Aria's constructive journal

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Aria's constructive journal


arrow Comments/Replies are welcomed exclaim exclaim exclaim
Contents

1- Introduction..................................page 1

2- Who am I ?..................................page 1

3- Loneliness as we grow up..................................page 1

4- The plan..................................page 1

5- #1 stress is to be jobless

6-Gossips and hate..................................page 1

7- Gaia a social network..................................page 1

8-Past. Future. Present...................................page 1

9-Friends..................................page 1

10- There's always someone that has it worse than you or better... page 1

11- Sarcastic people..................................page 1

12- It's time to be persistant and stop being shy !

13- I am now 23..................................page 2

14- My part-time job..................................page 2

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Introduction


Theses days I think so much.
I have a lot of things to talk about.
Trying to understand what to do.
Trying to understand what I want , who I am, how I can improve myself...
Trying to see the positiveness in life.
I learn a lot by asking what people think about a situation or problem...
Because my perception or my opinions are not always right,
I want to write this constructive journal to understand more about life itself, vent off and feel better.

As we grow up, we lose innocence that's why I called my journal losing my innocence.

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Who am I

Born in 1990
So, I'm 22 years old. (last update of this post 2012/11/11)
I am a woman (obviously).

I will not give more information or post pictures because I fear ''identity stealer'' and if someone take my informations (+ posts I make on gaia) to bully me or what so ever consequences.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Loneliness as we grow up

Why do I feel lonely ?
Going to a different college than my friends from high school (because we don't study the same career, we couldn't go to the same college), I don't see them often, I feel lonely.
It is hard to make new friends. I have a few it's okay (but we are not close), but if you read further you'll understand why I feel lonely.

Because the College workload is enormous compared to high school, my schedule or the days that I am free doesn't fit with my friends' availabilities. So, we see rarely each other.
My friends work and study, some of them have boyfriends. So, they are like ''less available'' than me.
I want to work too, however, I couldn't find a job and this is one of the reason my I am so stressed about life.

When I send emails to my friends, they don't reply, they are too busy. This is why I am on Gaia : to talk with online people and get quick replies.

I realized that as we grow up, we spend less time with friends because we have to work, cook, clean, make the groceries (...). This is the autonomous life that we'll have one day.

When my friends have boyfriends, they have less time for me because they need to go on date alone with their boyfriend.

I don't have a boyfriend. Someone told me : eh ! You should get a boyfriend to be less bored in your life.

Getting a boyfriend is not something easy. I'll date if I love someone and that person must love me back.

When friends get married (Yes ! My friends as old as me are already married), and build a family, we don't see each other anymore. They are too busy.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

The plan
My plan as far as I can remember when I was 11 year old, was to study hard, graduate, get a good high income job, get married and have kids.

This is my biggest breakage of my life innocence.
Dear myself at 11 year old, life doesn't always go the way you want.
I study so much so hard; however, I couldn't get the grades to do my dream job. People are also surprised that I couldn't get in because they thought I was so brillant and intelligent. I dissapointed myself.
So, I am studying in another program, that didn't require extreme high grade to enter, but finding job is hard.
I won't have a high income. However, I don't mind not having a high income, I just want to have enough money to pay expenses like food, clothes, internet, appartement, car....

Get married and have kids pfff !! Forget about it. I'm single, I feel that I'll be forever alone.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Gossips and hate


It all started in high school, there was rumors about me being lesbian.
To tell the truth, there is no big deal to be lesbian. The thing is that I wasn't and the students were like totally against lesbians.
Gossips always starts from a misunderstanding and the ''story'' get distorted. It caused me a lot of stress when I was in high school. I endured and ignored, because I was getting closer to graduation.

In college... People might think since it's ''huge'' compared to high school and we don't have the same classes, most students in your courses is different. In my case, it wasn't because some has their own friends circle and depending on which program you study, you can possibly know everybody.

I thought gossips will be over, because everyone is more mature.. Hell no !
Somehow, my behavior can create misunderstandings... Once again, the truth got distorted, they said really bad stories about me and so people hate me. There are about 3 gossips about me not related to what happened in high school.
I was once again very sad and overstress, I'm ''counting'' the days that'll graduate.

What makes gossips so annoying is that it's hard to make people believe you. No ones know you except your real friends. Your real good friends are the ones that will believe you. The others won't and will keep saying bad stuff making other people believe them and it makes me an outsider.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Gaia a social network
My friends in real life don't play on Gaia. It's not their ''thing'' at all.
I played on gaia because I like getting the free event items, grab some gold and buy new items.

I had some personal issue that ''shook'' me and I was sad. I told my friends about it, but I still felt some pain and so I started to talk more to other Gaians. I always have something on my mind to ask question about. Asking Gaians questions, posting on life issues, and it really decreased my worries, sadness and loneliness.

Gaia is a network of many people, different age, from everywhere of the world. I started to read topics on Life issue and tried also to help others. I learn about other's pain, worries and frustration.

When Gaians help me, I learn a lot too.

Thank you Gaians.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Past. Future. Present.

Past
Your memories serve you to remember good times and bad times.
They are important, they influence how you are today.
Your mistakes help you to learn lessons, prevent of making the same mistakes again and improve yourself.

Future
Every actions you do have consequences. The decisions you make can also change your future.

Now
Do you constantly think about the future or the past ?
Are you living in the moment ?
If you were to die tomorrow, do you think you have done everything to be happy?
When I enjoy things in the moment, it's when I watch a movie, eat, sleep and talk with friends... It's all activities.


We constantly life in the past, future and present.
They are all important.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Friends
No one is perfect. I don't have a particular friend that I get along 100%.
They all have a little something that bothers me.

I believe there's something in me that bothers them too, since I'm not perfect.
I know my flaws. I try to change for my own benefit. I dislike when people bad mouth/ talk badly about me.

Sometimes, they don't invite me to join them in their activities...
Or, they ask me only when they remember ...

It's hard to trust new people sometimes... Because you don't know if they are good or bad, people that meet ''bad'' friends before would say : ''trust nobody only yourself'' which it is quite sad and pessimistic.  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

I feel i am in the exact same place as you rolleyes I am about to finish uni, all my friends at least have a vague idea what they are going to do next but i have nothing. I have applied for about 300 jobs and gotten nothing, so people assume im a waster even though i really want to work. I don't feel i can 'talk' to my 'Real life friends' so i found my self back on this site. And i became involved in other gaians life, i crew here to fill the void left by RL discussion.
I have s**t in my past and no hope for the future. But at least being in this guild we can see that it is the same for girls al over the world.
This has turned into a ramble about my life issues but i meant it as a way of saying, having read your posts, i totally relate, its practically my life but on a different continent. It seems to be a common palgue of those born in the '90's that we feel lonely rolleyes


(oh and i assumed it was alright to post here but feel free to delete)  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

I feel i am in the exact same place as you rolleyes I am about to finish uni, all my friends at least have a vague idea what they are going to do next but i have nothing. I have applied for about 300 jobs and gotten nothing, so people assume im a waster even though i really want to work. I don't feel i can 'talk' to my 'Real life friends' so i found my self back on this site. And i became involved in other gaians life, i crew here to fill the void left by RL discussion.
I have s**t in my past and no hope for the future. But at least being in this guild we can see that it is the same for girls al over the world.
This has turned into a ramble about my life issues but i meant it as a way of saying, having read your posts, i totally relate, its practically my life but on a different continent. It seems to be a common palgue of those born in the '90's that we feel lonely rolleyes


(oh and i assumed it was alright to post here but feel free to delete)

XD It is okay to post razz ! I put a message saying it's okay to comment.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

There's always someone that has it worse than you or better...

When you think about it, the world is so large... There are so many people living on earth. Everyone has a different life... Everyone has something to complain because nothing is perfect, but the people that don't complain is because they chose to do so. They are grateful to what they have.

I think it is important to know there are people less lucky than us.
It is a way to feel grateful to what we have... However, it feels weird that... I feel better knowing that there's people that suffer more than me :S !!!

When you compare to people that are better off than you, you just feel sad or envy or jealousy... So, whenever someone is better off than you, think how this person got there. Try to do the same to improve your situation. If the reason how that person got there is not something you wanna try to do then you shouldn't feel sad, envious or jealous.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Sarcastic people

Usually, when someone is sarcastic, I know it, just the way they say it... However, there are people that use sarcasm and there is nothing that make it obvious that it is a sarcasm... Unless, you think about the situation. Like, they say in such manner that it looked so true, that they aren't sarcastic...

I don't know how many times that happened. There was one situation where someone used sarcasm, but I didn't know it was sarcasm.
When my mom told me it was a sarcasm months after it happened. I was so embarrassed that I cried.  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

XxAriaxX

Sarcastic people

Usually, when someone is sarcastic, I know it, just the way they say it... However, there are people that use sarcasm and there is nothing that make it obvious that it is a sarcasm... Unless, you think about the situation. Like, they say in such manner that it looked so true, that they aren't sarcastic...

I don't know how many times that happened. There was one situation where someone used sarcasm, but I didn't know it was sarcasm.
When my mom told me it was a sarcasm months after it happened. I was so embarrassed that I cried.

It's entirely possible they didn't intend it as sarcasm, you know...  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Gigi Deveraux

XxAriaxX

Sarcastic people

Usually, when someone is sarcastic, I know it, just the way they say it... However, there are people that use sarcasm and there is nothing that make it obvious that it is a sarcasm... Unless, you think about the situation. Like, they say in such manner that it looked so true, that they aren't sarcastic...

I don't know how many times that happened. There was one situation where someone used sarcasm, but I didn't know it was sarcasm.
When my mom told me it was a sarcasm months after it happened. I was so embarrassed that I cried.

It's entirely possible they didn't intend it as sarcasm, you know...

xd
yeah but that particular situation, it was sarcarsm. I'll give you an easy example to understand. You made a mistake in calculating. Like 60/5= 13 instead of 12 and people say WAAaa you're so smart... But you didn't realize your mistake... So you don't understand why people are reacting very exaggerating saying you're so smart...

Anyways, one day I was searching stuff online and I read an article how to be less negative. The advice they gave is : If you see someone wearing something ugly, you should say it's pretty...
I was pretty shock when I read that because that's how my extended family does unless you can't realize the sarcasm.