Sweet Suite (dark poem).

[[shazz]]

My biggest flaw is punctuation, but any kind of critique would be appreciated. <3

Flowers
Pop, dribble, run
Down white walls
Roses
Bloom, seep, stain
Across the floor
A fresh, fragrant coat upon his hands,
A delighted curl to his lips
He runs his hands under the cool water,
Watching the red swirl and taint

“Ahh.. beautiful Angela”
He trails his fingers across her cheek
Splitting black tears
Her gaze lay transfixed on him-
A piercing stare

The dizzying odor quenches a thirst in him.
He feels giddy
“How about a drink?
Would you mind?”
…
No reply

“Alright then.”
Pours himself a glass
Nibbles a sip-
Still warm…
But cheap,
Like plastic.
Common
…Trash

He slips a $100 note into her leather bodice
And heads out for a real-
Glass of wine
Something exotic and spicy this time
And leaves her there,
In the shadows

…Hanging on a rusting hook  

[Dead Twisted Romance]

OH! THE IMAGE! Wonderfully Macabre! Bravo! cheese_whine Wine anyone?  

[tetrasmaster]

Wow, I thought that was really beautiful with really great imagery!  

[farfromsight06]

Wow. Is all I can say. Its good though. smile  

[[shazz]]

Thanks mrgreen

But any suggestions?  

[Kristoya]

Fantastic. But the quoting kind of threw me off. I don't know if it's just me, but I'd rather not see direct dialogue in any poem.  

[Obsene Acid Fruit Loop]

ah! a enjoyabley macabre poem indeed! very delighted to read such i delishesly sinster poem!  

[McRabbit]

That just gave me an image I do not need to see. whee

But in other words, freaky but good. 3nodding

]  

[Missy Wyvern]

I like the very first verse and the fourth verse of the poem. They had a nice flow to them. I don't think the rest of the poem had such a nice flow to it, though. I think you should follow the same rhythm as these verses, and it would be like silk.  

[Lust over Love]

Extemely beautiful. You are a fine poet; please make more!