|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:22 pm
My fiance committed suicide back in October 2014 and I am struggling with my faith. Growing up I didn't have the perfect family, I was constantly abused physically, emotionally, and verbally by my dad. I prayed everyday that if there was a man out there who would show me how to love and love me for me that God would show him to me. God answered my prayers and my fiance and I were happy for 5+ years. I know my fiance had PTSD and he was struggling but we prayed for guidance on how to help him deal with his PTSD. I don't understand why my fiance was taken away when I asked for him?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:55 am
(Hi i'm Cristalia, nice to meet you, i hope things get better for you, if you need a chat i'm here stranger =3 )
The god who takes and gives away offers good at any corner he can, to soften the existence we take in this world of sin. Have faith in him, he has much more to offer you in the future, maybe even to help you with your grief. Nothing on earth can fix having the one we love most be taken away, good thing we have a god who cares. Establish a love in god and you will be rewarded, even having your fiance was quite a rewarding experience in contrast to your past lifestyle. I know recovering from a death means shaky faith and reluctance to trust in god or the future to come. But have faith and restore optimism and enthusiasm into your life by doing things you love, restore a passion, talk to friends, spend time alone, explore new experiences. Keep helping others improve their existence even when it seems hard, just remember maybe god sent you to him on purpose, you still exist until you die and remember he had you when he existed, and i'm positive that matters alot, i hope you have a chance to respond to what happened in a way that will leave you satisfied with god and yourself. Please keep asking questions and talking about it until you result in a better place than before, you'll be surprised that there are plenty of people who support you here, and who do already that want to help you too.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 11:48 am
edited kari-rikku My fiance committed suicide back in October 2014 and I am struggling with my faith. Growing up I didn't have the perfect family, I was constantly abused physically, emotionally, and verbally by my dad. I prayed everyday that if there was a man out there who would show me how to love and love me for me that God would show him to me. God answered my prayers and my fiance and I were happy for 5+ years. I know my fiance had PTSD and he was struggling but we prayed for guidance on how to help him deal with his PTSD. I don't understand why my fiance was taken away when I asked for him?
First, mercy: sometimes, God takes someone's life away so they avoid suffering something worse (like Josiah, who YHWH spared witnessing the upcoming judgment because Josiah won God's favor due to his obedience and wholehearted devotion to God—but how does Josiah end up dying? He walks into his own death, despite God warning him, commanding him, not to mess with the king of Egypt. Josiah ignored God's warnings / commands. So, he died in battle. Because of God commanding him not to, I take it that this was not the peaceful death God wanted for him; Josiah's free will choices changed minute details, but ultimately he was spared of what God promised him: spared of seeing the upcoming judgment because of an early death):
2 Kings 22:15-20 (NIV)
15 She said to them, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says:
Tell the man who sent you to me, 16 ‘This is what the Lord says: I am
going to bring disaster on this place and its people, according to
everything written in the book the king of Judah has read. 17 Because
they have forsaken me and burned incense to other gods and aroused
my anger by all the idols their hands have made,[a] my anger will burn
against this place and will not be quenched.’ 18 Tell the king of Judah,
who sent you to inquire of the Lord, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of
Israel, says concerning the words you heard: 19 Because your heart
was responsive and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you
heard what I have spoken against this place and its people—that they
would become a curse[b] and be laid waste—and because you tore
your robes and wept in my presence, I also have heard you, declares
the Lord. 20 Therefore I will gather you to your ancestors, and you
will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am
going to bring on this place.’”
So they took her answer back to the king.
Footnotes:
a. 2 Kings 22:17 Or by everything they have done
b. 2 Kings 22:19 That is, their names would be used in cursing
(see Jer. 29:22); or, others would see that they are cursed.
2 Chronicles 35:20-24 (NIV)
20 After all this, when Josiah had set the temple in order, Necho king
of Egypt went up to fight at Carchemish on the Euphrates, and Josiah
marched out to meet him in battle. 21 But Necho sent messengers to
him, saying, “What quarrel is there, king of Judah, between you and
me? It is not you I am attacking at this time, but the house with which
I am at war. God has told me to hurry; so stop opposing God, who is
with me, or he will destroy you.”
22 Josiah, however, would not turn away from him, but disguised
himself to engage him in battle. He would not listen to what Necho had
said at God’s command but went to fight him on the plain of Megiddo.
23 Archers shot King Josiah, and he told his officers, “Take me away;
I am badly wounded.” 24 So they took him out of his chariot, put him
in his other chariot and brought him to Jerusalem, where he died. He
was buried in the tombs of his ancestors, and all Judah and Jerusalem
mourned for him.
Second, God's judgment. Also consider that sin causes death.
James 1:14-15 (NIV)
14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their
own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it
gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
I'm reminded of an opposite example to Josiah's, and more in line with your situation for more than one reason: the Israelites asked for a King, because their current headship/leadership was corrupt. God gave them a King, like they asked for; he heard his people's cry. But then, what does that King end up doing later on in life and with his life...? Commits suicide out of shame/pride (snowball effect that started by his fear of man and walking in disobedience to God's Word).
The corrupt leadership and God's people asking for a King
1 Samuel 8:1-7 (NIV)
8 When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as Israel’s leaders.[a]
2 The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was
Abijah, and they served at Beersheba. 3 But his sons did not follow his
ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and
perverted justice.
4 So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at
Ramah. 5 They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow
your ways; now appoint a king to lead[b] us, such as all the other
nations have.”
6 But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased
Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. 7 And the Lord told him: “Listen to all
that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but
they have rejected me as their king.
Footnotes:
a. 1 Samuel 8:1 Traditionally judges
God acquiescing to their request for a King
1 Samuel 8:19-22 (NIV)
19 But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want
a king over us. 20 Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king
to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.”
21 When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the
Lord. 22 The Lord answered, “Listen to them and give them a king.”
Then Samuel said to the Israelites, “Everyone go back to your own town.”
1 Samuel 9:15-16 (NIV)
15 Now the day before Saul came, the Lord had revealed this to Samuel:
16 “About this time tomorrow I will send you a man from the land of
Benjamin. Anoint him ruler over my people Israel; he will deliver them
from the hand of the Philistines. I have looked on my people, for their cry
has reached me.”
Saul's Fear of Man, Disobedience of God / Falling Away from God, so God Rejects Him
1 Samuel 15:22-24 (NIV)
22 But Samuel replied:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
he has rejected you as king.”
24 Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned. I violated the Lord’s command
and your instructions. I was afraid of the men and so I gave in to them.
Saul's Suicide
1 Samuel 31:3-4 (NIV)
3 The fighting grew fierce around Saul, and when the archers overtook him,
they wounded him critically.
4 Saul said to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and run me through, or
these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me.”
But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own
sword and fell on it.
So, just because we ask for someone in prayer, and God answers that prayer by sending him to us, it doesn't mean we keep him. That individual has his own free will. He can choose to reject God and leave us.
As hurtful as it is to acknowledge, your fiance chose King Saul's route. He succumbed to fear which resulted in disobedience to God's Word and led to his suicide (I'm not trying to belittle PTSD, like it's easy to defeat, but regardless of what we're dealing with, suicide is not a godly option; and cowardice is spoken of very badly in scripture, to put it lightly).
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)
13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Revelation 21:7-8 (NIV)
7 Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and
they will be my children. 8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the
murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the
idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning
sulfur. This is the second death.”
King Saul was more concerned with how "self" was feeling, and what "self" was able to do or not do, instead of being focused on God and others. In your fiance's case, he was not focused on God and the woman he promised to lead (act as head / protection over). He misguidedly chose the path he thought would lead to immediate alleviation (it doesn't/didn't) and was detrimental to self's well-being—as well as to the well-being of others. He chose something that does not lead to life. By the time a person chooses suicide, there has been a disobedience / betrayal of God sometime prior to that point (whether it's King Saul, Judas, or Samson—three men who committed suicide in the bible).
But it's not just your fiance represented by King Saul's story; you also reflect aspects of 1 Samuel 8: ultimately, what led you to ask for this man, was the corrupt head you had at the time (your abusive father). And you wanted a man to show you how to love (and, though not stated by you, but implied: a man to protect you and care for you, not be abusive to you). Jesus, God himself, is suppose to be the one you look to for love and protection. But you rejected him, like the Israelites rejected God, by asking for human leadership instead of his direct leadership and protection. At that point, they should have asked, "God, you lead us; you take care of us, you protect us; even though the rest of the nations have kings, we don't want one. We want you" instead of asking for a human king to do those godly duties for them (likewise you should have asked, "God you show me how to love"), not "God, send me a man to love me and show me how to love". Man doesn't have God's ability to express love as sinlessly and selflessly as God can. You can't put anyone in his place. He is the ultimate example:
Romans 5:8 (NIV)
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were
still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 John 3:16 (NIV)
16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Luke 22:42 (NIV)
42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me;
yet not my will, but yours be done.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does
not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Ephesians 5:1-2 (NIV)
5 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk
in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a
fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)
12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to
offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is
your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able
to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
"Love" is doing what God wants, even if it hurts you—not taking the cowardly way out to avoid the pain—because facing the hurtful circumstance with God's strength will be beneficial to you and others, everyone involved, even showing favor to enemies (whether they accept it or reject it, is up to them). That's the love of God.
It is better to look to the perfect and sinless expression of love. God looks at the pain and the fear and still decides to withstand it to help others survive. But man may fail to withstand pain and fear, and instead succumb to pain and fear, in their weak attempts to love you. There is no greater protector or lover than God himself.
Deuteronomy 23:14 (NIV)
14 For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to
deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not
see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 (NIV)
3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect
you from the evil one.
Matthew 10:28 (NIV)
28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.
Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
To the King Saul's of the earth: we shouldn't fear man and earthly consequences more than God.
To unloved of the earth: we shouldn't look to man as our ultimate source of love and protection.
God should be our everything.
And that brings me to the third point: trials / God trying you. It's easy to say that he is our everything and the one we look to, but sometimes he'll start removing what he gave you to prove it. Or allow them to be removed out of their own free will, allow them to fail, to remind you that he is #1 and prove whether or not you viewed him as your #1 (like Job: he had his prestige taken away, wealth taken away, health taken away, kids taken away, support of his wife and friends taken away, and his response to all this?)
Job 1:20-22 (NIV)
20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to
the ground in worship 21 and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[a]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.”
22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.
Footnotes:
Job 1:21 Or will return there
Maybe you're going through this same type of trial, to either mold you into, or prove to the world, that the following is true about you:
Psalm 73:25 (NIV)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
And prove that you're worthy of following Jesus.
Matthew 10:37 (NIV)
37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me
is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me.
We can't love family more than God. Those are just some factors to consider based on a few revealed examples in scripture. Ultimately, only God knows what he is doing by allowing this. But he'll work it out for your good in the end if you cling to him. Again, also like Job: God restored everything that he allowed Satan to take away from Job. Whether on this earth or at the resurrection, there will be recompense if you stay loyal to God
Job 42:10-15 (NIV)
10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes
and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and
sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him
in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the
Lord had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver[a]
and a gold ring.
12 The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former
part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand
yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. 13 And he also had seven sons
and three daughters. 14 The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second
Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. 15 Nowhere in all the land were
there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father
granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.
Footnotes:
Job 42:11 Hebrew him a kesitah; a kesitah was a unit of money
of unknown weight and value.
James 1:2-4 (NIV)
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face
trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith
produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you
may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Footnotes:
James 1:2 The Greek word for brothers and sisters (adelphoi) refers
here to believers, both men and women, as part of God’s family;
also in verses 16 and 19; and in 2:1, 5, 14; 3:10, 12; 4:11; 5:7, 9, 10,
12, 19.
Matthew 19:28-30 (NIV)
28 Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things,
when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have
followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve
tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers
or sisters or father or mother or wife[a] or children or fields for
my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit
eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and many
who are last will be first.
Footnotes:
a. Matthew 19:29 Some manuscripts do not have or wife.
So, stay faithful until the end.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 6:01 pm
I cannot express how sorry I am to hear about your fiance...Stay strong in God. I'm sure he will send you another Christian man.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 3:39 am
How are you right now? I'm new to this guild, but I see that the anniversary is coming up and I want you to know that we'll be here for you in any way we can be.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 2:37 pm
Frogsnack How are you right now? I'm new to this guild, but I see that the anniversary is coming up and I want you to know that we'll be here for you in any way we can be. I have good and bad days and I miss his so much more and more. I am still struggling with my faith but I know one day I won't be struggling and I will be right God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 8:05 pm
kari-rikku I have good and bad days and I miss his so much more and more. I am still struggling with my faith but I know one day I won't be struggling and I will be right God. You have every right to be sad and mourn for him. It's common to physically respond to the anniversary of a loved-one's death. My husband for years was depressed around the anniversary of his father's death ( he died early) but he would internalize and think something was wrong with him because he felt off. If you know it's about that time of year maybe prepare a few good things for yourself in that month, maybe meet with people you knew in common and go out and remember him, or it may be as simple as having someone agree to spend more time with you doing fun things, or praying protection over yourself when you know what you're facing. God will comfort those who mourn, so try to worship God in all things when you can (listen to uplifting worship songs etc?) I like air1.com a lot for being a good worship music station online.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
