and got to my feet, walking over to one of the snack machines and popping in a couple quarters for a bag of chips. “Should I even bother?”
“Probably not. The keys are in here somewhere, not sure where ******** keys,” I said and I grabbed a stack of papers, sliding free the paperclip and straightening it out. It took me a few minutes, but it wasn’t like I did it very often. The thing popped open and I grabbed a few bags of chips, throwing them onto the table. There was some popcorn, so I grabbed that too, and crackers. I let it close on the paperclip, pointing to it when I looked back at the guy.
“Thanks,” he said.
I shrugged. “I’m gunna take this up and see if anyone’s hungry. I shoulda checked on them a while ago.” The doctor nodded and I took my stash and hurried up to the room we’d been given. The kids were still out with the nurse. I should probably look for them.
Mom and papa were veggin out completely when I got upstairs. They took the offered food deftly, opening the bags with weak hands and munching halfheartedly on the food. Gawd, they were all way worse than I was when high. I left what I had there and hurried back out, finding the kids to discover they were in the same state. I fed them from the vending machine in the annex, then made my way back to where that doctor was.
They seemed even more nervous this next time and I quickly found the doctor I’d been talking to earlier.
“What’s going on?”
He looked down at me and I could tell he was a mess. “News…the whole city’s going out, block after block. We’re—,”
Screams blocked out the rest of his words as the building shuddered and lights exploded. I ducked, covering my head and neck, and dropped to my knees, the doctor doing the same. No one stopped or looked up until the building stopped shaking. I jumped to my feet and rushed around the building, checking to make sure that my brother and sister were all right and then up to see that my mom and papa were too. Everyone looked good, if not completely blank, so I made my way back down once again to the same reports from everyone else.
“So now what?” I asked.
The doctor sighed. “I dunno. With the power out all our food will go bad. We need canned goods, and I know for a fact that I don’t have that much here.” He looked to me. “Can you drive?”
I stared. “Oh what, the crack addict has to be the savior? Yeah, I can ******** drive, gimme some keys and I’ll go ******** look around for food.” He smiled a bit and handed me his car keys, telling me the type of vehicle and the license plate. I sighed and went on my way.
I hit any market along the way. Most of the store owners were completely vegged out and didn’t even notice I was there. I helped them out a little by grabbing a bag and opening it for them. They too ate deftly.
The car was completely loaded down by the time I got back, not only with canned goods, but with anything in a jar and sealed bag that I could get my hands on. I pulled up and they gave me a laundry cart to transfer things into. No one wanted to go outside. There was that red s**t all over the place. It took a few trips, but I managed to get everything in and they hosed it all down. I was sent out again. And this time I had to go a little further. By early morning the next day they let me take a break. I took a hit of my dwindling cut, and passed out for a good few hours.
--- ---
I woke to screams. Screams and people running away from windows, things being piled in front of them, towels and sheets pressed into the cracks of doors. I stared, not daring to move until everyone that had been a veritable zombie until then stopped running about and instead sat huddled against the back wall, staring at the windows and doors in horror. I walked around until I found the doctor.
“What the hell is going on?”
The man sighed when he saw me. “Everyone started freaking out. Something about giant bugs, bees, something. They just started piling things up in front of the doors and the windows.”
I hummed and sat down at the table again, taking out my bag and sighing at the lame amount left. I’ll have to run home. “Did you see anything?” I snorted my small prize.
The man sighed. “I didn’t see any bugs…but what I did see was pretty disturbing.”
“How so?” I practically sighed it out.
He was silent for a minute. “You honestly don’t want to know.”
I hummed. “Oh really? So I take it you’re not going to send me out to find more s**t? There has to be other stuff we need,” I said.
He shrugged. “Well…come here, look out this window.” I managed to get myself up and I walked over, looking out at the world and its red tint. The dust had settled.
“What?”
“Don’t see anything?”
“I see dust.”
“No bugs.”
“I think any bug would be dead…or as high as these ******** sighed. “Then go ahead. If you have to take cover somewhere then do it. Don’t try to get back here if it means putting your life at risk. You’re our link to the outside world.” I shrugged and they let me get cleaned up a bit, a short shower and some clean clothes. There weren’t any jackets, but one of the women said there was a draft somewhere and it was cold. One of the heavy blankets was suddenly turned into a wrap for me and I got the doctors car keys again.
“Remember what I told you.”
“I remember.”
“We’ll take care of your family. Here’s a list of stuff to look for,” he said, handing me a piece of paper. It was covered in s**t. I just nodded.
“Wait, wait, wait,” called one of the nurses. He ran up and handed me his keys. “Take my truck. The thing’s huge. And if you find a discarded trailer then you can haul three times as much at once. He’s full up so it should get you to where you need to go.”
I took them and nodded. “Right.” Tucking a flap in front of my mouth I headed out. My first stop was my place. I grabbed what I had there, my stash included, and hurried out. I was close to the mall at this point so just decided to go there to get what I needed. They’d have it all there. Clothes, self-cleansing products, blankets, pillows, more food, and bottled water. I sighed and made my way over.
As luck would have it I did run into a discarded trailer. I unhooked it from the truck it was hooked to and emptied it, attaching it to the one I was driving instead. This would come real in handy. I parked practically at the mall entrance door and made my way inside. It was dark, but nothing was closed. I grabbed some carts and a couple bras, attaching the carts so I could get more in one go. I loaded them up with everything, all the tee-shirts, jeans, undergarments, shoes, whatever I could get my hands on, running back and forth until the trailer was full and I had to struggle to get it closed. Next, I went about the store, hitting the book store too so there was more to do. I filled the cart a few more times, getting a s**t load of plastic bags to put the books into. No good bringing them if they have to get sprayed off.
Finally I’d made my way to the end of the store. When I turned a corner to where most of what I needed was, I stopped dead.
There was blood on the floor. Blood and the carcasses of whatever animals from the pet store had been killed. I gagged and rushed back around, ripping the cloth from my mouth so I could be sick in the trashcan there. I huffed and panted, helping myself to a bottle of water to rinse my mouth out, and I took a rather large cut from the bag in my pocket. I needed to be numb.
It worked for the most part. I only had room in my mind to get what I needed to get. I made my way to another section of the mall after that. That’s where I met the ones that killed the little animals.
They looked rabid, but I didn’t stick around to make sure. I ran as fast as I could. That large cut nearly had me dying on my feet. I couldn’t run anymore, falling to the ground, gasping for air. It didn’t take long for the dogs to get to me. But I felt nothing. I take that back. I felt something and it wasn’t teeth. It was hands. They grabbed me, pulled me up, all the way up onto the second level. I didn’t even care. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I just passed out.
--- ---
“Hey. You’re not dead. You ever gunna wake up? Shouldn’t have taken so much of that s**t at once,” came a voice. It was deep, somewhere between soft and sharp, but I could hear a bit of concern. I groaned a bit in response and he snorted. “Surprised you’re not dead, that’s for sure.”
I opened my eyes and looked up at the guy, the light making my head pound. “Who’re you?” I croaked. My chest hurt.
“Name’s Kane. Who’re you?” He sounded like an a**.
“What’s it to ya?”
“I saved your a**, what’s your name.”
“Dust.”
“Liar.”
“No way.”
He stared down at me and slowly a grin spread across his face. He chuckled. “Well then, it’s nice to meet you. How do you feel?”
“Like s**t.”
“You coulda died.”
“Too bad I didn’t.”
He snorted. “So what’re you doing out here? Why aren’t you one of them zombie shits like the rest of em?”
“Why’re you askin me? You’re not a zombie. Ah.” I hissed as I sat up.
“Lay ******** you.”
“Whatever that s**t is doesn’t get to me. I didn’t go into shock like anyone, I didn’t go ******** crazy. Heard some people were freaking out about something. Powers out all over. You hungry?”
“Yeah.” He handed me some sort of instant soup. And it was hot. I hadn’t had anything hot in a long while. Tasted good.
“So where did you come from? You’re packing up a lot of s**t,” he said.
“Hospital. There’s a lot of people there…We needed food and water.”
“Zombie people?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. It was quiet from then, both of us sipping at some soup. “I wonder how long I’ve been gone.”
“You were only out for about an hour. Hey, do you think I could stay with you?”
I shrugged. “Do you have a car?”
“No.”
“Help me get some stuff?”
“Yeah.”
“You can come,” I said and I finished my soup. He grinned a bit, running a hand through his novelty cut, white hair. I noticed an earring, a gold one…it wasn’t on the friendly side. I looked away and sighed, ruffling up my own, too long brown hair.
“When you wanna leave?”
“Now’d be good.”
“All right, just one more thing.” He got up and walked into the dark room. I heard an odd whimper and he came back, a little lab puppy dangling from his arms. “Can I bring the puppy?” I just grinned.
The ride back was comfortable. It’d been a while since I’d just been able to have a nice conversation with someone, someone that actually seemed to understand me. The guy was nice, this Kane dude, and he drove us back. I held the pup in my lap, a bed and dog food at my feet, the rest of it piled up in the back seat with the stuff I grabbed from my house. I directed him back to the hospital and we pulled under the emergency awning. He and I took care of getting things brought in, everything, including the puppy and ourselves, being hosed down.
The doctor approached me again, frowning since I’d just taken a usual hit, and I looked up at him through my tired eyes. “What?”
“You got a lot of stuff. This should hold us over for a while.” I didn’t like his tone.
“What?”
He sighed. “You might want to check on your grandfather. He didn’t look so great last time someone checked on him. His blood pressure was through the roof…A lot of us don’t think it’ll be long. If we had power...”
I frowned, my heart leaping to my throat and my eyes stinging. I hadn’t cried in years. Slowly I got to my feet and followed him back to the room. My grandfather didn’t stick around to see me.
A soft hand rubbed my shoulder and I tossed it off. It tried again and I just pushed it away, trying to stifle my sobs. Two hands, one on each shoulder and I practically screamed. “Get the ******** away from me!”
“Dust—”
“No! I don’t want to hear your bullshit crap about it! I don’t ******** care what you think! You don’t ******** know me!” I couldn’t stop the sobs that found their way into the bed. I heard Kane sigh and the shush of a chair being tugged closer. He just sat there next to me, even as I sobbed, and he didn’t say anything.
I didn’t eat anything that night. They’d given me a little bit with my grandfather and then they moved him, putting him down in the freezer. It was still pretty cold down there. After that John (the doctor I’d been talking to) had tried to convince me to eat something, anything, but I wouldn’t have it. I took a hit though. At least some of the pain was gone…for now.
Kane had been sitting quietly next to me that whole time, trying to give me some sort of comfort. It wasn’t working.
“You should eat ******** you.”
“Keep offering.”
I glared at him and he shrugged. “Go find someone else to bother.”
“You should check on your mother…your siblings.”
I sighed. “Yeah…”
I found my mom curled in a corner in our room. The windows were completely barricaded and she didn’t even know when I came in.
“Mom…”
“Don’t go outside.”
“Mom.”
“It’s dangerous.”
“Mom…momma…papa—,”
“Dust get out!”
“But mom!”
“They want one of us! Get out!”
“Momma!”
“Get out!”
“MOM!”
“I WON’T DIE!”
“PAPA’S DEAD!”
Her answer was a scream and I just ran from the room. I didn’t stop until someone grabbed me and held me tight. I screamed and fought but not too much and I collapsed, panting, just barely crying, into the chest of whoever was holding me. They didn’t mind. Just held me tighter. My neck was rubbed softly, one arm holding me in a way that I hadn’t been held since I was little. I wanted to die right then, with that feeling, so that it’d never go away.
It was quiet for a while. Whoever was holding me flopped the both of us onto a couch and I dozed against them, my mind so ******** that I didn’t care who it was. I needed this.
“Hey…You really need to eat now.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t worry about it…It’s what I’m here for.”
I sighed and started to drift off. “******** you…” A hand smoothed over my head.
***
An hour later I was awake and talking to my brother and sister. They were sitting in a set of chairs, staring out the window, talking about bugs. The nurse said they hadn’t moved at all. I fed them and they ate without giving me any mind, still talking about the bugs. They didn’t even hear me when I told them about papa.
I sighed when I got back down to the back, just collapsing against a random wall. I fished in my pocket for the baggie and the ever diminishing powder. Where was I going to get more?
A puppy jumped in my lap and licked at my face. I sighed and scratched him a bit and he whimpered happily.
“C’mon, Pup, off’a him,” said Kane, walking over and grabbing the puppy in one big hand. The other held out another cup of instant soup and I sighed, taking it even though I didn’t really want it. Kane moved and sat down across from me. He’d taken off his jacket and his boots. He looked sinister in all black against the white wall, but very comfortable. “Eat.”
“I don’t know if I can hold it,” I mumbled.
“Try. You gotta try.” I sighed again and just sipped at it. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
“She was doomed to be crazy.”
“Your brother and sister.” I didn’t say anything. “This’ll get better.”
“What the ******** do you know? Found you hiding away in the mall…” I hated my life.
“It’ll be okay.”
“I’m sure…” I put my soup down and opened the baggie in my hand.
“You shouldn’t do that.”
“Why because it’ll kill me faster than whatever’s killing everyone else?”
“Stop…for me.”
“Why would I do anything for you?”
He pouted like a dipshit and held up the puppy. “Stop for Pup?”
I stared at him and opened the bag, taking a very small pinch and snuffing it quickly. Just that little bit did wonders on my nerves and I sighed. “S’good.”
“Why’d you start?”
I opened my eyes and stared at the pale man. “Felt like it.”
“Everyone has a reason.”
“I felt like it.”
“What about your father?”
I threw the cup of soup at him and it hit the wall next to him. I didn’t care. I got to my feet and walked away.
--- ---
“Candles….Well…what about lamps?” said Kane, looking at the list John had made.
“We’ll need lots of batteries,” I mumbled from the passenger seat.
“Well sure, batteries, oil, gas, whatever. I just couldn’t figure out why he only talked about candles. Oh well, let’s get rollin and see what we can find. What’s a nearby hardware store?” He pulled out of the secluded hospital parking lot and when he turned the corner I closed my eyes. All I’d seen was blood and remains of whatever made it. Kane was silent next to me for a minute before a hand went to my head. “It’s okay.”
“How is that okay?” He didn’t answer, instead continuing down the street. “What…what did that?”
He sighed. “The bugs.”
“What bugs…there weren’t any bugs.”
He sighed again. “They believed there was…that was enough for them…”
My throat almost closed. “Then…they…they did that to themselves?” Kane didn’t answer.
We made it through a few different places. Took every flashlight, oil lamp, and candle the stores had. Batteries were grabbed, but unfortunately we didn’t do as well as I had at the mall. We only managed to fill the trailer and toss a few things in the back of the truck. Kane took care of it all. He told me not to look.
We stopped at a gas station after that. Kane told me to hunker down in the cab while he filled the tank and a couple gallon jugs. He went pretty fast and soon I was sitting in the shower again, any dust on me washing away.
Kane nudged me with his foot, splashing some water on me while he was at it. “Huh?”
“You all right?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Water’s cold.”
“Besides that.”
I sighed. “I’m crashing.”
Kane nodded. “Why don’t we dry off and get some food?”
I sighed. If I had to.
--- ---
Kane and I were given a break for a while and our own room. I’d tried to go back and talk to my mom but she was even more delirious than before. My brother and sister were still just sitting.
Kane sighed from his bed. I could tell he was staring at me. “What?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Like s**t.”
“It’ll be better this way.”
“I bet.”
“I’m proud of you.”
I rolled until my back was to him.
“Don’t be like that.”
I ignored him. There was a clicking sound and my bed jerked beneath me. It shifted a bit with continued movement behind me and soon there was a blanket slung up to my shoulders, an arm around my waist, and hot breath on my neck. I went to sleep shortly after that.
--- ---
More people died. Old people…babies. Their hearts failed. Just like my papa’s. I worried about my brother and sister. Kane told me there wasn’t much I could do but hope for their lives.
People were screaming again that day. Kane told me to stay in the room. I didn’t listen. Apparently people were screaming about blood. There was blood pouring from the sky, seeping into the room. They locked the doors that led to where the people were staying to keep them out. The only blood they said they saw was blood from wounds that the people caused themselves. Kane forced me to stay away then.
Hands gripped my shoulders softly, but they felt like a vice and I jerked away. “Get the ******** away from me,” I hissed, my jaw clenched tight.
“It’ll help,” he said, his hands smoothing over my back. They felt like needles.
“Don’t touch me!”
“You need to relax, Dust.”
“I can’t ******** relax, so get the ******** away from me, you ******** b*****d!” I practically screamed. Kane removed his hands and sat still next to me instead. I huffed and tried to ignore him. Why was he so ******** annoying!? “I said get away from me! Why won’t you just leave me the ******** alone!?”
“Breathe, Dust.”
“Just leave me alone! I just want to be left alone! Why can’t you ******** understand that! Stay the ******** away from me you ******** crazy b*****d!” I stood, my chair falling over, and stumbled towards my bed, panting and huffed. I collapsed and my body started to shiver. I hurt. Kane laid down behind me again. Just his presence pissed me off. But I was too tired to move.
--- ---
There were continued screams about the rain. The blood pouring from the sky. I felt sick. I felt sick at the blood and carcasses I had seen the day before, I felt sick because I couldn’t go and check on my brother and sister, sick because I hadn’t eaten in nearing two days, sick of the screams…I hadn’t taken a hit in two days…
I was too weak to be angry when Kane came and went, curling up behind me and lending me what little strength he could. He didn’t touch me, and I was glad for it. I was a mess. Pup bothered me, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t have the will to do anything about it anyway.
“Here,” said Kane. I opened my eyes and saw some bread, actually buttered. The butter looked good. But I was afraid to eat. Kane sighed and grabbed me, carefully. My nerves frazzled and I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I rested against him when I was sitting up. “Try and eat a little bit of this. It’ll help you get over the drugs if you have something in your system. Eat, just a little.”
I stared at the bread and opened my mouth, ripping the corner off and chewing it down. It tasted weird. I figured it was the butter. I was able to finish it, but when I was done I had my face buried in Kane’s chest as I tried not to cry. He just hushed me and hugged me a bit.
I took a walk later, the back halls of the hospital, Kane there making sure I was all right.
“Why are we back here?” he asked after a bit.
I sighed and just kept walking for a bit, a little further, around another corner. “Because I can’t hear the screams.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because I’m not like them…” He knew what I meant.
--- ---
They let me take another shower, even though I hadn’t been going out. I passed out while I was in there. Kane stayed with me constantly after that.
They got me to eat the next day. Day three and I was so out of it they were afraid if I didn’t try to turn around there’d be no coming back. I heard someone say if I didn’t pick up I’d be gone by the end of the week. It didn’t really sound that bad. Kane and John forced food down my throat then, water following closely. It stayed down. I felt better by the end of the day…but I didn’t act like it. Kane was always there anyway.
My brother and sister died.
My mother had found a knife.
Kane held me tight and I welcomed it. I’d never cried so hard in my life.
“It’s not your fault, Dust. You couldn’t have done anything,” he whispered to me. I don’t know how I heard him.
“It should have been me. They were the good ones, I’m the ******** up b*****d. She should have killed me, not them. Gawd, what the ******** happening?! Why is this happening!?”
“It’s gunna be okay.”
“No it’s Not!”
“Just breathe.”
“I don’t want to breathe anymore.”
*
My mother died that night…
*
A shadow closed around the world after that. It got incredibly dark. Kane mentioned something about being glad we got so many candles. I didn’t really hear him. I was trying to sleep…but when I closed my eyes all I saw was blood.
He hugged me close in the darkness, tucking a blanket around me. It was getting really cold. My numbness and anger were gone. I welcomed the warmth now since I could feel it.
“You all right?”
“Yeah…” I wasn’t really sure. He pulled me a little closer and actually nuzzled into the back of my neck.
“You’re cold.”
“It’s cold out,” I mumbled.
“Do you want another blanket?” I didn’t answer. Instead I rolled over and buried my face into his chest, wrapping my arms around him and holding him impossibly tight. He kissed the top of my head and held me back.
It got colder and darker from then on. Everyone who wasn’t going insane huddled together in a single room, wrapped in whatever clothes I’d grabbed and whatever blankets I’d picked up. The tons of pillows I got were used as bedding, plus whatever pillows and blankets they had in the area. Kane had picked up a small grill and a s**t load of cans for it during the time I was detoxing, so we had some sort of heat and warm food while we were awake. They’d hung up extra curtains to try and save heat. It worked enough.
Kane and I were the only ones that slept without layers of clothing on. We’d taken to sleeping practically attached to each other so it was plenty warm beneath all the blankets. The puppy slept with us too, curled at our feet. It was comfortable.
I didn’t even think about it when he started kissing me goodnight. First it was my head, then my cheek, and by the middle of the next week, after he’d pulled the curtains and tucked us in for the night, he’d press a soft, barely there kiss to my lips. I was just thankful for the warmth.
The screams stopped by mid day the next. It was starting to get colder. I didn’t move from beneath the blankets. Somehow Kane got up enough nerve to bundle up and take the truck out one last time. Getting more pillows and blankets, batteries and gas for the grills. People were starting to get sick so the doctors were running around grabbing what they could. When Kane got back he woke me up and forced a can of warm soup down my throat. He was cold, even with everything on, and gratefully curled up under the blankets with me and Pup.
“You feeling all right?”
“Yeah, just cold,” I mumbled against his chest.
“Everyone’s getting sick.”
“It’s cold out.”
“Freezing.”
“How can you go out there?”
He was silent for a moment. “It’s not important. You want more soup?” I shrugged and he moved around, fussing with the grill next to us and setting another can on to heat. It barely felt warm.
“What’d you find today?”
“More gas for the grills, a ton more candles, thermal sleeping bags, I added one if you didn’t notice.” I looked down at the green sleeping bag.
“Doesn’t feel much warmer.”
“It should in a bit.” He turned back to me and wrapped me in his arms. “Soup’ll take a few.”
“That’s fine.”
“Pup behave?”
“Yeah, I let him out and he’s been sleeping since. Huh, Pup?” I nudged him with my foot and he grunted. “He’s getting big.”
“Surprising since he hasn’t eaten much more than you. Actually, he’s probably eaten more than you in the last few days.”
“I’m just not hungry.”
“I know.”
I snuggled closer. I was terrified.
**
Everyone just got worse over the next couple of days. Kane moved us into a small room off to the side and bedded us down with more blankets and pillows than before. We had two thermals, one beneath us, one on top. It was really warm.
I scratched Pup while Kane changed the candles and monitored the grill. “It feels like it’s getting colder.”
“Probably is. I won’t be going out for anything else. We have plenty I think.”
“How long’s this thing supposed to last?” It’d almost been a month.
He sighed and looked back at me, giving me a look that I’d grown to know. He was hiding something from me. “Not too much longer.”
“What do you know, Kane?”
“It’s not important.”
“Who are you?”
“That’s not important either. Besides…would you want some other stranger sleeping with you? John?”
I sighed. “Fine, don’t tell me.” I curled up under the pile of blankets. Kane sighed and followed me under after a minute or so, Pup shifting and finding his way down to our feet.
Arms wrapped around me and I shifted until he let go. “Don’t be like that.”
“Stranger ******** you.” I wasn’t expecting to be grabbed and orally raped. What I found odder than actually being kissed by this guy…was that I was kissing back.
He pulled away and stared at me, grey eyes into my s**t brown. “Stop offering.” I just glared at him. I definitely wasn’t expecting him to tongue ******** my mouth again.
A couple of the older doctors died. No one will tell me how.
Kane hugged me while I cried.
“It’s not like you knew them.”
“Th-that’s…not why…”
“Then why?”
I huffed and shuddered. “I don’t want to be alone…”
“I won’t let you be alone.”
It was impossibly cold that night. Even beneath all the blankets I couldn’t stop shivering. Kane had kept a distance until he heard me puffing. Then I was wrapped in arms and started to warm up a bit. Not enough though.
“It’s too cold,” he whispered against the back of my neck.
I huffed. “I’m f-freezing.” I could feel him tense and pause behind me before I was rolled onto my back and he was on top of me, kissing me. Hands were beneath my shirts, caressing me in a way I’d never been touched. I didn’t complain when he tugged them away, putting them nearby, probably for later. Our mouths weren’t apart longer than that, but his hands discovered more and I was panting just from that. It didn’t take him long to get rid of the rest of the clothes.
I’d never done anything even remotely like that in my life. I wasn’t really that old and drugs were the first thing on my agenda, not sex. It hurt, I won’t deny that, but towards the end it felt ******** awesome. I was embarrassed as hell, acting like a porn star the whole time, but I don’t honestly think he cared. He wouldn’t stop kissing me. And gawd, when that final bit got there…I’m glad he didn’t call me a whore.
The way he took care of me afterwards made me think that whore was probably the last thing he was thinking.
I huddled against him after he helped me tug on my clothes. I was warm.
“You all right?”
I thought about this. I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t want to think about it either. I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
**
The next morning started with sex. It hurt more that time…but not what you’re thinking. We ate after that, he melted some water and made me drink it, Pup got fed and let out, and then we slept some more.
It went like that for a few days. Sex, food, break with Pup, sleep, food, Pup, sleep, more sex, sleep. On and on. Kane would leave sometimes when we couldn’t sleep and he always came back looking hurt and dejected. He never told me why. This pissed me off most times and we’d argue about it, before having random rough sex and having dinner…Then we’d sleep.
It wasn’t until the next morning that I found out. I woke up and Kane was no where to be found. So I fussed around, made my own food, took care of Pup…no Kane. I got back to the room after letting Pup out and I found a note. He’d left.
I don’t think I could have cried any harder…especially since when I went to tell John…they were all dead.
I was terrified. Words can’t describe how terrified I was. You can’t imagine that feeling. When there’s nothing left and you’re the only one. When you’ve been completely abandoned by everything and the only thing staring you in the face is death. I lived my life with nothing. No one wanted me my whole life. My mom barely acknowledged me. I had no friends, nothing. Imagine…just for a while someone making you feel like you mattered…making you feel like maybe you were worth something…anything…I was left for dead. The emptiness I felt was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. I dug my bag of dust out from between the blankets…
If this was death…it wasn’t half as bad as what he did to me.
**
“Dust, I told you not to go anywhere.”
“….Kane?”
“I wasn’t going to be gone for long.”
“….I’m scared.”
“I know.”
“…You left.”
“You’ll see why.”
“…Am I dead.”
“No.”
“…Am I crazy?”
“No.”
“…Kane?”
“Yeah?”
“…Will you be with me when I wake up?”
“I’m gunna stay with you.”
“…I’m not gunna be alone anymore?”
“No.”
“…Kane…”
**
I opened my eyes…to sunlight. It was pouring in through a window…and there was power…somewhere…I was warm. I sighed and just stared out the window at the tree that was there.
A hand went through my hair softly and I looked over. He was there.
“You took a lot of that s**t,” he said, his face grim.
“Where am I?”
“Three weeks later in a hospital near the capital. After I left it started raining. Cleaned everything out. Survivors went looking for other survivors. You were barely alive.”
I stared at him. “Where did you go? Why…why did you just leave me like that?”
“I had to go and talk to someone.”
“Who?”
“It’s not important.”
“Are you going to leave again?”
“I already told you no. I’ve got no where to be…at least not for a long time. You don’t have anyone so…I decided to stick around.”
I stared at him and sat up a bit, scooting around until he got the point and grabbed me up. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“I know.”
I knew he meant it. I don’t know why, and I definitely don’t know why I’m clinging to a guy of all things. I don’t regret anything I’ve done. I don’t regret that it was with him and not with my preferred sex. But now that I found someone I didn’t want to let go. I think I’ve been looking for anyone all along. I found it.
“Kane?”
“Hmm?”
“What are you?”
He was silent for a minute and shifted, nuzzling a spot behind my ear. “An angel.”
“…Oh.” That made sense.
I stared out the window.
A gold feather floated by.
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