Girlfriend intimacy issues

[Body-Chemistry]

I have nowhere else to talk about this.
I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 months now and I have become aware she doesn't like to receive in the bedroom.She also has to force herself to "give". Overall she doesn't like sex. She says she doesn't enjoy it and has issues from being raped. I have tried to be patient with her, but have my own issues with sex. I kind of depend on it. I'm not sure if it's an addiction or if it's a normal level of wanting to have sex.
We have had many arguments and breaks in the short time I've known her. My friends say to move on, but I can't because I love her. I also don't want to make myself suffer. We used to be intimate in the beginning of the relationship, but lately I barely get any affectionate all.
She suggested having an open relationship, but I have incredible insecure and jealousy issues.
She's gone on a ten day trip and when she get's back I want to be able to have an answer on wiether or not we should date,have an open relationship,or break it off completely.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.  

[Sugarmuffincrumblecakes]

First off, open relationships and jealousy do NOT mix. I would completely wipe that one off of the table.

Second of all, there needs to be some understanding on her sexual history. She's been abused in the past. People who are traumatized like that don't view sex as a pleasurable moment. And if they do, in any way, it's all about pleasing the other person. You can't just "let go" of those feelings, those feelings tend to need professional help with dealing with and re-associating sex with pleasure. Put yourself in her shoes for a little bit. You have someone who violated you- used your body for their pleasure and abused your rights of being a human being. Fast forward, you're in a relationship and this person finds pleasure in having sex. Might even be a little forward because, come on, sex feels good. It has to be upsetting for her and a constant struggle. You have to sympathize with that.

There are ways that you can please yourself that'll also give her some time to get her s**t together and see if she does want to be intimate with you. You love her- but you'll also have to be willing to make that sexual sacrifice until professional help is involved. If you can't have a relationship without sex, this isn't the relationship for you. Things are going to be moving slowly.

How long have you two been dating?
I know your avi looks like a male, but I don't know if you're both female or male and female. Lesbian couples do tend to go through drought periods. A time where sex just kind of dies out. You have to reinvent sex, preferably more-so on her terms to make her feel like she's part of this, that this is something you two can do together and be comfortable and safe with.  

[Body-Chemistry]

we're both butch lesbians or 'tops' and have been dating for 4 months. I'm 21 and she's 24. I have tried to sacrifice sex and failed, but I guess I could try again. I have suggested getting professional help, but she says shrinks are a waist of time and that its all "mind over matter". should I try and convince he to get help? or is she right?How can I reinvent sex? should I just pull back completely and wait until one day she feels like trying it? I think I love her enough to live without sex. Although I feel like I'm wasting my youth and time to experiment with sex.  

[the_rotten1]

You could suggest that she get help, but ultimately it's her decision. There is a lot of stigma associated with going to a therapist. You could tell her that not everyone who goes in for counseling is mentally ill. It sounds like the memories of her rape are interfering with her ability to be intimate, but it isn't her fault. There's nothing wrong with her. It's perfectly normal to be traumatized by something like that, but she will have to overcome those feelings eventually if she wants to have a healthy sexual relationship. Therapy can help. A therapist can teach her techniques to manage her emotions so she can feel positive about sex.

Mind you, it doesn't come easy. She may have to face her fears in order to overcome them. I wouldn't take it personally if she doesn't feel like she's ready.

It sounds like you're in a difficult situation. It isn't fair for you to have to sacrifice your sex life for her and it isn't fair to expect sex when she is uncomfortable with it. Maybe making a decision right away isn't the best answer. What if you both made a list of all the things you want in a relationship? Then you could sit down together and talk about where your relationship is now and where you'd like it to be. Maybe you can come to a compromise.  

[The most hygienic greeble]

I'm in your girlfriend's shoes. The_rotten1 is definitely right: you'll have to wait for her to come around. I have sex with my partner, but I get more pleasure out of pleasing them than I do from actually having sex. Also, I don't know if this will help, but I know I have a lot of issues with sex if I am in the same position as when abuse happened. Try switching it up a bit. That is, if you get that far. This will take time, but it will make your relationship a really great one if you both can compromise and find success. smile  

[colon bracket]

End this relationship. You have been together for only 4 months with breaks. It's way too early in the relationship for this many problems. She is not ready to date you, or anyone.

Her issues with sex stem from her rape, which means that she needs to get help. She needs to seek professional help and talk to someone about what happened to her.

If she's not ready for sex then you should not have sex with her or make her feel guilty for not having sex with you. I don't know if you make her feel guilty on purpose, but arguing over the lack of sex in your relationship is not going to fix anything at all.

If you feel like you need to have sex in your relationship then you need to date someone else.

Having an open relationship will not fix anything. Open relationships only work if both parties are welcome to the idea at the beginning of the relationship. It will cause jealousy and even more problems than the ones that you already have.  

[Body-Chemistry]

Thank you everyone so much for this help, i really can't thank you enough for lending an ear for me, a complete stranger, when I had no one else to turn to.

well the problem kind of sorted itself out.
on her trip, after 4 days in, she slept with her friend on a bathroom floor in a zoo while drunk.
I'm a little devastated. I'm not sure which hurts worse, the fact that I lost someone I love and have yet to wait five days to break up with them, or the f*ckin irony.
fml.  

[colon bracket]

Her decision to cheat on you shows that she is not ready to commit to you, or anyone. You should not tolerate cheating.

Being drunk is not an excuse for cheating.  

[Body-Chemistry]

For anyone going through issues and may have had their heart ripped out, I am here to tell you life goes on. It get's sweeter. You may have a callus on your heart and nightmare and issues to work through but life will go on and you WILL get through this. You may be more cautious or more numb, but your heart still remembers how to feel and whether or not that leads you down the same rabbit hole into oblivion or to something better, know that you are a valuable human being who deserves everything amazing you thought possible. It may take a while to manifest itself, but with each day it will get better. Slip backs are necessary, but you grow. I am certain where you were cut something knew can grow and maybe what was cut was poisonous. Mybe you can grow so much more than what was stopping you. You gotta have hope. I have hope in you. Sincerly, Lesson learned.