[prp] Seeking no advice (To’da, R’ulfr, Relly)

[Thaliawen]

R’elien had had enough of the glum faces coming from one of the smaller kids at the buckets. Shards, he’d impressed! A bronze, at that! The kid should have been over the moon. R’elien was, and shardit, he’d impressed a blue. Something wasn’t right with the kid. Despite usually playing the part of indifferent gambler, the teenager headed for the weyrlingmaster with his blue trailing behind him.

“Something’s wrong with the kid,” he muttered, when he’d gotten near enough. “Dunno what, but something.”

Oiling a newborn bronze had been more of a challenge than To’da had expected. “We don’t want your hide cracking!” He said, as he carefully rubbed oil into his partner’s hide. It would risk infection, and if they’d been old enough to between, even worse. The worst.

You won’t let that happen. There’s no sense in worrying over something that won’t happen, mine. Do not worry! The bronze nosed at To’da.  

[Melomar]

R'ulfr was at his new desk, looking at papers. Who knew that this job required the completion of so much paperwork? Or letters? Skins, books and scrolls, all perused by the Weyrlingmaster day after day. At least there was a good archive of the curriculum for every stage of growth from Hatching onward. That was, arguably, the easiest part of the job.

When the teenager approached, he tried to put face and new name together. He was still learning. "R'elien. What can I do for you?"

"Have you asked any of your classmates about it?"

"Asked him about it?"

"You haven't talked to him at all, have you?"

"All right, go talk to him."  

[Thaliawen]

Well, no, he hadn’t.

“No.”

He hadn’t asked him, either.

“No.”

He hadn’t talked to the kid. Maybe he should have, but that would have given away his position as concerned bystander.

“No, sir. Maybe fix what’s bothering him so we can all study.”  

[Melomar]

"Snide retorts will not get your point across nor get you what you want any faster than gentler words. Go talk to him first then come back to me and complain." To be honest, R'ulfr had been a little concerned when he noticed To'da's mood at the Hatching, without knowing his personality. He could have been just a gloomy kid. But he was not bothering anybody and did not suffer a lack of industriousness, so had not seen fit to bother him about it. And besides, the students needed to learn to rely on and help each other like the team they so needed to become. So, good luck young R'elien.  

[Thaliawen]

What?! R’elien opened his mouth to snap. This was the weyrlingmaster’s job, he was getting paid for this! He frowned. “Look, I’m worried about the kid. He should be over the moon. Celebrating, anything. Shards...” Why did he care? The kid was unhappy, but normally he might have taken bets on how long it’d take him to crack.

“Fine. But afterward, you deal with him.”  

[Melomar]

R'ulfr could not help but wonder what R'elien meant by that but he would find out soon enough. Before the boy turned to leave he went back to his (very boring) paperwork.  

[Thaliawen]

It wasn’t long before R’ulfr would find out. Ten minutes after R’elien had left, a wide eyed and very apologetic To’da came to the weyrlingmaster’s desk.

“R’elien says you wanted to talk to me, sir? I’m sorry, whatever I did—“ it wasn’t Satvuth’s fault. He hoped none of the blame fell on his beloved dragon! “Er. R’elien says it was pretty bad but I can’t think of anything I did.”  

[Melomar]

It was a good thing that R'ulfr went back to work. It took a good ten minutes to discover the results of the boys' little talk. To'da came back to R'ulfr's desk without R'elien. Good for him, he wouldn't like his punishment. But his ire was not for the young Bronzerider, so he regarded him with confusion and concern. "The only thing you did wrong was let what's bothering you affect your classmates. R'elien came to me because he was concerned. Whatever else he may have said to you, you are certainly not in trouble."  

[Thaliawen]

Oh, so people had noticed. To’da looked away from the weyrlingmaster. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I’m trying to keep it from getting to me. Satvuth is wonderful and I’m trying to focus on him...”

But his heart was broken. At least he wasn’t in trouble.

“How do I fix this, weyrlingmaster?”  

[Melomar]

R'ulfr nodded. "From my vantage point you have done well to care for your dragon. Sativuth is thriving and you have kept up with your studies. So what does that leave that could be troubling your classmates? The source of your pain. What has been troubling you?"  

[Thaliawen]

“I hope so. I love him.” Sativuth was the light of his life, a constant companion. The best bronze in all Pern. The best dragon.

“My brother hates me,” he said. “He’d wanted a bronze since—forever, I guess, and then...” He took a breath. “But the dragon is always right and I can’t blame Sativuth. He needed me.”

We needed each other. I am here for you, mine.  

[Melomar]

R'ulfr watched the boy while he explained the situation. Yes, dragon color used to matter, but not anymore. "Your brother has a Green, doesn't he? I wonder if he realizes how important they are," he muttered to himself. "It seems to me that you have already grasped the situation, most importantly the key to overcoming this. Sativuth chose you, and you know that none of this is your fault. So now the most difficult part sits before you: learning to let go. You need to stop worrying about your brother. He is his own responsibility. You can't make decisions for him or force him to do anything. So do yourself a favor and let go."  

[Thaliawen]

“Yeah, a green.” The green that had hurt him. To’da frowned at the memory. He knew his brother had been stubborn, but surely there had been other ways to gain his attention? He nodded at R’ulfr’s words before freezing. Let go? How could he? “But sir, he’s my brother.” Couldn’t they fix the situation instead?

I think the weyrlingmaster is correct, Mine. You are only hurting yourself by worrying. Let go so you can be happy. Aren’t you happy that I, Sativuth, chose you?

A sad smile peaked at either end of To’da’s mouth. He wrapped his arms around his bronze.

“Course I am.” How could he not be? But letting go? How did he even begin? “I don’t know where to start, sir. We’ve always been together.”  

[Melomar]

"In order to let go, so to speak, you need to stop worrying about your brother. To do that you need to trust that he will do the right thing, and if he doesn't, that he can figure out how to fix the problem. Also, he's only human, and humans make mistakes. They do the wrong thing. So when he does, just try to forgive him. There isn't much else we can do." The Weyrlingmaster spoke with feeling. It wasn't just another lecture to him. He had had to learn this lesson too. He had also failed many times, and remembered again what it was he was supposed to do: let go. "Also, learn to forgive yourself. You are a good person. I know it and your dragon knows it."  

[Thaliawen]

Need to stop worrying? But how could he? There were more things to worry over now that they had Impressed! The plague, Thread, the plague, getting lost between, the plague... To’da stared at R’ulfr for a long, long time. How could he? He didn’t think he could. “I don’t want him to get hurt,” he said. But Turanves was a good person, wasn’t he?

He always had been. Even if he was a cocky dimglowed teenager. He’d always been what To’da had most aspired to be. Of course I’ll forgive him,” he said. Humans made mistakes. Even Turan.

You’re a good person, Sativuth assured him, before To’da could protest.

“Forgive myself... I’ll try.”