{SRP} A Daughter’s Pain and a Father’s Duty

[Regal Renegade]

This is a self RP between Alexiel & his daughter Lumriel

 

[Regal Renegade]

Alexiel’s gaze drifted from the gathering storm clouds overhead to a pale figure that had appeared on the horizon. At first he could not identify the silhouette as his daughter’s for it lacked the usual grace and lightness of step she had often demonstrated upon returning home to visit with her parents. Instead every hoof moved as though it were bogged down in deep, sucking mud and her neck was bent in defeat. There was pain there. Exhaustion. And when it finally clicked in his mind that this sad character was Lumriel, he felt his heart drop into his belly. Something was wrong.

He didn’t wait for her to make it to the bottom of the hill he was currently atop of but instead immediately took off at a trot toward her, wings folding in at his sides to enable him to move more quickly. For a stallion that once seemed entirely devoid of emotion, the expression he wore now spoke volumes. Lumriel was his only daughter, his little filly, and already his heart was breaking for her. Even more so when he was near enough to see her ragged appearance and catch the redness of her once beautifully sparkling eyes.

“Lumi.” He offered softly but with every bit of a father’s tender strength behind it. “What is it?”  

[Regal Renegade]

She was tired, so very tired. It had been a long time since the night had greeted her with any kindness at all and it was beginning to show. Everything had fallen apart. Everything. How had she gotten here? What choices had she made that she should not have? Her head hurt and even the flower she wore behind her ear had started to wilt. This was not what she had pictured. Not what she had wanted, but it was what she had gotten.

Gio had been kind to her. Had loved her and she had given him two incredible sons and an amazing daughter, all of whom she loved with every fiber of her being, but she had left. Her heart had belonged to another and she had been unable to shake it or to forget him. Her thoughts had been consumed with a pumpkin patch illuminated by green flames and a stallion who had made her heart sing. Nightmare was still all around her and even though he had vanished to protect her she had resolved to find him and to tell him she never wished to be parted from him again.

Only…she had not found him. She had been looking for months, asking anyone and everyone she crossed paths with and even going so far as to ask her children for help, but it had all amounted to nothing. He was gone. Had he ever really loved her? Or had it all been one of those fleeting moments she so often heard about? Whatever the case, she was alone and her children hardly spoke to her as a result of her poor decisions. She had hurt them.

“He’s gone.” She quavered, eyes lifting from the ground to her father who suddenly appeared before her. “I’ve ruined everything.” Tears burned hot in her eyes and she drooped.  

[Regal Renegade]

No amount of the wisdom he had gathered during his years spent searching made witnessing his daughter fall apart before his very eyes any easier, nor did it give him any immediate solutions on how to help her. He had heard of the troubles that had plagued her on occasion from his grandchildren but he by no means knew the entire story. From what he could make of it however, it was a tale of loss, confusion and heartbreak. Lumriel’s own words solidified that in his mind the moment she uttered them.

His head came forward and he nuzzled her cheek softly before moving to drape one large wing over her back and leading her up the hill where they could possibly rest in the grass and talk without being disturbed. She move easily and wordlessly at her side, silent aside from the occasionally sniffles and soft whimpers that bubbled in her throat. The only thing that encouraged him was how easily she had leaned against him. She was safe with him and he would help her however he was able.

“I guarantee you haven’t.” He replied once they were beneath the tree he often spent the day musing under. “Mistakes are never permanent unless you give up on trying to make them right. Tell me what happened dear one; I’m here.”  

[Regal Renegade]

Her father’s warmth was a welcome reprieve from the almost permanent chill that had settled over her. He was so strong at her side and it made up for every bit of weakness she felt, though it did very little to alleviate the heaviness of her heart. Still, it transported her back to a better time. To when she was that shy little filly who would hide behind her brother or father whenever strangers came around, and who had yet to fall in love and learn the bitter taste of heartbreak. She would not trade her six children for the world; she just wished she could go one day without feeling this way.

“I don’t know about that…” The train of words came out broken and meek. “I’ve made so many mistakes daddy.”

Her ribs creaked as a heavy sigh expanded beneath them and she pressed the side of her head against her father’s chest. Closing her eyes she tried to figure out where to begin. Her life had been such a whirlwind and much of it had been spent away from her family. He knew of Nightmare and Gio of course, and he obviously knew about his grandchildren, but she had always been too ashamed to tell him everything.

“I tried to find Nightmare. I looked for so long. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he didn’t hurt me and that I wanted to be with him.” She shuddered, her words beginning to slur as she started to cry. “I left Gio and became so distracted with the search that I hardly spent any time with my children. They are so angry at me and I don’t blame them. Amelia blames herself for her father leaving and Gareth can’t stand that I left his father for someone who he says didn’t care enough about me to stay.”

Tears fell freely now, carving glistening trenches into the silvery hair on her cheeks. “Nightmare is gone. I’ll never see him again and now my children are like strangers to me. What have I done?”  

[Regal Renegade]

He held her, every shake of her slender form beneath his wing fracturing his heart further. She had always been small but she seemed even more so now. She had been his delicate flower since day one but now she was wilting before his very eyes. Part of him knew that this was good; this was progress. However he hated seeing her in such misery. He wished he could scoop her up and soar into the clouds where they could both forget about everything, but that was not the answer. So he just listened until she needed him to speak.

“Lumriel,” he shook his head and used his other wing to guide her head away from his chest so that he may look at her, “you made mistakes. If you can name one individual who hasn’t then I will change my tune, but that is impossible. Mistakes are how we learn.”

He looked away for a moment to consider his next words carefully.

“You fell in love and that looks different for everyone, but you also had your heart broken. Nightmare left you because he thought he would only bring you pain. Amelia’s birth terrified him. That was his mistake and I am so sorry you’ve had to suffer for it. That all of you have had to suffer for it.” He echoed her sigh. “And then you tried to move on. You tried to start over but, as your mother can attest to, the heart and the mind are two very different entities. One is logic and the other emotions; they often don’t mix and this causes strife and pain. But we learn from it.”

His wing tightened around her in a squeezing embrace and he tried for a soft, comforting smile.

“Your heart needs to heal and that will take time, but nothing is ruined. Your children are still here and you can still make an effort to be there for them. They can ease your pain. You can still love them and they can still love you. It won’t be the same but I think you will find that, if you focus on that first, everything else will fall into place.”

Taking a small step away he made certain he was looking her squarely in the eye before continuing.

“Love, in it’s many forms, hasn’t abandoned you yet nor has forgiveness. But you need time and you need your family. You’ve come home which means that you’re on the right track already.”  

[Regal Renegade]

Her father’s words seemed so hollow at first and it was as if they were meaningless in the face of the many problems plaguing her. Getting her children to forgive her felt like an insurmountable obstacle. She had been so terrible to them. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t shown them affection or told them she loved them whenever she got the chance; it was more so that she had confused them and left them alone with that confusion while she went on a wild goose chase. She had not put them first and each of them had felt that keenly.

Amelia always looked at her with pity and tried to avoid her, blaming herself for the absence of her father and the heartbreak of her mother while Gareth simply seethed at her. The others were less obvious about their feelings but she could still tell that they were hurting and that it was as a result of her actions. She needed to do better and that was exactly what her father was trying to tell her in his loving way. She needed to let go of the past so as to ensure a better future for the family that she had left.

Nightmare was gone. A love that she would always remember but never have, and she did not deserve Gio for, while she cared about him, he deserved to be loved. It was time to let go and to focus on her children. To mend the bonds that had been strained and, in some cases, nearly broken. She didn’t know if love would ever find her again but that needed to be the last thing on her mind.

“I’m home.” She repeated softly, a small smile of her own forming on her maw even though it felt forced. “I will do better.”

Tucking her head beneath her father’s wing she closed her eyes and began to drift off to the quiet rhythm of his breathing and the scent of vanilla.  

[Regal Renegade]

Alexiel watched her for a long time after she had fallen asleep at his side. She looked less broken than she had when he’d first spied her coming toward him but he knew there was still a long way to go. Some days would be better than others and some days she would feel like giving up entirely. He wouldn’t let her of course, they were a family of fighters after all. He would guide her however he could and cushion what blows may come to the best of his abilities. That was a father’s duty after all.

“You’re home.” He whispered quietly. “Rest now dear one.”