Welcome to Gaia! ::

i feel like i want to kill myself almost every single day. I know its selfish because my life is alot better then most but I hate it. I have an amazing boyfriend who don't care that I have been with 3 other people but my brother is always calling me a whore. Today I was joking with my boyfriend and by brother brought up a comment and said "You need to keep your legs closed and not f*** every boyfriend you have" only to finish with a statement of with "I hope you die of an STD" it's not the first time he has told me to kill myself or that he wishes I was dead...i feel like a horrible sister and I wish I was never alive and I don't know what to do...I just want to end my life and do as he tells me almost every day

You need to know that Satan speaks through the people around us. From the sounds of it, your brother isn't living up to his "Christian" title either, or else he wouldn't be encouraging you to take away your life, he should be speaking words to edify and give life. So, stop listening to the words of a hypocrite. If you confessed your fornication and promiscuity to our Heavenly Father and turned away from that sin (repented), not wanting to do it again, then your brother's words should not bother you. You've been forgiven already.



Be careful not to make an idol out of your boyfriend though. First and foremost, solidify your relationship with the Messiah and our Heavenly Father; otherwise, you will act based on the lustful desires of the flesh instead of doing what our Creator tells us to do: to not fornicate. Lusting after someone, let alone having sex with them, without marrying them is fornication. "Adultery" is when you are married and you lust after (or have sex with) someone who isn't your spouse. It sounds like you have not put your carnal nature to death.





Commiting suicide only adds to your problems, it doesn't take any of them away. Where do you think you're escaping to...? Put "suicide" out of your mind because it's not even an option. It's an act committed by the faithless who have no trust in our Heavenly Father, who don't believe he can save us from earthly troubles. Your brother is just a temporary bully, a human one at that, and chances are that if you actually start applying our Messiah's words, your brother will have nothing to accuse you of. Persecution should make you want to live up to his name; so buck up, and start acting like a Christian. Get to know his words and apply them, otherwise you deceive yourself. You're no follower of his. All I'm hearing is "I don't want to be called a whore"; what should be coming out of your heart is, "I don't want to be a whore anymore". There's a big difference. One wants to continue in the old nature, another wants to be born-again.

Is your brother a Christian? Holding your past against you is unloving and just as sinful as being promiscuous or a fornicator. How old is he? He's failing to show love as defined by the word:



Your only weapon is God's word. Get to know it and slay people's opinions with it. Share those verses with him. Tell your brother he's no better than you if he keeps doing that. That up there is love. Living sacrificially, thinking of the other person's well-being over your own (hence why you choose to be patient with others, kind to others, not envying others, not belittling others in comparison to yourself, choosing to forget the wrongs of others, etc...)."Others"-centered, not self-centered. If your boyfriend has been giving you a different definition of this, discard it. Man's definition of love doesn't matter, what counts is what our Creator has to say; equally as reliable is what he has spoken through his servants filled with the Holy Spirit (because the Spirit of Truth will not contradict our Creator's words).



What do you think the bible is? Documented accounts of real people, what they went through, and how they got over it: by trusting in God's messages and acting upon what the message said. Otherwise, they perished. Real people were promiscuous and/or prostitutes in ancient times and their story is documented in the bible (John 4; Joshua 2; Hebrews 11:31), people who were slandered against, followers who had ne'er-do-wells talking smack about them (various examples throughout the Book of Acts or Jeremiah 20:10 for instance). The common thread is: once you listen to our God's words and take it to heart, you'll be fine. Which is why I'm advising you to do the same. Your accusers' words won't matter once you start esteeming our Creator's words above their's. Let them talk as if they're speaking to a wall, you continue carrying-out his will. It doesn't matter what your specific sin is or was; the only way you're going to get over the sin or people constantly bringing up your past is to stop listening to mankind's opinion of who you are and listen to your Creator. Promiscuity, fornication, murder, gossip, lies, it's all the same.



You want to hear from another human being in the flesh whose gone through the same things you have, when God already has testimony from other human beings written down for us to take solace in, to learn from and get an idea of what to pray for. The same way you're divulging your worries to us is what you're suppose to do in prayer to your Heavenly Father. I think what Snow asked should be answered: are you praying? It's a simple request for help directed at your Heavenly Father. That, in addition to reading and applying scripture, is how you wait on God. Seeking him, as you wait for him to act. Not seeking a person to fill his void. Anything that sits in his place becomes an idol and you start trusting that thing more than him.

That is your problem: you're trying to fill God's place with people. He is the one who is always there to hear you out when you get depressed, for the long haul, not just for short moments. His advice trumps everyone else's. If you lost all your friends, boyfriend and family, and never learned to trust in God only, you won't find yourself in a secure place. Learn to depend on God alone first. Develop that inner peace and stillness with Him, starting now. You do that by praying and reading his words.