Sanaa muses to herself, watching her children play about her workshop...
There was a time, not too long ago, that things were different. A time that stretched back to infinity and would have continued in a linear line into the future, till the universe itself came to an end... but things changed. Specifically, I changed. This world of disorder changed me, and its yet to be seen just how profound that change will come to be.
Once, I saw the world in gears and cogs, in systems and mathematical equations. It held no secrets from me. It flowed through me and out through my paws, molding the things I touched into other things. Dissonant pieces came together in my paws into a beautiful harmony, blending and merging till they were no longer many things, but one perfect thing, built with a purpose, a design, and a use.
Our Great Mother is the only being in this universe who can truly create, but I like to think that I have a touch of her spark, among all my many brothers and sisters. The final piece, that thing called 'life' escaped me, but I was close. I spent many eons perfecting my work, my technique and my formulas. I was so close. I could make things with these paws that was so close to being alive that many wouldn't blink twice at them... but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to take that final step. I wanted to breathe life into my creations and fully realize our great potential. We are children of Mkodi, are we not? We carry her lineage, her power... why would we not be able to reach the height of it?
In time, I came to a plateau. I could not perfect my creations any more. I could not make that small, yet colossal, leap from automaton to true living being... It was infinitely frustrating, because I could feel it, just out of reach. I could see it as a flicker in the corner of my sight, but could never bring it into focus. I was... desperate, to finally realize that missing piece, that empty part of my perfect equations... But it turns out, no formula or equation or creation was really needed.
I met another god, one of decadence and pleasure of the body, one who spent more time thinking on matters of the flesh than of the mind. All who meet him find Limbuko charming... a flatterer, seducer... but I'm a different creature. These things that are so heavily sought after by some hold no interest for me, so I had never though to pursue them myself. That vehicle of organic matter... He promised me that there, where I had never thought to look, lay the key I had been missing for so long. Things are always in the last place you look, aren't they?
He promised he would show me, that I could not find it on my own, and so desperate for it, I agreed... enlisting the aid of another of my brethern, the god of prey, Palahala. Together we did that thing that mortals and gods do, that act that creates children, and to my surprise, I felt stirings inside my body. It was the most wondrous, confusing, disorienting feeling I have ever had.
I felt the seeds of life take root inside of me and grow, expanding and draining my own life from me to fuel the start of theirs. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it confused and frustrated me. I couldn't see what was happening, couldn't analyze it or decipher how it was coming to be. This was far from what Limbuko had promised me, but I was stuck with it now.
After a time, I gave birth in the mortal way to five god children. I came to know their domains as Paint, Camouflage, Mind, Trade and Pacifism. Again I was confounded by this strange selection of characteristics from me and their father, mixed and blended in ways no sane mind would have.
They are strange creatures... both perfection and flaws wrapped together. They learn so quickly, change so fast, that I feel as though I can hardly keep up. They are close to their father, who better understands them. He lives in the mortal world, presiding over the fate of those who are eaten by others. He teaches them things of the world that I can't, things I don't fully understand... and all I can do is sit back and watch. I show them the things I have created, but they don't truly understand them, no more than do the mortals that come to visit me, bring me materials and taking the things I have made. They only see the thing and what the thing does, they don't see the symmetry, the perfection, the symbiosis between form and function. I can't explain it to them, no more than they can explain to me why a butterfly is such a lovely thing or why they care so much for each other and their 'friends.'
And still Mkodi's power is veiled from my sight, hidden behind the strange and random workings of organic bodies. But now... now things are different. I've come to see things in a different light, a far cry from the pure logic that ruled me before. Now everything is cloudy, confusing, and imperfect. My children grow, as down a feeling of love that I have never felt before. Part of my yearns to join them, live life as mortals live it, but another part fears where this path is taking me. I am not like other gods... My creations gather dust, my materials disintegrate about me as I watch my children grow. I can't seem to make anything any more, and what little I have has come out imperfect, flawed, and unusable. Its as though with one paw, our Great Mother is rewarding me with the beauty of life, and with the other, striking me with punishment for daring to reach so high...
I feel as though I must temper myself, purify my being as one would purify metal, burning away impurities to leave a stronger product to be shaped by a skilled paw. I don't know how long I can go on like this. How can I live so, torn two ways? Incomplete... Broken... Useless.