Parents and Wicca

[Aleria Carventus]

Well...looking around the guild I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who has a problem with their parents accepting that they are wiccan...or even telling them. So I was wondering how many people have this problem? and if you told them then what was their reaction?  

[PhoenixMoonStar]

I had actually listed it as a topic for someone or several someones to handle as a class in the Academy.. or I can when I finally get moved and finish up the others I have on hold.

Coming out of the broom closet isn't always easy.. especially to parents and especially to parents who are christian.

My personal experience... my father, who was raised Lutherian... accepted it a little better than my mother, who is Catholic. Of course, my father was told by his pastor he was going to burn in hell for marrying a Catholic when he and my mom got married. I suppose that's enough to make someone take a good hard look at any religion and think twice about their rules. My mother though... has been a devoted Catholic her whole life and cannot seperate the teachings of her church from what she knows of me.

In other words.. my mother knows the kind of person I am... that I'm so far from the "stereotype" that she should be able to understand something isn't right there... and yet, she cannot wrap her head around it.

I've tried several times to talk to her about what I believe.. to explain things.. and she just tells me she doesn't want to know. I finally gave up, and we just don't mention it.

My father and I talked once, back when I made the choice to stop being christian. He asked me why... I told him.. I explained how it's just hard for me to imagine God is just a man... when there are so many women in the world.. and someone up there has got to understand "women's problems" because we both know men would rather not hear about it.

He seemed to understand that.. and I've never had a problem with it since.

Some parents fly off the broom handle (forgive the pun) when their kids tell them, mostly because parents always blame themselves for things in their kids lives. You might not understand it... I didn't for the longest time. Most parents want nothing more in the world than for their children to grow up, be happy and healthy, and have a better life than they did. This means that they want to protect their kids from anything harmful and hurtful. At some point, the realize, they have to let go of the sterring wheel, and let the kid drive.. but it scares them... not because they don't have faith in you... because they don't trust the world, and they worry they didn't do a good enough job preparing you for it.

So when something happens to a kid... parents, on some level, blame themselves. Even the most open-minded and accepting parents I know, have a moment of pause and worry when things translate to their own children.

For example... let's say there's Sally... and Sally brings two of her friends home one day to meet her mom. Andy and Trisha... and they are both gay. Now, Sally's Mom is open-minded and accepting, and her reaction is "That's nice dear... good for them." Two weeks later, Sally tells her mom she's Bi. Her mom.. has a moment where she thinks to herself "What did I do wrong?"

Why? Because parents... most parents, that is... hold themselves accountable for the way their kids turn out. Even those who understand... have a moment of doubt. Maybe if they hadn't been as accepting of the gay life, their kid would have been straight instead. I've seen it. Moments like these usually pass.

But when it comes to religion, a lot of parents just assume their kids will be the same religion they are. If a parent is very religious, they expect it. When children instead branch out to something different, they wonder where they failed in raising them 'correctly'. Most religions, even the christian religions... have issues with all the others. Baptists against Catholics, Catholics against Prodestants... Lutherians against... well, you get the picture.

You would think that being a "christian" would be good enough, but there are a lot of hostilities even among those of the same faith. Ireland is a good example of Catholic verse Prodastant. And then there's that thing which happened to my father. If this is how they feel about someone jumping ship from one christian religion to another, imagine what happens when someone goes Buddhist...

Add in the centuries of church teachings against "witchcraft" and "magick"... and well, you get a pretty nasty picture.


Now, parents whould be smart enough to look at their kid and go "well, she's not trying to BBQ the cat, and she's not requesting I buy her pig's blood... she seems happy and sweet and really sure of herself... Maybe this religious thing isn't so bad"... but instead their mind is probably going "cult.. cult.. Waco.. Jamestown... Get her out now..."

And even if they do understand the religion, they are still left with the questions of "what did I do wrong that she didn't like my religion."


Then... you have to be careful of another thing.. some kids (and I've seen this too) get preachy at their parents... and try to convince them that their religious choice is the only correct one because.... and in th end, it comes off to the parents like the kids are trying to say "You've spent your life devoted to this religion, and you were such the idiot. Watch me mock you."

This is never good, for obvious reasons... No one likes to hear theat the path they follow, which makes sense to them and makes them feel better, which makes them feel whole.. is incorrect and they are fools for following it.

And sometimes... because of the fact parents internalise things... when a child branches off to something different and I mean.. different.. the parent instantly feels like nothing they did was good enough for the kid, that the kid is flipping them off, and they feel like they failed. Some have a hard time feeling like they fail, so they get angry and agressive, and try to force the kid to change back to the 'correct' choice so that they can feel they are still right, and didn't fail. (I personally think this explains a lot of anger and hostility parents sometimes show toward kids who come out as homosexual... )

Anyways.. I don't know if my ramblings help any. I might have just made things more confusing.

When I've had more sleep I'll work on some suggestions for coming out of the broom closet... nite all!  

[Kitanya_Rose]

*points above* That's what happnes when a part Irish lass stays out in the sun a wee bit too long.

*shrugs* My folks never gave me too much issue about it. I think they decided to pick and choose their battles with me. Besides... they knew that I was going to do what I wanted, no matter what they said...

Of course I told them "This is who I am.. this is what I believe. If you don't like it, you're the one with the problem, not me. Deal with it or get over it. But be adult about it."  

[Yakkai_The_Inu]

..I honestly don't know if I ever will.

Especially not my dad EVER. He's a bible believing christian, and my dad tends to think right away, exactly what the religion tells him to think.

And I told him that that's silly, that he's got to have half a head of his own, you know?

I don't even know if my mom would care. when I do wierd things now, she doesn't even care anymore, because she knows she can't fix it. Or...she accepts it? I doubt that.

My mom doesn't believe in god, so I don't know how that goes.

I dress goth/punk/wierd sometimes, and my dad hates it and he tried to make me stop, and I told him I NEVER would, and he's like "You're doing this JUST to make me mad." But I yelled at him at told him I was doing it because it's who I was, and my sense of Individuality. My mom didn't like it at first, but now she doesn't care. She offers to buy me clothes, even.

Well, Whatever. I know I should but.. I don't know.  

[Aya Azura]

Honestly, I live with my mom who is an uber-Catholic, to put it lightly. Well, the first time I peeked out the broom closet, I had found a mentor who worked at my library, and so then I asked my mom if I could get taught. Uh...well the nub and the gist of it was that I was a Satanic follower, and I couldn't do that Satanic stuff in her house. Back into the closet for me. Sadly enough, I got found and pulled outta the closet, when she found one of my books. Yikes. She said next time I let her find a book, or next time she found one, she was gonna fight me. I'm only 15, and not looking to die anytime soon, so...i changed my hiding places. It's not as hard as I thought it would be though, it's just study in silence and keep the secresy. Annoying, but not so bad. domokun  

[vesta_vesves_star]

PhoenixMoonStar

My father and I talked once, back when I made the choice to stop being christian. He asked me why... I told him.. I explained how it's just hard for me to imagine God is just a man... when there are so many women in the world.. and someone up there has got to understand "women's problems" because we both know men would rather not hear about it.

about the just being a man bit I was raised prespiterian and whene ever I was in sunday school I had a tendency to say "or she" after they would say he. I was like a 3ft tall womans rights activist sweatdrop
although I haven't told either of my parents ((especialy my dad)) I have a feeling my mom knows.  

[Deadly Nyghtshade]

Me...my parents know, I like it and the 'weird' objects and books make me happy, but they don't know I made it my religon.  

[Autodidactic]

I was really lucky to be born into a very open family. Even though my mother and father divorced when I was little, i still have alot of contact with my dad and he has been wiccan for a very long time. So even i told my mom about my concious decision to follow wicca she already knew the basics and was open to it.

I think the best way to handle disapproving parents is just to be honest. Let them know that you aren't converting to spite them or to rebel, that it is a lifestyle change that you believe to be a good one.

Bottom line? Be mature about it. And don't sneak around behind their back.  

[antihippiesoldier]

umm well since ive kinda been doing alchemy since whenever and have been getting away with it i could, COULD convert and bea wiccan. but sadly im not very religious. so at the current time im sorta usin "the wiccan way" as a guidline. but im not practicing the religion. i mainly came here because i was interested and wanted to get to know some ppl actualy serious about magick and alchemy  

[Launa_Alura]

the only time i had a problem with it was when my grandparents first saw me wearing my penticle. they absolutly FREAKED. the bad part was that i was staying with them for an entire week. i'd never had any problem with people accepting my religion before because it's my stepmom's too. so it was a bit of a shock. anyways, i talked with my grandpa and the next day i got as much of an appology as Poppy ever gives, so, even though it still hurts and it really sucks that they don't like it. i think they are either accepting it, or ignoring it.  

[RainbowKitty]

i have told my parents but they dont want to listen so they just chose to still beleave that i am going to give it up even though i have been open about being wican for two years and dont show any sign of giving it up its who i am and if they dont like it thats there problem i am always going to be wican  

[VampireKikyo]

I'm hiding it because my family is completely chirstian and don't like anything to do with Wicca...so if they found out I was a Wiccan they would probably disown me and kick me me out.  

[xXSadisticevil_lilVampyXx]

I haven't told anyone except a few of my friends. My mom would flip her lid....I wasn't even allowed to watch "Bewitched" last summer becuase of the concept. Most of my friends are Christians who I see twice a week at church.....other than them my friends know...and my grandma know that I can sense things that most people can't. I want to tell my parents but I'm afriad they'll tell me to go live where I can't "corrupt" my siblings...it wouldn't be the 1st time I got threatened by that. I didn't know that anyone else couldn't tell their parents. I hate it but if I told them there would just be too many reprcussions. I don't know what I should do.....if you've been in my situation before PM me and tell me how you got everything in the light and quit hiding this please.  

[[.Darkness.Falls.]]

I have told my sister [who is wiccan anyway] and one of my best friends [who practices magick with me].
I wouldn't dare tell my parents.
Even thought they're stereotypical, because they have always made me go to church/sunday school, and they have brought me up a christian, but they do not go to church [my mum goes once or twice a year and my dad has never been to church].
So, I don't know whats stopping me from telling them.  

[anastazia eckhart]

my sister and i both are wiccan. my mother accepts us for who we are....but the rest of my family is completly against the fact that we are wiccan.

the rest of the family doesnt even bother to talk to me.