|
|
Needs work? |
Yes |
|
58% |
[ 7 ] |
No |
|
41% |
[ 5 ] |
|
Total Votes : 12 |
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:52 pm
|
|
|
|
My biggest flaw is punctuation, but any kind of critique would be appreciated. <3
Flowers Pop, dribble, run Down white walls Roses Bloom, seep, stain Across the floor A fresh, fragrant coat upon his hands, A delighted curl to his lips He runs his hands under the cool water, Watching the red swirl and taint
“Ahh.. beautiful Angela” He trails his fingers across her cheek Splitting black tears Her gaze lay transfixed on him- A piercing stare
The dizzying odor quenches a thirst in him. He feels giddy “How about a drink? Would you mind?” … No reply
“Alright then.” Pours himself a glass Nibbles a sip- Still warm… But cheap, Like plastic. Common …Trash
He slips a $100 note into her leather bodice And heads out for a real- Glass of wine Something exotic and spicy this time And leaves her there, In the shadows
…Hanging on a rusting hook
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:11 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:15 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:55 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:39 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:06 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:02 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:47 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:37 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|