XXX JOKES

[BigJammer]

WARNING IF YOU GET OFEENDED DONT READ ANY FARTHER
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
I know there's worst ones out there but... that's why you're posting right?  

[BigJammer]

This man wanted to go out with his friends, but his wife wouldn't let him. So his friends tell him "just come with us and when you get home, just give your wife oral sex" So he agrees and they leave to a bar. When he gets home at night a lil drunk. He sees his wife on the bed, so he gets under the covers, pulls down her panties and does his thing. While she was moaning and stuff he realizes he has to go use the restroom. So he says "hey I gotta go pee I'll be right back". He runs to the bathroom and finds his wife sitting on the toilet. "Hey how did you get here so fast!!!" and she says "SHHHH you'll wake up my mother"  

[BigJammer]

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch..


Again, could be stupid funny...  

[BigJammer]

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your d*ck' cards?"  

[Rea Bugs]

Nasty Jokes -smirks lightly-
I guess I'll post some as well.

 

[Rea Bugs]

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her f***ing husband!"

Laaaame rofl

 

[Rea Bugs]

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

 

[haloshatterer]

BigJammer

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch..


Again, could be stupid funny...

that's an old one...but they are all good rofl  

[BigJammer]

Rea_bugs

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

rofl  

[MananaMisha]

lmao, i dont know too many..and i think they're really corny...so I'm not gonn abother posting them ><  

[Phoenixliv]

BigJammer

Rea_bugs

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

rofl

rofl I know huh!!  

[Phoenixliv]

OK this one's fairly long but it's a good'un so bear with me.

This man was really bored so he went to the pet store to get a pet to keep him amused. As he's looking around the store someone behind him says," psst hey buddy"
He whips around only to find no one there and a leggless parrot sitting on a perch. "hello?" he says and the bird replies
"yeah, hey I bet if you wanted to buy me you could get a sweet discount if you mention my lack of legs."
"Well sweet, he's a talking bird" thinks the man as he grabs up the parrot. "that's a great idea!"
So the man is really enjoying his friendship with this bird. They talk long into the night after the man's wife has gone off to bed every night. One night they're setting down for a chat maybe 2 weeks in and the bird mentions the wife having a visitor.
"she wasn't really dressed man, just a skimpy nightie. She answered the door and let the mailman in."
The man can't believe it. "what?! Well what happened next?"
"Well she starts gettin all fresh and rubbing him all over same as he's doing back. They're makin out you know."
The man says"Well what happened next? She didn't actually ..."
The bird looks at him shakes his head and says, "Sorry dude, I don't know what happened next; My d**k got hard and I fell off my perch."  

[Phoenixliv]

Here's a nice short one:

Dude: "Did you ever blow Bubbles when you were young?"
Girly: "Yeah, so."
Dude: "Well, he's back in town and lookin for ya!"  

[BigJammer]

Phoenixliv

OK this one's fairly long but it's a good'un so bear with me.

This man was really bored so he went to the pet store to get a pet to keep him amused. As he's looking around the store someone behind him says," psst hey buddy"
He whips around only to find no one there and a leggless parrot sitting on a perch. "hello?" he says and the bird replies
"yeah, hey I bet if you wanted to buy me you could get a sweet discount if you mention my lack of legs."
"Well sweet, he's a talking bird" thinks the man as he grabs up the parrot. "that's a great idea!"
So the man is really enjoying his friendship with this bird. They talk long into the night after the man's wife has gone off to bed every night. One night they're setting down for a chat maybe 2 weeks in and the bird mentions the wife having a visitor.
"she wasn't really dressed man, just a skimpy nightie. She answered the door and let the mailman in."
The man can't believe it. "what?! Well what happened next?"
"Well she starts gettin all fresh and rubbing him all over same as he's doing back. They're makin out you know."
The man says"Well what happened next? She didn't actually ..."
The bird looks at him shakes his head and says, "Sorry dude, I don't know what happened next; My d**k got hard and I fell off my perch."

Omg rofl rofl rofl  

[[.NikNik.Chan.]]

One Night A Criminal Escaped From Prison. He Ran To A House And Broke In. A Man And Lady Lived There. The Man Broke In While They Were Getting Ready For Bed. He Heard Them Upstairs And Creeped Up.

Suddenly, He Grabbed The Lady And Tied Her To A Chair In The Bedroom. He Was Whispering In Her Ear When The Husband Came In From The Bathroom. The Husband Shouted At This Guy But The Guy Pushed Past Him And Went To The Bathroom. The Husband Asked Who The Man Was And What He Wanted. The Wife Replied " He Explained That He Had Escaped From Prison Earlier This Evening And Needed Some Cream. He Said He Wanted Sex From You. " The Prisoner Ran In And Tied The Man To The Bed. The Husband Shouted " Honey, I Think It's YOU He Will Have Sex With. Be Brave ! I Love You ! " Wife Said " Oh Darling He Also mentioned He Was Gay. So Be Brave. I Love You ! "