Zephyr hadn't been out into the water for some time now. The last time she had swam in the deep waters was before the birth of her sons. Kou hadn't wanted her to risk it since then. What if something happened to her while she was pregnant? Then, what if something happened to you? The cubs would be motherless. Blah blah blah...
Some days he just went on and on so much that she tended to tune him out. Zephyr loved her big lug of a mate, but really, he worried far too much over the littlest of things. Swimming out as far as she dared, Zephyr took one last peep at the shore, making sure the coast was clear, before diving under.
There was a slower beat to his step as the massive lion made his way down the beach. Koukakala was exhausted, and it showed. His paws practiced drug in the sand, leaving ruts in his wake. He hadn't been getting as much sleep as he should have and with all the work the Bumani had been doing...
I need a break.
If only he could get Zephyr and the boys to calm down enough at home to give him one.
Speaking of, Koukakala spotted a familiar rump bobbing in the surf, and sure enough, his mate resurfaced for air. He made sure there was a deep enough scowl in place for her to see when she looked.
Uh oh.
Zephyr rode the wave up onto shore, and with a little shake she cleared herself of as much sea water as possible. Since the tide had taken her further down the beach, she was forced to walk back up it in order to reach him.
He looked...old. Kou wasn't old though, and that confused her. He was older than she was, but the male looked to be as old as her grandfather. She frowned, concern covering whatever excuse she had for her actions. "Hey baby, are you feeling alright?" Zephyr brushed her cheek against his, then turned her lone gold eye to look deep into his obsidian orbs.
"Just a little tired, sweets." Kou bumped his forehead against hers, and left it there. His softer breathing was a dead give away to how worn out he really was, even if she couldn't see his lowered eye lids. "Zephyr...you promised me you wouldn't go out so far. What if the current takes you out with it? We might not be so lucky this time."
He had thought he'd lost her once. She had jumped off a cliff into the water, foolishly splashing about when a strong ripe tide took her out to sea. Koukakala had luckily been able to meet her half way, and by then she was so exhausted that Zephyr surely would have drowned. That had stopped his heart once, and he wasn't looking to repeat it.
"Why can't you just listen to me? Just once? I'm only trying to look out for whats best for you."
Zephyr immediately pulled back. Her golden eyes pierced him with a scathing look. "I did listen to you, Kou. The current isn't strong today and if I stretched then I could touch the bottom. That isn't far out at all!" Her voice was slowly rising, filling with that piping emotion that both attracted her mate and repelled him. "Maybe I would listen to you more if you stopped treating me like a cub. I'm an adult, Kou, and your mate. Why can't YOU trust me to do what's right?"
Looking out over the water, the spotted female sighed. "I can't stop being me, Kou. I can't and I won't. Not for you, not for anyone. If I did that then I would resent the boys and you for keeping me pent up. Is that what you want?" Turning back to him, she paused, and asked, "Do YOU resent me for trapping you? Kou, just because we have the boys doesn't mean you have to stay if you don't want to...I know how you hate when we fight."
Their entire relationship was built around as much fighting as cuddling. They were never exceptionally vicious bouts, but enough to raise concern in both adults. This wasn't a fairytale; it never had been. Love kept them together, but at what point would it tear them apart?
Koukakala could feel the migraine already. He reached a paw up to rub at his temple, wishing his mate's voice wasn't so damn loud. "I treat you like a cub because you act like one. Physical age has nothing to do with it." It wouldn't matter if she were as big as the mountains themselves; until Zephyr started acting responsibly he wouldn't be able to let go of her leash. It chaffed them both, but he couldn't just let go now. She would run wild, and get herself killed. He had decided long ago that he would rather have her hate him then to watch her die.
"I've never asked you to be anything other than what you are. I knew you were as unruly as the ocean when we met." He reached out to place a paw on her shoulder, only to have it shrugged off. Kou bristled at the loss of contact. "Where do you think all this resentment is coming from? I don't resent you!" His voice was raising too. Being the large lion he was, Kou's booming voice would surely begin to echo and draw attention after too long. "I hate that you don't seem to care about your life, but I don't hate you. Zephyr, I love you. I love our family. Is it so wrong for me to be concerned when my mate is gone for days at a time and I find her cliff jumping into rock infested waters?"
"Unruly...." Zephyr clucked her tongue bitterly. He never said sweet things to her anymore unless she was cuddling up to him. Maybe she did resent him; just a little. Kou was constantly telling her what and what not to do. 'It's for your safety', he would say. He made her look like a fool in front of her sons because of his constant reprimands.
"I care about my life, Kou. I care about what KIND of life I have! I don't want to sit on the shores and just watch the ocean. I would rather die young doing what I love than sitting on this damn beach wondering about what could have been." She seethed. Zephyr turned to face him, raising a claw to point at his face. "I can't tell you where I go because then you wouldn't let me do it. You won't let me take the boys anywhere without you. What kind of example is that setting? They're adolescents and they can't even be around their own mother by themselves!"
Koukakala stood at that moment. His tired legs were suddenly filled with life as adrenaline poured through him. His body may have been aching, but his heart was being torn to shreds. "Then go, Zephyr. Go do what you want and I'll stay here to support our family. Go on, jump off a cliff and hit your head on a rock." He motioned out towards the ocean with a large, dark paw.
"You want to know why I don't let you take them? I'm afraid they'll end up lie you!" Kou paused for a moment, breathing deeply now that he had shouted it out. They were both stunned by the admission, but it was Kou who recovered first. "...I've seen enough death and heart ache for one lifetime, Zephyr. I can't take anymore."
She didn't realize she was crying until the tears rolled from her cheek onto her paw. His words were honest, but they cut through her like the sharpest of claws. What had they become? Where was the love, the trust? He used to adore the spirit that she had, but now Kou could only see danger.
"...Then maybe we shouldn't be together. Neither one of us is going to budge on this." Looking into his eyes, she took a deep breath and hardened her tear stained eyes. "Once the boys are grown, we're through. I'll go back to living with my mother, and you can go about living your life as safely as you want."
"...Maybe...maybe we should." Koukakala's heart was screaming 'NO!', but his brain was trying to be logical. "We can talk it over in a couple of days. I'm going to...go clear my head."
Standing up, the dejected male moved up the beach into the tree line. He had never felt so broken. All he had ever wanted was the perfect loving family, but he knew now that was nothing more than a lie. Relationships took a lot of work; and sometimes, they just didn't pan out.
He worried for his boys. How would they take the news? How long would Zephyr survive without someone to guide her?
...How would he survive without her?
Kou honestly didn't' want to know the answer to that one.
