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 Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 7:30 pm
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Well hi, i need what do you think of my situation, sorry if my grammar is not very well.
this is my problem, i met a guy that is 26 years old, and i am 15, we are friends, we like each other, but he thinks, and of course he is right that i am to younger for him, but is this the moment when i think that the age doesnt matter, i talk with many friends, and well this is annoying , but they told me: are you insane!? what happened to you? you are going to the bad way. I am not agree with them, i know that the problem of being with someone older than me, is that he maybe have another intentions, but people! not all the people thinks and act like that!, if i am lucky, he will respect me, if he not, well i will finnish that relation. He is a good guy and i like him so much.
One of my friends told me that this relations, are bad experiences, and that later i will feel depress and used.
Because she had that kind of relations, but come on, she had sex with them, when they weren't a couple yet.
And i dont think that i will have sex with him, now, maybe in the future, but not now.
Well why do you think?
Please give me tips.
Thanks and take care
Again, sorry for my bad grammar.
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 7:41 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 8:08 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 8:21 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:18 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:17 pm
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*Sigh* This one is a tough topic to tackle properly. I'm going to start out with the worst case senerio first and go from there. I'm going to start with the possibility of him really being an internet preditor trying to gain your trust in order to get close enough to you to have his way with you. Don't scoff. This has happened to more naive teenagers than I really want to think about. They meet someone online they really feel they can click and relate with, and granted they are older but they feel they can deal with the age gap and agree to meet that person without their parents knowledge... then their world tilts and they find the person they are meeting isn't anything at all like the person they talked to on the internet. Sometimes the person they meet is really much older than they said they were, and perhaps not even the same person as pictures exchanged. All right, that is pretty much the worst case senerio (and assuming this is someone you know online since that isn't really specified). The part to take from that is to NEVER under ANY circumstances meet someone from the internet by yourself. Take your parents with you. It doesn't matter if it's "Uncool" because it's much better to be uncool than to be raped.
Now, on to the second senerio. The age gap between 15 and 26 is a wide one. As you get older age won't matter as much because you'll generally be on the same page in your life, but the differences between someone in high school and someone living out on their own and pursuing their own career is a big one. A 26 year old is most likely getting ready to settle down and have kids, where as a 15 year old is still trying to figure out what college to go to, and what to be when they grow up. The generational reference gap can also be difficult to navigate, and you might just end up making him feel like a horrible person and a *****. You two pretty much will be living in different worlds, and have completly different views on things. Where you might feel your parents are driving you up the wall and a being too controling, he might feel he hasn't seen his parents in a while and feel bad for not calling them up more often. There are quite a few things he remembers that you might end up learning about in history class. ^^* Besides all of that there is also the legal issue that he can't be in a real relationship with you because he is way too old as other people have mentioned. The statutory rape laws can be strick, and your parents can prosocute him for it if you guys ever do come to that point, and 3 years is a long time for anyone to wait especially if they have had that particular type of relationship before, they will wish to have that level of intamacy and closeness again. Again, he is an adult and will be looking for adult relationships.
Another thought is that a lot of relationships do end messy. If you two do get together and it doesn't end well you risk loosing a friend. I would strongly suggest retaining your friendship with him for now, and if you still feel the same way about him in another 2 or 3 years, then perhaps then it would be time to bring up the idea of dating, but if you don't feel that you can wait that long then perhaps it is more of a crush on your friend than an actual desire to form a long term relationship and commitment to him.
My final thought on this is you have to take his feelings into consideration as well. A relationship is a serious give and take thing that requires a lot of time, love, energy, and effort to maitain. If he doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him then it is doomed before it even starts because he might not want to be anything more than just friends. I know when you're younger it feels like if you are friends with a boy than perhaps you should push to become more than just friends and have a relationship, but truth be told having male friends without any other reason other than friendship can be a rewarding and enriching experience in itself. I would look to date people a little closer to your own age right now, and again if you still feel the same way in even a full years time then bring it up with him again, but you still have your entire life ahead of you yet, and I don't think you are quite ready for what he would expect of you relationship wise.
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:56 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:54 am
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:50 am
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 1:41 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:04 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:43 pm
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 11:56 am
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lurichan *Sigh* This one is a tough topic to tackle properly. I'm going to start out with the worst case senerio first and go from there. I'm going to start with the possibility of him really being an internet preditor trying to gain your trust in order to get close enough to you to have his way with you. Don't scoff. This has happened to more naive teenagers than I really want to think about. They meet someone online they really feel they can click and relate with, and granted they are older but they feel they can deal with the age gap and agree to meet that person without their parents knowledge... then their world tilts and they find the person they are meeting isn't anything at all like the person they talked to on the internet. Sometimes the person they meet is really much older than they said they were, and perhaps not even the same person as pictures exchanged. All right, that is pretty much the worst case senerio (and assuming this is someone you know online since that isn't really specified). The part to take from that is to NEVER under ANY circumstances meet someone from the internet by yourself. Take your parents with you. It doesn't matter if it's "Uncool" because it's much better to be uncool than to be raped. Now, on to the second senerio. The age gap between 15 and 26 is a wide one. As you get older age won't matter as much because you'll generally be on the same page in your life, but the differences between someone in high school and someone living out on their own and pursuing their own career is a big one. A 26 year old is most likely getting ready to settle down and have kids, where as a 15 year old is still trying to figure out what college to go to, and what to be when they grow up. The generational reference gap can also be difficult to navigate, and you might just end up making him feel like a horrible person and a *****. You two pretty much will be living in different worlds, and have completly different views on things. Where you might feel your parents are driving you up the wall and a being too controling, he might feel he hasn't seen his parents in a while and feel bad for not calling them up more often. There are quite a few things he remembers that you might end up learning about in history class. ^^* Besides all of that there is also the legal issue that he can't be in a real relationship with you because he is way too old as other people have mentioned. The statutory rape laws can be strick, and your parents can prosocute him for it if you guys ever do come to that point, and 3 years is a long time for anyone to wait especially if they have had that particular type of relationship before, they will wish to have that level of intamacy and closeness again. Again, he is an adult and will be looking for adult relationships. Another thought is that a lot of relationships do end messy. If you two do get together and it doesn't end well you risk loosing a friend. I would strongly suggest retaining your friendship with him for now, and if you still feel the same way about him in another 2 or 3 years, then perhaps then it would be time to bring up the idea of dating, but if you don't feel that you can wait that long then perhaps it is more of a crush on your friend than an actual desire to form a long term relationship and commitment to him. My final thought on this is you have to take his feelings into consideration as well. A relationship is a serious give and take thing that requires a lot of time, love, energy, and effort to maitain. If he doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him then it is doomed before it even starts because he might not want to be anything more than just friends. I know when you're younger it feels like if you are friends with a boy than perhaps you should push to become more than just friends and have a relationship, but truth be told having male friends without any other reason other than friendship can be a rewarding and enriching experience in itself. I would look to date people a little closer to your own age right now, and again if you still feel the same way in even a full years time then bring it up with him again, but you still have your entire life ahead of you yet, and I don't think you are quite ready for what he would expect of you relationship wise. |
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 11:57 am
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:16 pm
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It has already been said, but I agree, just wait.
It may hurt to wait, it can cause you to go crazy. I know, I've been there.
I was in love with a girl who was only 6 years older than me. I had known her for 11 years of my life already.
We liked eachother, a lot. I thought it was love, but I was wrong. I was used by her. She had sex with me a few times, then was gone forever. She never called back, never even wrote me a letter.
I was lost in a world of pain.
Don't follow in my path.
Like it was said, this may not be a doomed relationship, but if it is, it hurts way more.
I say, just wait. If everything works out in the end, you are lucky.
But if not, I know the pain.
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