"They weren't your parents, you know." Styxx looked up from washing the sand from his mane. A frown made its way onto his maw as he stared at the half-blind leopard, moving out of the water. Blaise was one of the few creatures he didn't have visions about, at this point he figured it was because they had quickly become friends and it seemed like he never had visions about those too closely connected to him. "What?"
"Aara and Xerxes, they were not your parents," Blaise replied, tapping at one temple with a claw to emphasize the fact that he'd Seen this. Of all the things his friend could have found out... that was probably the most shocking. "Your mother was... is a goddess. Looked like... she was scared and gave you to someone older to raise. I don't think she knew what Aara was like. Aara wouldn't take the others, only you."
Styxx couldn't breathe. Aara wasn't his mother? All this time... there was a goddess out there who could have raised him, rescued him? Why hadn't she come to him? Why hadn't she heard his pleas? Did she care so little, for her own son?!
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, trying to clear the pain that filled it.
"Do you know...?"
"Her? No, I couldn't say. I Saw her, but don't personally know any gods," Blaise replied with a shake of his head.
"What... does she look like?"
"Fair, for a lioness. She looked really young, younger than you are now. Blonde and blue-eyed like you, only lighter shades. White coat, gold wings-"
"Rainbows on her paws??" Blaise's eyes narrowed almost to slits when his friend interrupted him, the question blurted out on a rough tone, as if someone was choking the young lion. Styxx looked horrified, he started to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have said anything about it. After Styxx had told him those few snippets of his upbringing, the horrible treatment by Aara and Xerxes, Blaise had thought that it might be heartening to hear that somewhere out there, he had a real mother that might just want him back.
"Yes..."
"She saved me..." Blaise's ears flicked forward at the whispered comment. He wasn't sure he'd heard right. Styxx's ruined paw had risen to toy with something around his neck, something Blaise couldn't see."What?"
"That goddess, she was the one to... To help me leave the valley... Who led me to this area... Tari." That... wasn't exactly what Blaise had been expecting to hear. The goddess had helped him leave the valley... and yet hadn't told Styxx that she was his mother? How could she have done that?
"Why... wouldn't-"
"Styxx?" The goddess in question appeared, her tone ever so slightly frantic as she glanced around. Both males stared at her, one with his mouth still hanging open in mid-sentence, the other frowning at her.
"Why are you here?" Did she flinch at his question?
"The necklace. I... " She paused and gave him a small, half-hearted smile. "It's blessed. Touch it, think of me, and I'll know, I'll come."
She glanced at Blaise for a moment before returning her attention to him again and adding, "We didn't hear you then, I... wanted to make sure at least I could hear you now."
He was quiet for a moment, digesting this new piece of information. That seemed a rather significant detail she left out. Was that what she did? Constantly omit what was important? He almost wondered if he wouldn't rather have outright lies.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you'd take it if I-"
"Why didn't you tell me you left me with them?" She jerked back as if his growled words had slapped her. Her gaze flicked to Blaise, he could see the tightening in her jaw.
"Please..."
"Way ahead of you, madam," the leopard rushed out and moved quickly away, even so far as leaving shelter of the oasis altogether. The goddess, Tari, his mother watched his friend leave before she sat down and rubbed a paw against her forehead.
"You were hurt, and very rightfully upset. I didn't... I didn't want to add to that burden. And... Honestly, I didn't want the pain you were already carrying to make you hate me any more than I already deserved." She finally looked up and there were tears in her eyes as she studied him. "Please believe me, Styxx. If I'd had even an inkling of what they would do to you, I never, never would have given you up to them. I swear it."
But... was that really what he wanted? To have never lived in the Valley of Time? To have been raised by this goddess or whoever she'd left his siblings with? To never have lost Arie, but to never have met her, either? Would he have traded her and the misery of his young life for the siblings he didn't know and a gentler home? His heart clenched at the thought. How he wanted to see her again, to feel her hug him just one more time. No, for all he hated his life as a Dal'ek, he couldn't imagine trading his memories of Arie. Even after all the time, the hopelessness, the worry, the pain, he still missed her with a tangible ache. He couldn't quite remember her voice or the exact shade of her eyes, but he clung to the way she'd made him feel, the hope and joy and contentment. They were simply echoes of the real thing, of course, faded ghosts that paled in comparison, but it was more than he'd ever hoped to have.No, he wouldn't trade the world for the time he'd been given with her.
Styxx shook his head slowly.
"I believe you, but what's done can't be changed."
"I know, I can only tell you how sorry I am, and do what I can to make up for it. My word is my bond, Styxx, I cannot lie, though the messages I carry can be false from the lips of others. Sarcasm, disguise, omission, but never outright lies. I swear to you, I will always come when you call for me." The conviction deepened her voice and for once Styxx had no doubt that what she said was true. He glanced down at the medallion she'd given him. He wouldn't be alone anymore, a freaking goddess would come at his call.
Somehow, he didn't feel all that better.
He looked up but his gaze fixed on some stray plant a ways from Tari's right. Styxx had never once in his life been a coward, but for some reason he couldn't drag up the will to meet his mother's guilt-ridden eyes. Eyes that, upon close inspection, completely mirrored his own electric blue.
"Styxx, I-"
"Don't. I need to think about this." He saw her nod out of the corner of his eyes.
"I understand. Take all the time you need. I... You have siblings, two brothers and two sisters. I... They left their home before I returned. I came for you first, I've only found your older brother so far. His name is-"
"I don't want to know. Please, just stop." Tari's mouth closed with an audible snap and she seemed to shrink ever so slightly. He knew he was hurting her, but damn her, didn't she understand how much this was on him right now? He didn't know how to feel about any of this, the last thing he wanted was for her to keep adding to it.
"Okay, I'm sorry, Styxx. Is there anything else you need?"
"No."
"Very well. Should you need me, you only need to call." As quickly as she had appeared, she was gone. Unable to deal with the tumult of emotions beating down on him, Styxx bent his head and let out a harsh roar, eyes squeezed shut.
His eyes were still closed when Blaise slowly padded back up.
"I'm sorry, frérot, I... I had no idea." The leopard carefully approached and placed a paw on Styxx's shoulder. The minute gesture of comfort was more than he'd been given, or accepted, in a long time.
"You keep calling me that."
"It's a language I learned a long time ago. It means 'little brother'." Styxx's gaze shot to the only creature, besides Arie and perhaps Galen, that he had ever considered a friend.
"Why?" Blaise's mouth quirked in a sad, bitter half-smile.
"For all I have brothers of my own, you're the only creature I've actually felt a real kinship to. I have trouble thinking of you as anything less."
Styxx was quite for so long, Blaise almost thought he would pull away. Hell, it's what he expected. The younger male had been battered, burned, beaten, and bruised so often in his short lifetime that he wondered how Styxx could even stand to be in the vicinity of another creature, much less tolerate a touch. And to know that Styxx's visions were even worse than his own, no wonder Styxx lived out here. They were two souls cut from the same tree, unable to cope with constant exposure to others. One used for his visions, the other for his battle prowess, neither relishing the prospect, but taking what the gods had meted out with quiet stoicism.
No, there was no other creature in this world he'd rather call brother.
"You're smaller than me." The words were so soft, Blaise wasn't sure he'd heard them right.
"What?"
"You're the little one. I'm bigger than you." The stupid joke at a time like this was Styxx to a T. Blaise felt his mouth twitched into a shaky smile and he pulled the lion into a half-hug, shaking his head slightly.
"You stupid a*****e."
"Birds of a feather, my brother," Styxx replied as he gently pried himself from the embrace. He could admit, Blaise's apology and awkward attempt at comfort had helped at least a little, but it had only lessened the ache inside. The anger, frustration, pain, loss, it all still burned at him worse than the physician's brands had. He needed time. And for now, what he needed was that time alone.
Still...
"Thank you, for telling me." He watched as Blaise frowned, his brow creased in concern over his pale eyes.
"Are you sure about that? I mean-"
"No, I would have wanted to know. It hurts like hell, but..." Styxx paused, shaking his head. "A part of me is glad to know. I'll figure it out, eventually. I just need time."
Somehow, his friend knew what that meant. Blaise just nodded slowly, despite the fact that there was pain in his eyes.
"When you figure it out, frérot, you know where to find me."
"Take care of yourself until then." With that, Styxx turned away and headed towards home. Or perhaps not, a good, long roam seemed like just what he needed right now. He'd just close up his den and hide his meager belongings first.
(WC: 1,839)