Lilith's Children

[Pup in Fluff]

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[Pup in Fluff]

And gaia's not reading the indenting...sorry!  

[hapahaole]

Wow! It's definately caught my interest! I'm really curious what happens next. I would suggest you do a read through. There's a few gramar errors that I'm sure you can find on your own. Like 'to' should be 'too'. One thing I think you should clarify is what is Liza's age? I was wondering that from the very begining. Also, Nana seemed to act a bit younger than she is. Or maybe I'm just not as familiar with that age group. Or perhaps they're just more like that when they're the youngest? At any rate, I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more!  

[Pup in Fluff]

hapahaole

Wow! It's definately caught my interest! I'm really curious what happens next. I would suggest you do a read through. There's a few gramar errors that I'm sure you can find on your own. Like 'to' should be 'too'. One thing I think you should clarify is what is Liza's age? I was wondering that from the very begining. Also, Nana seemed to act a bit younger than she is. Or maybe I'm just not as familiar with that age group. Or perhaps they're just more like that when they're the youngest? At any rate, I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more!

Liza is sixteen. It says that Elizabeth got the diary for her 16th birthday and Liza was wondering about the similar age.

Nana is thirteen. When we originally wrote it, Nana was 6. Now I guess she's a prep. My cousin is 16 and has a princess room. (she just made it last year too) and about the fairy princess thing...maybe Nana's on drugs or something. xd Ask Oni about that one.  

[hapahaole]

Pup in Fluff

Liza is sixteen. It says that Elizabeth got the diary for her 16th birthday and Liza was wondering about the similar age.

Nana is thirteen. When we originally wrote it, Nana was 6. Now I guess she's a prep. My cousin is 16 and has a princess room. (she just made it last year too) and about the fairy princess thing...maybe Nana's on drugs or something. xd Ask Oni about that one.

Oooh, yeah, and it says last year she was in ninth grade. I need to pay better attention.

Yes, Nana sounds more 6 than 13. 8 or 9 might even work as well. 13 is just a bit too old, and the sister relationship is a lot different at 3 years apart than at 6 years apart. Their relationship sounds like she's a lot younger. Their relationship the way it's written now sounds like my relationship to my younger sister who is 12 years younger than me. It is more like that relationship than the one I have with my sister who is 4 years younger than me. It may have to do with their ages as well though. The older of my younger sisters is 16 and the younger is 9. 9 is the oldest I would suggest you make Nana. Either that or rewrite it cutting out the part where she seems dependent on Liza.  

[Fujin Oni]

We we're thinking about moving her age to 8 or 9 originally actually but we we're thinking about some things that are going to be happening later in the book as well in the sequel. It's necessary for Nana to be 13. She should be around 15 at the oldest at the end of the sequel. If you buy the book when we finish and publish it you'll see. I can't tell cause its a suprise. But the confusion with the age will make sense once we've got everything out.

 

[calviness]

Pup in Fluff

And gaia's not reading the indenting...sorry!

try double spacing between paragraphs instead. Gaia can read that.. and it will help a bit with the read. I like it so far though!