- Beel had been silent since the meeting ended.
It did not rain in the Otherworld anymore, not as a constant, but Shiloh couldn’t wash the sound from his ears. The way the droplets hit the window, the gentle thrum; it had lulled him to sleep one too many times and now it was etched into these halls like a haunting lullaby. Between the staggering silence he felt between Beel, it was a godsend, even if it was only a temporary mental fill to satiate the masses.
“You wanted to break her hand, I know.” Shiloh said in sudden acknowledgement. This room was in the depths of his demesne, and it had that rustic scent of paint and charcoal, sometimes metallic like blood. The viscosity of this ink was all wrong, he noted, as he watched it bleed across the paper. It was set up like an art studio, though this was only the first time he’d been within its confines. The atrium washed in teals and aquamarines had been his home away from home, and something about this room was vaguely reminiscent. He couldn’t tell if it brought him comfort or remorse.
“You saw Silk,” Beel drawled quietly, “You don’t understand, Shiloh. Won’t understand.” The curvature of his neck looked exaggerated with the way his corpse-like skin stretched over his rotted muscles, his head bowed like a reverent priest. There was no piety to be had here. “Regardless, we’ve spoken about it already.”
“Yeah, but…” His lips pursed. Shiloh was so tired, had been so tired through the entire meeting, was so much more tired now, “Even if you’re loyal to me by the books, it’s not like you’ve shown any actual devotion.” The fetch lifted his head at that, and Shiloh only shrugged, “It isn’t bad. I wouldn’t want you chasing my ankles calling me your Lord. All I’m saying is Melany said one thing, and—“
“And yet I did not act.” Beel had no eyebrows, but the subtle curvature of his face made his skin raise like he did, “Shiloh, inaction is still action, are you familiar with the phrase?”
The young lord looked perplexed. “But that’s the thing. You love the Madame.”
“And you asked me not to strike down the uncouth tithe. I obeyed.” Something dark glittered in Beel’s features, “I told you. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“To be stripped of everything that creates you.” Beel started, “When the Madame chooses you, it doesn’t seem like a gift at first. She beats you, she strips you of everything you love, she takes it all away and rebuilds you.” His head tilted, “You know this, don’t you? You empathize? That’s not what I’m talking about. She would never harm a fetch, not in the way she would harm a human. Had she a real distaste for you, the trials would have never happened. There never would have been an opportunity. You would have died, Shiloh.”
He was silent, if only for a moment.
“The thing I have always feared was death. It’s a natural response, correct? I failed.” Something thick overlaid his voice, “I failed, but I did not die. I was loyal, and I was thus rewarded.” His arms spread out to either side, as if he were presenting himself for the entire world to see, “Your hair falls out, your skin starts to harden. Mine peeled and peeled and peeled. Every fetch wishes to regain what they lost. Every fetch wishes for their skin, their beauty, their life. A deathless death is eternal, but it’s still a death. I died that day. And now I'm what you see standing before you."
"And it's not just you," Shiloh murmured as he filled in the blanks, "It's all of them..."
"Correct." His voice rumbled, "Granted, we were not all borne from the Lady's generosity. Many came from Ezra." His arms fell to his sides again, "They were both very old Nobles. The Madame had many, many failed tithes. Still, she loves us. She cares for us. We care for her in kind."
"I understand that now." Shiloh said as he drew in a long, slow breath. "But still, why did you listen to me?"
Beel was quiet, the inner mechanisms of his mind clicking together slowly like cogs in a grandfather clock. "If you could change the charter and the Court, what would you do?"
"We've had this discussion."
"What would you do?" Beel insisted.
Shiloh sighed. "I'd listen to what everyone else wanted first." Beel's stare was harsh upon him, "But... I'd use it for myself, for some things, of course I would. Everyone had their own ******** agendas. At least mine isn't selfish." He huffed, "I know what Melany went through. At first I thought I could use it to lock the Spinel Lady away, or kill that part of her. It's not so simple." His tongue clicked against his teeth, "I can never forgive the Lady for what she did to me, but I understand it now. I know why. She's twisted." He looked towards Beel, "It doesn't make it right, it'll never make it right, but the fact is... the Spinel Lady isn't Melany. Melany just wants to live a normal ******** life. I'd rather see her dreams through."
Beel nodded slowly.
"It's like, even though she was terrible, and abusive, and cruel, it... she never chose what happened to her." He expression shifted, somewhat uneasily, "She never chose to bear the weight of the sigil. And it sounds like most fetches didn't choose to die the way they did. And most tithes don't choose to be tithes."
"Go on, go on." Beel was... smiling?
"I want to make it fair. I want it to be kind. I don't want our reputation and respect to come from fear because we're strong." Shiloh said, "No more blood in the walls, no more bones of the innocent being thrown in the mix. I wanna see Melany freed and the Court restored to a new sort of glory." He motioned vaguely to the sky, "I want our positions to be inherited, not forced upon others. I want fetches to walk as people without being bound to the Court. I want to find a cure for the moonwalker madness so Jamie never has to hurt like that again. I want time to come to this world, and I want to be able to die someday." He frowned, "But, like, I guess my case is more complicated. I'm a noble, but I'm a principal too."
"See? That's why." His fetch made it sound like it was clear as rain. Shiloh tilted his head, and his fetch chuckled, "When Silk called you the devil-child, she meant it. She hates other Nobles. She hated you. She still probably does, sort of, just not as much. That's still saying something." Beel nodded, "I digress. I hated you too. I still do."
"But not as much?" Shiloh said wryly.
"And that's saying something." Replied Beel, but his tone wasn't haughty. "I trust you."
"You... trust me?"
"You were raised by the Madame. You were made into a Noble under her supervision. These two facts were not enough, but you're learning too." Beel took a seat next to Shiloh, "You said you would fight to get my skin back. Had you said that a few months ago, I would have laughed in your face. I think you realize it now, what this Court is, what it means to be a part of it. Not completely, but enough." His long, gnarled fingertips laced with one another, "Enough so that I would stand by your opinion. I've thought a lot about what you said."
Shiloh tilted his head.
"You could regain my skin again, possibly, but my humanity is something I would have to withhold myself. The Court does more than twist you. You throw behind things that hurt you. You did the same, did you not?"
Shiloh thought about it, how he locked his memories away, how he forced himself to forget about the things he loved. He became a doll during his time as a tithe. "Yeah..."
"So," Beel crossed his legs, "I smash someones hand because I was instructed, and regain my skin. To what end does that help me achieve in the long run?" He sighed, "Or I wallow in my misery a little longer and achieve my freedom that way. Your way. Although..."
"Although?"
"If you fail." Beel said cooly, "Or I find out you were full of lies, or that my trust was misplaced, then..." He laughed, "I have no problems taking you out. Sure, I would die, but it would be worth it for the sheer indignation. That—" He scoffed, "—Is saying something."
"Well then." Shiloh took the threat well, all things considering, "I'll hold you to that then."
"Excellent."
"Now then." He held up the charter in its folio, "Help me seal this, would you?"
"Of course, of course." Beel moved to scoot closer.
"I am serious though," Shiloh added, "I think you'd like Dairy Queen. Panera too."
His fetch only laughed.