How Do you Commemorate The Dead?

[lurichan]

When loved ones have passed on what do you do? Is there a period of time that you spend in grief or mourning? Do you recite poetry or sing a sad dirge? Does anyone here celebrate life like the irish custom?

When someone who you know (or even someone you didn't know) dies what do you do to honor their memory? Do you talk and laugh about the good times with other friends and family, or do rivers of tears pour down your cheeks as sadness overwhelms? Or perhaps you have a bit more indifferent of an attitude towards the dead?

Does anyone attempt to contact the spirits of the dearly departed? Has anyone felt the presence of one their loved near by? At a funeral do you take one of the flowers offered to those who were close to the deceased? If so what do you do with that flower?

This thread is for the discussion of how people honor the lives of those who have passed before them, and perhaps ways of coping with death as well. Death occurs frequently in this world, but how do we honor the memory of those who have died? It always seems like a bit of an akward question to me. A lot of people stop by gravestones and memorials as time passes and the death begins to fade from the memory of those who were not close to somone, but sometimes when something is haralded as a great tragedy like the Oklahoma Bombing or the 9/11 towers a lot of people stop and try to say their goodbyes one more time.

Everyone has different views on how to keep the memory of the ones they cared about alive, and I wonder if anyone has specific special things they do for those who have passed on.  

[GilAskan]

"To the living you owe respect; to the dead, you only owe truth,"

~Voltaire (french philosopher, not goth-rock artist)

That largely explains my opinion. Not entirely, but essentially, if I don't like someone, I won't go to their funeral. One of my best friend's boyfriend died recently, and I didn't go to his funeral. Why? Because I thought he was an a*****e. Going to his funeral and pretending to mourn would be far more disrespectful than not going at all.  

[Isobel Bellamy]

A dear friend of mine passed a few years ago, to commemorate him, his friends all celebrate his life instead of mourning his death. He brought too much happiness and love to people for us to mope around about him, and I do think that it would tarnish his memory.

So, to honour his memory we all get stonkingly drunk (seeing as that's how he spent most of his time with us rolleyes ).

Three people also got a memorial tattoo to remember him by, his brother and his two best friends (I got left out because I wasn't 18, damn), but there was an interesting debate about whether they should have had it done. Some thought that if you needed to have a tattoo to remember him by then you "weren't really his friend" (a bit hard on his brother I think...). But there was also great approval, (and general male bravado on braving the pain), because they just "seemed right". Not to mention they kicked a**, I'm getting one when I have money now I'm legal because I'm of the opinion memorial tattoos are a great way to pay tribute to those we love.  

[xdemonicallyxyours13x]

i got a tattoo with my little sisters name in latin when she passed away...  

[dark and demented]

The only person close enough to me for me to mourn them when they died was my grandmother. I admit, I was only in 6th grade at the time and to me it was the end of the world because she was the only one who really understood me and when she died I was really unstable.

I believe that death is just the beginning to a new journey but I guess you could kind of call me a hypocrite when it comes to the death of my grandma. I loved her to death and I was mourning for a while and I still am. I can't talk about her death without crying. It's one of the most painful memories I have.

But, I know that I can't dwell to much on the fact that she's gone, because thats just me being selfish. She deserved to be able to leave the shell in which her soul, spirite and entire life force was contained and return to the child a heart she truely was.

As often as I can I go to the cemetary and go to my grandmothers grave and bring her a single red rose. Only one, to signify my undying love and memory of her and I usually spend hours there writing, sketching or singing softly to myself. Whenever I do think of her though, I try not to think of her death, but what she was before. The beautiful person she had been before the grasp of death toke her.

As to the, have I felt the presense of a loved one near by? Yes, I do believe that I have. I think everyone can say that they've walked into a room and gottne just that vibe and aura put out in the room.

But one of the down parts of all of this is that since she died 8 or so days after my birthday every May and June I get very depressed and usually cry the most then.

 

[-Resurrected Writer-]

I have deep respect for the dead, regardless the person. If someone I know passes away, no matter what pain they've inflicted upon me, I'll attend their funeral and pay my respects for their journey into either eternal damnation or everlasting paradise (though, that's only if I know they passed away in the first place).  

[KoRnfucius]

This is an interesting thread. My grandmother's actually on her deathbed right now, in the hospital. She has cancer. I've been visiting her constantly with the family over the last few days. I'm not too sad about it, we weren't terribly close, although she does mean a lot to me.

How do I commemorate the dead? Hm..I think about the loved ones that have passed quite frequently. I don't feel sad, but I remember the good times. I visit my great-grandmother's grave every so often, (not enough, really) but I guess I don't do anything really out-of-the-way. I like to go by myself burning a single candle at times like this, to represent the flame of their life or whatever. Usually after the wake's passed, and the extended family goes back home, I just go back to normal, but the memory of the person of course never leaves my mind.  

[Keshi_Hikaru]

Um..my grandmother passed and she was greatly loved~

My friends mom passed and she was greatly loved~

My Aunt died and she was greatly loved~

but i cryed, because i loved them all, and something i started awhile ago was dedicating my scetchbooks to each individual that i loved who passed. And visiting their sites each year to leave a flower. cry smile  

[Spooky Ames]

When my mother died, I went to her funeral, and mourned for her, and still do. I wrote poetry, visited her grave, and prayed that she was in a better place.  

[Macabre_Cogitation]

Well, in all honesty, I've had a few family members die around me....and I mean, I loved them as family, I never even mourned their loss, let alone miss them.


To me, death is part of life and will always be that way. (I am a firm believer that immortality would be horrible to experiece).

So, I don't dwell on it much at all.
I love the aspect of death, and don't fear it, but there isn't many people who I would mourn the loss of (less than 10 people).

So, I just silently wish them luck in wherever it is that the dead go, and move on.  

[Dorian Requiem]

I see death pretty much the same way as Macabre does. Though, I can only think of one person who I would actually mourn.

I'm respectful to those deceased, but thats about as much normal that is involved in anything I might do. I want an Irish funeral, and I honestly would (if anything, which is unlikely) party after a funeral to celebrate the good things, not dwell on the bad.

However, most of the time, I'd attend it, pay my respects, on more then one occasion probably, and leave it at that. Save for one.  

[slipknot_him_slut]

i've had a lot of people i'm close to die and i mourn them for a little amount of time ....but i don't go all out like the irish and all that i have a very german family so we do things diff....but i'm getting a tattoo to honor my little sisters that died and i drew it myself and all that and then i'm getting one for my grandma...but that's the way i do things ...but when someone i love dies like right after i find out i sit in my happy cornor in my room blasting slipknot and thinking about em then i feel better....i used to just draw and all that to let it all out and think about them but now that i'm of age i draw a tattoo that i'm gonna get that has to do with em  

[JustAnotherNancyBoy-x]

when a loved one of mine dies i 'summon' them to make sure they are ok and happy but thats just me as everyone has their own way of dealing with grief.  

[Perestroyka]

When I lose someone I talk to them; everyday. I lost a dear friend Matthew almost a year ago now and I still do. I feel close to him still, and feel him with me. He talks to me still, looks after me.
I celebrate those people were lent to us before the gods saw fit to take them back. Yes, I miss them, but what is my pain compared to theirs at seeing ours and feeling their own? To move amongst us and be seen only by a gifted few?

I live my life as I always would. I try not to fall apart simply becuase I want them to be proud of me when they see me, not look upon a broken wreck. That's not how they knew me in life and not how I want them to know me for the rest of eternity.  

[2aetH]

My grandpa died little over a month ago. I knew he was dying about a month before he actually did. I found out that he was actually going to die 3 days before, and I cried my heart and soul out.
When he actually died, I had already cried everything out that I could. I was actually rather angry, not at him, but at the doctors. We found out that he was mistreated at the hospital he spent half his stay in before being transferred to the VA.
I was also angry at my extended family: my aunts and uncles, and cousins. One aunt of mine, not even a blood relative, but an in-law, made a very...religious deal out of it. My grandpa was not a very religious person. I felt that she gave God too much credit. If my grandpa was going to heaven, or whatever personal paradise he had, it sure as ******** wasn't going to be because he redeemed himself. He was a good person his whole life, he didn't need to pray and confess. I mean, to each their own...but the way she tried to impose that upon not only my mourning grandma, but the rest of my mom's side of the family....that just pissed me off.
We didn't have a funeral for him because he donated his body to science for research. That gathering was kind of a wake and a funeral for us. It was our final tribute to him. I personally believe in reincarnation, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's feeling better than he did these past years he lived in suffering.
The one thing that makes me cry, though, is that he never stopped saying he was sorry for not getting to see me graduate, no matter how many times I reassured him it was okay.
Other than him, I've only had my great-grandma die, who I never got to know that well, and my dog, who I bawled over for weeks.