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I don't know were else to ask this and it's been running at the back of my mind for a while now. My twin sister and I are artists/illustrators and own a business together. My sister is also about to be married this spring. The man she is marrying is great and I'm super excited for them. Thankfully they both seem to be taking marriage seriously as far as I can tell. They communicate ok, are both Christian, and are in pre-marital counseling with our pastor.

The problem looming in my brain is in the awful terrible case that they get a divorce what would become of the business. Since we live in USA were family court is jacked up to high heaven, I'm apprehensive that if they were to get a divorce that we'd be forced to make him a business partner, end up going broke, selling due to dumb family court decisions and so on. I don't want my sister's life to be ruined but also it could ruin my fiscal life as well. The fiancé's own sister had a business with her husband and it's probably going to get dissolved, I don't know all the details. We both wanted to be artists for most of our lives. I don't want this seemingly awesome guy to come in and and ruin everything. In addition I've been a broke loser for most of my life and I don't want to be on my feet for a change and then be broke again because of a relationship that isn't even mine. This is one of the reasons on my laundry list for why I think marriage isn't worth the hassle.

Additional information, the business isn't making money because we just started. We need a business bank account. I'd rather we received no business help or advice from her fiancé because in the event of a divorce because he could claim he's a deserving partner. It's a partnership, not a sole propriety. We live in North Carolina. I'm not sure if she talked about a pre-nup with him or not. We come from a family wage slaves so I can't ask anyone in my family. I kind of don't want to ask LI either but maybe I'll have to. On to questions:

- Are my fears of their possible divorce launching me into poverty founded? I have a penchant for getting freaked out about major life decisions/changes.
- Should we rewrite the partnership agreement in anyway that could protect the business and our partnership and prevent us from being forced to make him a business partner?
-Is there a way I can protect my portion of assets or business from their potential divorce a la Swiss bank account?
-WHO can I even talk to about this stuff? I'd draft paper work myself but I am definitely not a lawyer. I'd force my sister to serve up a prenup but you can't make people do stuff like that.
-Does all this make me a horrible faithless person?

I want their marriage to work, and everyone to walk off into the sunset. I'm just the type that likes to have contingency plans. This is awful because if neither of us prepare for the possibility then it could end terribly. I'd really like to think he isn't only with my sister so he can get a meal ticket or something. I'm very suspicious of people. If we do (especially a pre-nuptial) it could cause problems. But I don't want to spare his feelings now and then he pull my sister through the ringer later anyway. I just want us to both be taken care of. Sorry if this isn't Christian enough of a question. If this is an inappropriate place to ask then please please direct me to a better place for it.

Thanks for answering. What I mean is for most of my life I haven't had my own money. I've been applying for jobs since I was 14 but I can’t seem to buy a job most of the time. I’ve been laid off multiple times, one was a border-line scam, and one was a very low wage on campus job. The only jobs I haven’t applied for are immoral ones like sex and drug related, and ones I don’t qualify by lack of education, like a doctor or engineer. Not having money is awful and I don't want to beat off my parents. My family isn't super poor, but we aren't well-to do. By the time my twin and I were born they were pretty well established. The only hiccup was when we were temporarily homeless after a natural disaster.


Most of the time I go about my routine and I’m fine but occasionally it bothers me. I try not to think about it too much and work on the tasks at hands or I’ll get overwhelmed. My parent’s nagging doesn't help, I can nag myself just fine. The reason this problem bothers me is because I don't mind failing as much if I did it to myself or it was something unavoidable event like a death or natural disaster or something. The thought that all our work would be ruined because of something stupid, evil, and avoidable (divorce) is very face palm-y.


To the best of your ability you should, as long as it doesn’t interfere with current needs.


That's why I feel terrible about thinking like this and don't want to bring it up to her. I don't want her to bring it up to her fiancé either because it sets a bad tone for their marriage.


My view of marriage is that while it’s not easy it should be do-able. God wouldn’t have created marriage if it were some unsolvable enigma where you can’t possibly finish it out. Which society seems to think it is. Mostly my lack of desire to get married comes from low expectations of people in general. I could write out a list if you want a small wall of text. But nope, in light of the fact I am currently not married anyway, it's not. Also my opinion does not extend to married people. In that case, they wanted they just have to deal with it if they have complaints.

In addition to the above, God placed some verses in my path today that could be of help to you.


- Obedience to his ways and prayer to God is how we prosper (in contrast to the wicked who don't do this):

• Job 21:14-17 (NIV)
  
  14 Yet they say to God, ‘Leave us alone!
      We have no desire to know your ways.
  15 Who is the Almighty, that we should serve him?
      What would we gain by praying to him?’
  16 But their prosperity is not in their own hands,
      so I stand aloof from the plans of the wicked.
  17 “Yet how often is the lamp of the wicked snuffed out?
      How often does calamity come upon them,
      the fate God allots in his anger?

- You can suffer because of sin despite not recognizing it as sin in the moment (or worse, refusing to recognize it as sin); ignorance doesn't save:

• Proverbs 4:19 (NIV)
  
  19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
      they do not know what makes them stumble.
  
  
• Hosea 4:6 (NIV)
  
  6 my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.
  “Because you have rejected knowledge,
      I also reject you as my priests;
  because you have ignored the law of your God,
      I also will ignore your children.
  
  
• Zephaniah 3:5 (NIV)
  
  5 The Lord within her is righteous;
      he does no wrong.
  Morning by morning he dispenses his justice,
      and every new day he does not fail,
      yet the unrighteous know no shame.
  
  
• Luke 12:47-48 (NIV)
  
  47 “The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
  

May our Heavenly Father enlighten your path and give you great peace. heart

Would you say, then, that it's "not worth the hassle"?

And if it's not a denigration of marriage, how would you explain "it's not worth the hassle"? Seems like a value judgment to me.

Keep in mind, Paul says, "because of the present crisis". The situation here is contextual, and does not in any way state that marriage, on the whole, is "not worth the hassle". My point is that a value judgment is being made on marriage as a whole, and I think it is an incorrect value judgment implied by "it's not worth the hassle".

Glad to be of help, in addition to what Brother Joshua provided as food for thought. 3nodding



If a person is neither lonely nor burning with lust, then yes, "marriage is not worth the hassle" on the whole. It's not just in the verse I quoted but throughout the chapter:

• 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NIV)
  
  7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
  
  
• 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV)
  
  8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
  
  Footnotes:
  
  a. 1 Corinthians 7:8 Or widowers
  
  
• Matthew 19:9-11 (NIV)
  
  9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
  
  10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
  
  11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.

Everything is contextual. Even the verses about getting married in the first place. They are contextual. If someone has a problem (such as, "loneliness", "burning with lust"), and they can be faithful, then, yes, people should marry; it would do them good. However, if they are not lonely or not burning with lust or cannot be faithful, then people are better off if they avoid marriage—to avoid hurting themselves, their spouse, whoever they get involved with afterwards, and whatever children result out of the relation / come under their care. We need to choose wisely in this fallen world, depending on our needs. It's not "worth it" for everyone.

There's nothing inherently wrong about God's design, intent, and function for marriage (nor was it my impression from the opening post that Sister apiyo suggested that there was anything wrong with what God intended). The problem lies in corrupt/sinful people. They fail to give the marriage relationship its proper use / not recognizing what it is for. They fail to realize just how deeply they can hurt someone else, and the whole family unit, when they relate on such an intimate level, and do so wrongly/selfishly/sinfully. Those factors are what makes marriage "not worth the hassle".

For others, marriage is very useful in their walk with God while on this earth—particularly if they burn with lust or are lonely. Otherwise, it's not useful. That's why Paul keeps repeating, and I paraphrase, "yeah, avoid it if you can, but if you can't, that's okay, you're not in sin/transgressing the law; marriage is not sinful/a transgression of the law—though it does have its drawbacks in this world / these surrounding circumstances".

That said, looking at the big picture, ultimately, marriage is not something that is permanent; one's marriage is nullified upon death. You're not married forever. And marriage is not here to stay (aside from our "engagement/marriage" to Jesus: the consummation of that union, a.k.a. our coming together, later, is the point when we'll live together with Jesus forever).

Marriage not permanent:


• Romans 7:2 (NIV)
  
  2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him.
  
  [note to anyone reading: this doesn't mean she can sin sexually from that point on, nor that if she remarried, then those laws don't apply to her, just that she's not recognized as belonging to anyone, she's no longer bound to her now-deceased husband and is free to remarry or stay single, whichever]

Marriage has no use post-resurrection:


• Luke 20:34-36 (NIV)
  
  34 Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, 36 and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection.

What marriage prophesies: Marriage to Christ.


• Ephesians 5:25-32 (NIV)
  
  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
  
  Footnotes:
  
  a. Ephesians 5:26 Or having cleansed
  b. Ephesians 5:31 Gen. 2:24
  
  
  
• 1 Thessalonians 4:17 (NIV)
  
  17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.
  
  
  
• John 14:2-3 (NIV)
  
  2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

And thus why we don't have sexual relations prior to marriage (not only to guard our physical and emotional well-being on earth [preventing problems such as unwanted pregnancies or bringing a child into this world and struggling to survive due to lack of financial stability, housing, and a committed relationship, and avoid hurt feelings due to half-hearted relationships]) but also to prophesy things about Jesus (we will live with him when he returns, when we unite, and it will be forever. At that point, earthly marriage will be pointless/useless, in both a physical and prophetic sense).

In short, I didn't see, in her opening post, Sister apiyo expressing that the very institution of marriage, in and of itself, has no value, but because of the state of this world and its corrupt/sinful people it is of no benefit to her, nor does it satisfy an emotional need in her. Had she been making a judgment about the very institution of marriage, in and of itself, then she wouldn't be excited for her sister getting married at all, nor speaking well of the couple getting pre-marital counseling—if the thought of marriage, in general, was abhorrent and unethical in her mind.

As always, our conversations provide fodder for deep meditation razz Much love, (edit: and much love to the Holy Spirit for inspiring such conversations)

your Sister in Christ,

Maria heart

Cristobela summed up my thoughts, Biblically, pretty well. I don't hate the institution of marriage per say, it's not at the top of my priorities list. Would it be cool to get married? Sure. In order to get married though you have to get the man in the 1st place and modern dating/courtship is pretty annoying. Also relationships are a lot of effort because it's not just the fun stuff. You have to look after that person and make sure their needs and wants are fulfilled. I've seen some conflict resolution with married and dating people and it is intensive. It's not something to go into lightly. I've also noticed my sister's relationship takes up a lot of time. Not saying it's bad, but you can't date and marry someone and then neglect them. Relationships are very intensive. It's not like I'm on my head to have sex. It's not like men are lined up for my hand in marriage. If I don't have a husband and kids around when I'm old it doesn't mean I'll be old and alone. I don't have much of a reason to be obsessed with it.

And yes Scarlet my sister is aware of my apathy towards getting married. She does, however, really want to be married and I would NEVER tell her to not ever get married too. If she doesn't want to contain herself and be without a husband's companionship forever then being single for ever wouldn't be "worth the hassle." I love it when other people get married because there are definatly worse options. We've talked about this way before she even met her fiancé.