Self-harm Support Thread [TRIGGERS]

[Kaiju Koi]

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THIS THREAD IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ENGAGE IN
SELF-HARM OF ANY SORT AND WANT TO STOP.





It is a place for those who seek to escape the need or habit, and
find people to listen, provide support, and talk them through
whatever they may need. This also includes eating disorders
and substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts that many people
struggle with.

Many members of this guild have experience with self-harm or helping
others through it. We are not professional counselors, and we definitely
recommend also seeking professional help. However we understand
that advice from peers and even just knowing someone is there to listen
to you is also valuable.

Feel free to post your stories if you feel sharing them is a
necessary part of people understanding your situation, which
it often is.

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...|... ABOUT ...|... RULES ...| ... RESOURCES ...|...

 

[Kaiju Koi]

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Because of the nature of it, this thread will be watched very carefully, so before you post, read the guidelines.



------------------------WHAT IS PERMITTED------------------------

YOU MAY:

............................• Share your story.
.................................It is often a necessary part of understanding the situation for
.................................those seeking help, and for those offering it may be
.................................motivational or inspirational.

............................• Suggest links, post quotes, etc.
.................................Know of another site that we don't have listed yet?
.................................Maybe you heard a inspirational story in the news
.................................or secondhand? Maybe your friend or family said
.................................something that really moved you. Share it!

--------------------WHAT IS NOT PERMITTED--------------------
Any post that breaks any of these rules (agreed upon by posting here)
will be immediately deleted without warning and the poster will receive
a warning.

............................• Do not post here if you do not want help or to offer help.
.................................Please do not post here for the sake of posting here. We
.................................understand that people have varying opinions on this topic,
.................................and we want to be respectful of them all. This is not a place
.................................to argue or to say that you enjoy self-harm, or it helps you.
.................................This is a resource for people who personally want to stop.


............................• No potentially insulting or patronizing remarks.
.................................Again, we all have our opinions. However if your opinion
.................................can be hurtful ("Cutting is stupid. People who do it are stupid, etc")
.................................please refrain from posting it here. We aim to be positive
.................................and motivational.

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...|... ABOUT ...|... RULES ...| ... RESOURCES ...|...

 

[Kaiju Koi]

------------------------RESOURCES------------------------
A list of off-site resources that you have at your disposal.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Hopeline- 1-800-784-2433
Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255


RecoverYourLife.com
"One of the biggest and best Self-Harm Support Communities on the internet. Although we are
known for helping people suffering with Self Harm, we also welcome and support people with other
issues such as Eating Disorders, Mental Health problems, those dealing with Abuse, and many more! "


S.P.E.A.K.: Suicide Prevention Education Awareness Kit
"The Samaritans of New York is the local branch of the international humanitarian movement with over
400 branches in 32 countries. A non-religious, non-profit organization, Samaritans is devoted to helping
those people who are in crisis and feeling suicidal through our volunteer-run programs that practice a
communications-based response called "befriending," which emphasizes listening to what a person in
crisis is feeling and thinking without expressing personal judgments or opinions."

Self Harm: Recovery, Advice and Support
"We answer hundreds of questions every month on askTheSite and the most useful answers find
their way into our archive. So if you're worried about your health or have concerns about what's going
on in your head, you're definitely in the right place.

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...|... ABOUT ...|... RULES ...| ... RESOURCES ...|...

 

[Kaiju Koi]

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[Kaiju Koi]

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[Kaiju Koi]

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[Kaiju Koi]

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[Kaiju Koi]

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[Dr. OCD]

No one has posted yet, so I guess I'll get the ball rolling.

My story:

I started harming myself in 7th or 8th grade. I was extremely obsessive-compulsive back then, so I would cut in a pattern on the inside of my left calf. These scars are still very visible and I get asked about them a lot in the summer.

I started seeing a psychologist and didn't self-harm again until my freshman year of high school. Cut my left arm and my leg again. This went on for some time until my friends noticed and took my pocket knives.

Skip ahead to my sophomore year. Started up again. Friends continued to confiscate my pocketknives and I would continue to buy more. During that summer, two of my best friends brought me to the hospital and I stayed there for a week. When I got out, I thought I could conquer the world. But I was wrong and a couple months later I started cutting again. It got really bad during the fall of my junior year in high school and then stopped.

I made it a year without cutting and then a couple weeks after making it a year, I did it again. This time it was every once in a while. It got bad again during the spring of my senior year in high school. I thought I was going to have to go back to the hospital, but I never told anyone.

Then I stopped in the middle of the summer and didn't do it until I got to college this past fall. But instead of cutting I burned with a cigarette. Only a couple times.

I have been clean for a couple months now and haven't had any urges to do anything. That is a very paraphrased story. But I am always willing to listen to anyone else that is struggling. I understand what it's like to have the urge or to have the guilt afterwards. I understand why you feel like you need to do it. I've been there.  

[Odin Moon]

I guess there is no better place to do this, so that maybe I can put it past me. But I don’t know how to say it, in a way it feels like I am bearing my soul to a black hole, but maybe if I close my eyes and hold my breath I can do this I hope.

Things have been happening to me for a while, a long while. Like since I was four, I had a brain tumor, and I remember everyone being so scared but I didn’t understand why. The one memory I have of my mamaw was of her holding me in a hospital bed praying that I would be ok. It was removed and I recovered.

The next year and a half was hard; my mamaw was prognoses with cancer. I was close to her very close. I had started school in that time and was trying to fit in, but being the kid with half a head of hair, it wasn’t easy. I was picked on, even by my teacher. After only a year a one school I went to another, and tried to make friends there, to only be faced with more of the same treatment. It was in first that my mamaw died, and no one would give me the time to mourn. The wanted to hide it, when she did die I was lost.

I failed first and moved yet again to live with my other grandmother. I was finally able to be happy, it was also in this time that I was told I had ADD and Depression, and started taking meds at seven. For about four years everything was fine, I started making friends and was happy. I was able to be a child for once.

Then my mother came back into my life, she had left me when I was four, but had decided that she wanted me… no not me my disability check again. And so I moved again to live with her and her new husband. My father, I had no idea where he was, out doing drugs I would guess since he would show up on holidays and then disappear again. Things where fine for about two years, in that time I had had three reconstructive surgeries to my skull, and was starting to feel half way normal. But it wasn’t to be that way for long.

My mother started to see another guy and at first I thought he was an okay guy, turns out he wasn’t he did horrid things to me, and my mother, but at first it was only me. He was a bad man, a very bad man. He tried to kill me a couple of times, and used me. In that time I had moved again and the bullying had started again. I tried to kill myself… several times. I went to a hospital for attempted suicide twice, and had told them what had happened. There was physical evidence even without me telling, the saw what had happened to me. My mother laughed it off and said that I did it to myself even told DHR that I was lying.

Eventually I was taken by the state and given to my dad, who had become sober and was a normal guy again. I started having PSTD and he started taking me to a shrink and it helped for a while I was finally off my ADHD meds and doing okay. He met a woman that I though was ok, she wasn’t a prize but she seemed nice.

Then my grandfather died I was close to him and it just felt like a horrid back slid. I started feeling down again, and eventually left his house to live with my grandmother. I stayed with her till I was out of school. I still cut I still felt horrid but I started to feel safer. I knew the strain I was putting on her though and was quick to leave after school let out.

In the time of me being in high school I had seen one of my friends commit suicide, another die of cancer, and yet another have her life altered forever, which made me feel bad about how I couldn’t even handle the past.

Now I have been with my aunt a year and am looking at collage, but I still feel bad sometimes. I am freaked out about taking the next step in my life and am scared that I might go back to the way I was, and I don't want that. I just... I want to feel again, to know that I am alive and that the things I want to do are going to be worth something one day. Then there is an even bigger part of me that just wants to know I'm not crazy. I just feel lost.  

[Akatsuka Kun]

I suppose I'm a flower that bloomed in hell, one that grew from the nativities in my life. It would be easy to go to another future one where my soul wasn't stained in blood. Where I wasn't sexually molested at eight and raped at thirteen but I cant escape that past. I was also abused physically a lot around the same time by a mentally unstable member of the family, yet again in defining years of my life, bulled beyond belief in school and I quit Illegally in 7th grade at the age of 14.

I did however get my G.E.D so in some ways that was a blessing. I went to live with an older relative for 2 years and she really got into my head. She would always scream at me, tell me I would never be loved, etc. She was in a loveless marriage herself, and a very unhappy person.

The thing is I'm very sensitive and it broke me as a person. I started self harming in the form of razors, drugs, unprotected sex with straight men you name it I've more then likely done it. I have been abused all my life so it was easy trying to find love in people who could only use me, find happiness in euphoria from things that harmed me, and heal the past from slicing open my skin... I still battle with cutting because it is the need to heal, it gives somewhat a grieving period for the bad to go away. I come here today to ask for help, if anyone can, or even understands my insane rant here.