- The few days that had passed since his second life changing encounter with Niyati had been excruciatingly long and seemed to further fill his head with doubts of himself, his capabilities and also solidified the fact that she had just been teasing him. If not... why would he not have been able to find her even when he slipped past the borders? He'd been past his land's territorial limits so often in the last few days that he felt terribly lucky he hadn't yet been caught. It wasn't like he wasn't allowed past where his lands ended and the rogue lands began, but it was very discouraged. And it wasn't like you left every day to explore.
Or search for a lioness you'd thought you'd taken as a lover. How embarrassing! And he'd even bragged to his friends about the lovely creature... they all thought he was making her up though. He hadn't really gone into too much detail, mostly out of respect for the glittery goddess but... he was sorely tempted to. He was sure that would just make the situation worse though, especially when they were all already pointing paws and calling him a liar. Some were less harsh about the situation, taking pity on him for 'making up a girlfriend'. No, perhaps that was the worse scenario of the two.
Had he really been that bad? He could learn! He could... he could what? He wasn't really all that sure. Somewhere in the back of his mind he already knew the fact that for the older lioness this had all been some sort of game or conquest or private joke that only she understood. He also knew, in that same dark and tiny recess in the back of his mind, that it was likely she would not appear before him again. He sighed very deeply as he stood near the borders, the look on his face was something no lion would envy. Most would, in fact, pity such a face.
He looked completely heart broken, as much as he struggled to hide those feelings away. His mother had tried a few times to ask him what was wrong, what was going on in his life of late to have him looking so miserable... but he remained close mouthed about it until the end. How embarrassing would it be to talk to your mother about girl problems? And his father wouldn't be much better either... he was fairly certain he would hear no end to all of the jokes his father would make up. Or the constant teasing that would happen... it would be too mortifying, simply put.
He slowly sat himself down and let his mismatched eyes scan the horizon for what felt like the thousandth time in the past little while. He felt nervous when the next thought slithered into his mind, wrapped itself tightly around his brain. He could always go out into the rogue lands... for more than a few hours. He could go for a few days, track the pink lioness down! He could do what Arusi had done... she'd just upped and left the lands. He'd heard rumors that one of the other youths had taken her... Kerer or something like that. He was older than Chan and his siblings... but when he thought about it he'd realized that Arusi had mentioned the other pride member quite often.
Now he had more sense and realized that maybe she had a crush on the male she'd disappeared off with... before he'd just found her to be annoying and was even a little jealous of how much time she spent with this stranger. Didn't she want to do things with the family? To top off that whole mess his other sister seemed to be missing as well. Most likely she'd followed after Arusi and her friend, but there was no way of proving that.
But could he really leave his mother and father like that? The rest of his siblings? He didn't think he really had the guts to do it. He didn't think he'd even be able to survive long away from a pride! The first thing that would happen would probably be something like stumbling into some foreign territory and getting his throat ripped out by the leader or the guards there! Or maybe he would get gored by a rhino! And he would have to learn to hunt still... he knew the basics but it wasn't like he was any good! There were proper hunters in the pride, and he wasn't one of them!
His head hung as all of the doubts and questions piled up, and it was a wonder anger had not found it's way in with all of the feelings and emotions he was experiencing. Wasn't he mad at the pink lioness at all? She'd basically used him... couldn't he see that? Perhaps in the back of his mind, back further than even his knowledge that the older lioness really had no use for him any longer, the seeds of anger had been planted. But sprouts would hardly grow so far in the dark... or maybe it would just take a much longer time. There was no way of telling, not even Chan could tell himself if he was angry or not.
It wasn't like she'd ever tried to get to know him that much, and it wasn't like she showed an interest in anything but... but in what they'd done, really! So how could he possibly blame her? He blamed himself, really. He'd been no good, obviously. And even if he'd been okay it wasn't like a lioness wanted some young, inexperienced, silly male to be their mate and protector! Hell, she hadn't seemed like she wanted a mate at all... obviously.
Is that what he'd wanted? He couldn't be sure of that either... the only thing that had come out of his relations with Niyati had been more questions, stronger doubts and the inklings of self-loathing. "Niyati... Niyati..." He breathed out, his words strangled as the wind captured and took them away. He shook his head and rose with a heavy heart, turning back to his homelands. What was he supposed to do?
Nothing, he suspected.