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Flashing sword

Ame Yuki Kaze

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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 11:05 am


	Flashing sword Hair of flame Scar of tragedy old Heart of love Protect the weak Wander everywhere and nowhere Will find true love someday

Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 8:16 am

lola_siannodel

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kimika56

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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:33 am


	It has a good flow, but it does need something.... like more lines. I'd suggest expanding it to a point that it makes a little more sense. With just the lines you've given us, it seems incomplete, like you're keeping the rest of the poem from us. But that's what I think.

Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:04 pm


	It's...short. Not like haiku short, but like blueballs short. Pardon my very graphic analogy, but it leaves me very unsatisfied. I want to know more about this character, his future and past. Give me more. On the 10 scale, I give it a 5.

I am Jaques colon

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GabbySilverwood

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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:52 am


	They're right, it does feel very, stiff. It's rather like you where trying to follow a form, but I don't know which one. Or maybe we're just looking at it out of context?