The Rain- A Personal Piece

[crazeebeautiful]

We should all know what Sara does when she's bored. She writes...mostly short stories.

Sara also likes refering to herself in the third person.

At camp, I wrote a piece called The Rain. It was kind of random- I just started writing it randomly. Is it my best work? No. But I'm putting it up here anyway, because I like my random little drabbles. They have sentimental value to me.

The Rain

The rain helps me sleep. The pitter patter of raindrops and their slapping on the pavement creates something better than any mass-produced soundsoother that you can buy for forty dollars at Walmart. Something special, something real.

I've always loved the rain. I still do. I've always pretended to hate it, hate the way it frizzed my hair and made me frustrated, but secretly, I craved it.

I once read that rain is supposed to purge sins. And I can admit that I'm not perfect. I blame things on my little brother. I forget important things...a lot. I'm not always so nice to my neighbor. I forget to go to church. I'm constantly jay-walking. But the rain helps me forget.

But somedays, it's depressing. When I'm upset or sad, the droplets seem like tears. Tears that I desperately want to spill.

The rain makes me forget him. Help me get over him. As the rain falls down on me, a layer of the obsession is washed away.

It helps me let go. Let go of his memory and let me live again.

I'm waiting.  

[Delbeam2]

I really liked the emotion you showed through the poem. Like telling people how you really feel inside. I especially loved the lines
"I've always pretended to hate it, hate the way it frizzed my hair and made me frustrated, but secretly, I craved it."

I thought maybe you should explain the "I'm waiting" part. Or leave it off like it is. It is a good ender, because it makes you think. Well, what is she waiting for exactly? Another rain? To not feel for him anymore?

That's what I thought of when reading it.
<3 Rainbow  

[crazeebeautiful]

RainbowXDeluge

I really liked the emotion you showed through the poem. Like telling people how you really feel inside. I especially loved the lines
"I've always pretended to hate it, hate the way it frizzed my hair and made me frustrated, but secretly, I craved it."

I thought maybe you should explain the "I'm waiting" part. Or leave it off like it is. It is a good ender, because it makes you think. Well, what is she waiting for exactly? Another rain? To not feel for him anymore?

That's what I thought of when reading it.
<3 Rainbow

Thank you for your feedback...I really appreciate when people take the time to read my writing. Especially when it's my drabbles, which I write usually during school when I'm bored. I don't think they are great, but I'll find a line or two that I really like.

The line you selected- that's one of those lines. I'm glad someone else enjoyed it as well.

The "I'm waiting" part...I was trying to go for an open ending, so I probably won't change it, but you did make me think about it. Personally, I was going for "letting go of him". Because rain happens all the time, and fall out of love is harder.

But it rained today, and I'm almost over him. Life's good.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this.  

[hapahaole]

Generally when I post here I like to give constructive critisim. Fortunately for you, I seem to lack the knack in criticing poems. So I'll just tell you that I think it's great, cuz it is! I completely understood what the last line is about. I like how it feels open ended. It did feel a bit akward though, not sure why. Great imagry at the begining. Just looking at how the poems structured, it could be saying that the rain is not really washing it away, but covering it up so you don't see it. It's like, when I first start reading the poem the only subject I see is rain, but the further into the poem I get, ther further I see into you, and your true feelings show through. The things you want to be washed away is really just under the rain. Probably not what you were going for, but it's one interpretation. Another way to look at it is it's like a conversation with a friend. You start talking about something harmless like the rain. But casual becomes more and more personal as you talk of what you like about it and why. Soon you're bearing your heart to them. Anyway, just stuff to think about. I love the emotion of the poem. Very effective. I love it!  

[WildWildWindWhisperer]

The Rain:

Truly and deeply lovely.
The mix of life, and hope is amazing. ( Applause)

The end is perfection to it`s core.
It leaves the reader wandering and wondering in various directions. Wondering of; if the pain is washed away, if your still love the person in the poetic work, whether you feel youself is as you think other expect, and etc. So thought provoking.
You gripped me! Not easy to do. (Proclaimed with an intrigued raise eyebrow). Then at the end it somehow settles into the reader with a knowing that it`s life. It`s how we deal with pain, expectations, relationships, and our spiritual self/inner self.

Please, write more. 4laugh heart

Thank you, for sharing.

Sincerely.....
......................WildWildWindWhisperer wink  

[Pirate4Life45]

That is incredibly awesome! It's different, like nothing I've ever read, but it's really good. Awesome job! What gave you the inspiration to write that? It's completely amazing. Blew my mind clear out of the water.