Altar Calls At Funerals???

[Lila Malvae]

The last two funerals I've been to (my grandmother's and a cousin of mine) were mostly well-run, except for the annoying, rude, and distasteful altar calls made by the speakers. At my grandmother's visitation, right before her corpse, the minister basically announces that the only way to see her again is through Jebus and I found the fact that he even mentioned the notion of hell at such a sensitive time was so hurtful and mean that I had to storm out of the room, lest I yell at the man in front of everyone... I got a lot of flack from my family for calmly making the minister aware of the problem because even though I asked him to come into the other room with me, he refused and I had to tell him the problem with my grieving family in earshot.

The other time was today at a memorial service for my cousin who died of cancer... and the altar call was a lot less distasteful, but it took up most of the service, where I thought a memorial service was supposed to be orchestrated to remember the lost one.... instead of paying lip service to the church. I kept my cool (mostly because I have lots of cousins and I didn't know Carol particularly well), but I still felt violated, alienated, and outcast, even though the speaker did not know my circumstance.
My mother, who is Christian, even felt deeply offended by both altar calls...

I want to know what other people feel about this, maybe then I can get some advice about dealing with this very painful experience.  

[Starlock]

That was a bit tasteless, and I wonder what the modivations were of the person making such remarks. There are some Christians who will use any opportunity to prosetylize their religion, but I'm not sure this is what the minister was doing. At any rate, his remarks speak of religious exclusivism. Pluralism is becoming a bit more common now amongst religions which are typically "one-true-wayist" but there are still those who are holding on to exclusivist notions of "my path is the only right one." If they need to believe that for their own personal sanity, so be it, I suppose. It is a difficult thing to tolerate, though, since their intolerance inherently causes harm to others. confused  

[Naomi Tinuveil]

My fiances grandmother just died of cancer last weekend . . . and everything was well run, but the way they addressed somethings were a little annoying.

At the wake, specifically at the closing of the caskette one of the catholic priests comes in to say the closing prayers and what not. And he starts going off about how he prayed to her to give him the winning lottery tickets and what not ((which I thought was kind of, um, really really weird and unorthodox. I know he ment it as a joke, but I didn't laugh)) anyway, then he starts going on about Jesus, and how he is the only light into heavan. And in the middle of his ramble he through in

"and unlike the Pagans who are lost in their grief . . ." My eye twitched and I could feel my fiance's hand grasp a little more tightly onto my dress that it was before. I just felt that was extremely uncalled for . . . especially considering that a few members of the family are pagan. ((Though I will admit that the majority is catholic)) Anyway, his aunt and uncle came over to us after the prayer and we discussed how really rude that was and how his grandmother (the deceased one) would not have approved of such a saying.

::shakes head:: priests are silly xp  

[MaleficentSnape]

The funeral for my Tae Kwon Do instructor (he died in a car accident) was like that. It was a Baptist funeral and there was an altar call at the end of the eulogy, which I found very distasteful and rude. I certanly respect many Christians' desire to call others to their faith, but a funeral is not the time to do that.

Not cool. Not cool at all.  

[MsAmberly]

LilaMalvae

The last two funerals I've been to (my grandmother's and a cousin of mine) were mostly well-run, except for the annoying, rude, and distasteful altar calls made by the speakers. At my grandmother's visitation, right before her corpse, the minister basically announces that the only way to see her again is through Jebus and I found the fact that he even mentioned the notion of hell at such a sensitive time was so hurtful and mean that I had to storm out of the room, lest I yell at the man in front of everyone... I got a lot of flack from my family for calmly making the minister aware of the problem because even though I asked him to come into the other room with me, he refused and I had to tell him the problem with my grieving family in earshot.

The other time was today at a memorial service for my cousin who died of cancer... and the altar call was a lot less distasteful, but it took up most of the service, where I thought a memorial service was supposed to be orchestrated to remember the lost one.... instead of paying lip service to the church. I kept my cool (mostly because I have lots of cousins and I didn't know Carol particularly well), but I still felt violated, alienated, and outcast, even though the speaker did not know my circumstance.
My mother, who is Christian, even felt deeply offended by both altar calls...

I want to know what other people feel about this, maybe then I can get some advice about dealing with this very painful experience.

I'd like to know if it's possible for you to speak to the speaker before a funeral and ask that they refrain from the alter call if at all possible. It might also be that it was agreed upon by whoever was in charge of setting up the service or a requrement imposed by the church if they wanted a church service at all.

I think I've resigned myself to a creamation and wake, no church service, for those reasons.  

[The Bookwyrm]

If I have a wake at all, it's going to be a good ol' fashioned Irish one; I don't want an empty glass in the house (check out the song "Paddy Murphy", and that's exactly how I want my funeral and wake. Including forgetting the corpse at a bar)!

In all my 23 years, I can say I've honestly never attended a funeral. I've been kept away from them, in all honesty, so I wasn't even aware that there were altar calls. How very odd...

It makes some sense, though, to play Devil's Advocate; after the death of a loved one, everyone is a little more focused on the here-after for a little while; it's a time of uncertainty and vulnerability. I know my grandmother is far more adament about church and her rosary after a death in the family, and I suspect it's the same for many others out there. And, at a Christian service it makes sense that the officiant would go on a "Praise Jesus, for he shall throw open the gates of heaven unto us" spiel; makes some people better and sometimes draws a few fence sitters back into the fold. I believe that it can be done well, but none of the examples above were. Especially the pot shot at Pagans (or any other religious faith mentioned by name). That doesn't help a family through their grief. That isn't a community coming together to support those in need. That's biggotry, and absolutely intolerable. I think I'd have refused to pay for the service had a preacher openly insulted members of my family like that, but that's just me.

I'm fairly certain that the people organizing a service do have the oppertunity to talk with the officiant before hand, to discuss how they would like it to go; my family always has, any way. It might be an idea to bring up before hand the desire to not have an altar call, or to lay down some ground rules for one before the service; after all, you are paying for it.

That's what's always gotten me, though. Why in the bloody hell should anyone have to pay for sacriments within the church? I didn't have to pay for my first Euchrist, first confession or confrimation and I certainly will never have to pay to be annointed while I'm dieing, but my family did have to pay for my baptism, and I'll have to pay for wedding or funeral rites! It's honestly a monopoly on the most popular rites!