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 Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 1:46 pm
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AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM
Name: Fiona Farore
Nicknames: Fi, Fifi (only if you are a close friend)
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Faction/Race Monster/Roc
Natural Ability: Strength: Roc’s can lift things with their unnatural strength and carry them to great heights.
Personality: Fiona has a problem……she often finds herself breaking things because she can’t judge the amount of strength she needs to use. Fiona is actually very upset by the fact that she only seems to break things.Fi can also get a little too loud when she becomes overly excited, which happens frequently. When she gets this way she can become a little more clutzilla like. To compensate for the gloom that her destructive side creates Fiona always has a smile on her face. She will walk straight up to you and introduce herself with no fear. Fi also loves to get involved in everything! She wants to find that one thing she can do without mucking it up. Her life may be a little complicated in her eyes but she is a determined person and will not give up on her goals.
With her friends Fiona is less reserved than she is normally. She let’s them see the softer side of her by taking down the wall of smiles and rainbows. She will go the extra mile to help them when they need it. They find that Fiona actually is a great listener when anyone needs an ear. She is also an easy monster to get a long with. Fiona is looking for friends who won't give her too much grief over her destructive problems. She knows they are going to get frustrated sometimes but she's looking for friends who will attempt to be understanding. Fiona also loves to be creative, seeing as how she hulk smashes everything on accident she just wants to find the one that she can do to create! She loves needle work, pottery, and jewelry crafting. Even though she isn't particularly good at any of these things she hopes the practice and patience will help her learn to control her strength.
Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Fiona is here to learn to balance her crazy strength,make friends, and to learn it all!
FEAR: Whirlwind (Headlights): This Roc can whip up a small whirlwind and knock opponents off their feet.
Pre-made please see art
Physical Description:
Eye Colour:
Hair Colour/Style:
Skin Colour:
Clothing Style/Colours: (remember everything is Halloween-ish)
Extra: (mutations, bulbous nose, freckles, etc.)
References: (if applicable)
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:36 pm
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/coocoo crit trainnnnnnnn
HOKAY
This part is just me personally but, maybe reconsider name? I only bring it up as my dude is a zelda based character/species, and he considered Farore, Din and Nayru true deities+ most 'lore' of zelda is considered true lore for him. So for him seeing a student with the a nickname that was held from the spirit of the master sword, and a last name of a goddess he worships is rly awk. I'm not sure about the other zelda based student Lament though. Taking a name direct from a game when a character is inspired by it is often a slippery slope in general so I know most people avoid it. u-u
THAT HOWEVER, Is my own personal opinion so you can take that as you will.
THIS IS REAL CRIT OAO!!
She's upset by her clumsiness, is excitable, confident, enthusiastic. <--- traits that seem to be given in her first personality paragraph.
less reserved, soft, removed fake rainbows/smiles, listener, easy going, creative <----------- second paragraph.
Her clumsiness somewhat dominates her personality and overshadows her traits both for good and bad. Being clumsy is a physical attribute, not a mental one. So a way that might help you get a clear picture of her personality is remove all instance of her clumsiness. (You can still have im meaning do this like a writing exercise lol). After you do that see how much you have left and see if you can't elaborate on it.
One example is how she forces herself to be confident and enthusiastic in public. You have it down to cover for her clumsiness but on it's own, it's still a perfectly normal thing. Her self under that make however she's soft and doesn't force the false qualities.
These are things that I got the feel for, but they got more or less overshadowed.
You say she's less reserved with friends but how so? Is she more sincere? Honest? You have the first paragraph with her being overly extroverted, so just clarify how with her friends reservations are less, (I get the impression you mean less reserved in the sense of her honest feelings that reserved in actions. The way its phrased atm just makes it a bit hard to pick out).
Overall her personality has a lot of GOOD traits that make her personable and very welcoming. I usually encounter the opposite so that's good lol. But of course, there is a flip side to having a lot of good qualities. There are usually a few negatives as well. Again, remember being clumsy isn't a personality trait, that's a physical attribute. She does come off with that forced smile thing which certainly CAN be negative and cause conflict, (ie, not being honest about how she feels, doesn't like to share).
Again you have a very good personality overall, just needs a bit of ironing out.
Nat ability and fear are A+ tho
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
Crew
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:22 pm
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Hi there, you *U* <3 Just gonna go through from top to bottom
But first thing's first, a brief education on the shop and how we incorporate different 'canons'!
So while there are two other legend of zelda inspired students in addition to your own, know that you do *not* need to match your canon to theirs! They exist separately in their own little universe, which is super handy if you interpret things differently.
For example:
I have a pyramid head student, from the town of silent hill. he worships the red pyramid from canon with emotion_kirakira eyes, but he is a figure of lore more than anything else. his powers involve amplifying guilt, natural strength, and cuttin bitches with his blade.
if someone wanted to also get a pyramid head student from a different silent hill, that's okay! if they wanted him to have a different weapon, that's okay! if they wanted him to despise the original pyramid head because he was a rat scoundral D< that's also okay. different powers? still okay!
how can two very different things exist in the same universe?
what happens is that 'my' pyramid head would belong to one clan, and that 'other' pyramid head would belong to another.
this is relevant to you, as farore is a ~deity ooOoo~ to vamps' student, frost, like she said. maybe farore is a long passed down name, and there are a ton of families of farores, dins, and nayrus wandering around, because as a last name, it pays a great homage to these ancient goddesses, to ensure their legacy is never forgotten! (or something like that--you can find any justification you want for it, *U*<3)
Race: I love rocs, /forever biased
Natural ability: Sounds awesome. I bet she could make a pretty penny carting students that can't fly around!
personality: she seems like a girl who has her head up in the clouds (sometimes literally), and is oblivious to the world around her. this results in accidental breakage/property damage, being a little too loud, and tripping over herself.
i love that despite it all, she's got a smile on her face, to hopefully counteract any negativity her actions might bring.
get involved with everything, huh? i hope she joins some clubs, or maybe starts one *U* <3 we need more club activity for sure : D
due to her desire to find something she doesn't 'muck up', i can see her going through a LOT of hobbies. knitting, running, sports, fearleading, musical instruments, etc-- trying them all on until she finds one that fits <3 it would be so cute!
i think i get what you mean when you say 'less reserved' around friends-- she's super friendly and forward all the time, but i'm guessing strangers never really get to see the underside of that, huh? her anxiety about breaking things, or her regret at accidental destruction.
aha @ hobbies, i bet she'd love nothing yet's NPC (he's a goblin, zixil, and he just so happens to be the art teacher<3!)-- he's a little grumpy, but could probably help her with any art things she wants to do!
she looks fun to me, but i would like to know what happens if she DOES lose her temper, or if someone gets mad she broke something. does she apologise profusely, does she get mad if they don't then accept it? or does she cry? flesh out on what happens if there are /consequences/ to her clutzy nature. <3 she's adorable!
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:49 pm
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