My Poem/Song In Dire Need of Critiquers

[switchfootfan5]

I tried out for the team,
And then took the SAT.
I spent all of my time practicing the sport,
I made the team but it wasn't worth it to me.
Now I can play like a pro,
And every day scrimmage,
For the next year or so,
But I know I'll never get into a good college.



I don't wanna live,
I don't wanna die.
I don't wanna lift my wings,
But I really wanna touch the sky.
And that just goes to show,
Throughout all that I know,
You can't do it all,
You're only human,
After all.

Now I know we aren't Gods,
And we can't change fate,
But we can choose our own road,
What we do and who we date.
You can go for the goal,
Or get a PHD,
But follow your soul,
And you'll end up happy.  

[switchfootfan5]

By the way, this is meant to be a song, not a poem, but I can't have a tune when I'm posting. I just thought you'd like to know that.  

[chrystalclear]

Unless you have really rhythmic timing, then a lot of the lines look pretty awkward. But the third and fourth lines in the first stanza just seem to stick out, no matter what timing you do.

"PHD" and "happy" throw me off. sweatdrop I don't know why.  

[Moth Wrangler]

><;;
No comment.

 

[Keren]

switchfootfan5

By the way, this is meant to be a song, not a poem, but I can't have a tune when I'm posting. I just thought you'd like to know that.

You know, when I started reading it, I actually read it like a song. That's awesome. domokun