Dating

[Jezehbelle]

I really couldn't think of a great title for this.

This is a weird subject, I think.

Love spells attract so many people to witchcraft. In high school, when people found out I was a witch (either by rumor or by actually knowing me as a non-goat-throat-cutter), they'd want me to cast a spell so so-and-so would fall in love with them or so they could get so-and-so back. In high school, it would happen every couple weeks to a month. Since I've gotten out of high school, it's only been asked of me once.

"Homie don't play that game" followed by an explanation of why and a discussion of the implications of love and why they want that person so much and if they're really ready for something like that. They generally decide they're not ready for something like that.

Then there's the wishing for a person I've not met yet and just a weekend or one night encounter.

So forth and such what.

Then there's dating. Relationships. And religion.

People like to be with each other, especially if they have things in common. They like it on a large scale (churches, gatherings) and a small scale (small circle of friends, significant others).

To some people, they don't take religious affiliation into consideration.
For others, it's must have qualities, because of their faith.

I’ve seen some good to great couples of different faiths. My best friend is Wiccan and her girlfriend/fiancé is either agnostic or atheist (I can’t remember which). My Grandparents, who I was closest too, were Christian and “not Christian” for forty years up until my Grandpa was converted in the early 80s, when my Grandma was first diagnosed with cancer. (I still don’t know what he was before then…)

But then, on the flip side I’ve seen (and had) some very bad relationships over religious differences. Like me and my ex-boyfriend, who was an Agnostic-Levain-Satanist. I, being very spiritual, and he, being not spiritual at all and thinking anything spiritual was dumb, led to some conflicts, occasionally. sweatdrop Then the southern Baptist ex of mine who convinced me to get baptized and that everything I enjoyed was wrong. gonk Both of them occasionally picked on me for being pagan, by tossing out Fern Gully and Pocahontas quotes, the Baptist more than the Agnostic. However, they’ve both asked for me to either do a spell for them or hinted at me working some magic so they can get this girl that they fell-in-love-with-6-years-ago-and
-haven’t-talked-to-since-because-the-girl-hates-them back.

>_o I've never had the chance to date anyone of the same/similar faith before, so I can't say it'd be much better, but it would in theory, because it's been such a source of conflict for the other person to create conflict with me.
I just want a guy I can show this waterfall to, who will enjoy it like I do, or just enjoy it, without complaining that they'd rather be somewhere else. Who'll share my strong disliking of the local deforestation around here and won't say "Can't you feel it's pain" to mock me to his friends.
It's not so much to ask, right? gonk

sweatdrop
Okay, shutting up now.



Does your religion/faith interfere with your love life?
Mixed relationships -- good or bad -- for you?
Love spells?
And anything else up there.

^^;  

[Azana Brown]

1.) Does my faith interfere with my love life? ^_^ Not since I met my Pagan boyfriend.

2.) Mixed relationships really depend on the people involved and how compatible the faiths are. Most Eastern philosophy/religions are very open to others, while more fundamental practitioners of Christianity would be best left alone.

3.) Love spells are annoying at best. I really have a pet peeve with them. The only one even close that I performed is to find out how someone felt about me. That was it.  

[PoeticVengeance]

I generally don't put up with people that try to push a religious belief on me. Not even for a moment. Someone who does that doesn't respect you or your decisions and doesn't deserve your time.


Being that Etherism is pretty strongly anti-conversion (The Suited Path Concept pretty much forbids active conversion) I wouldn't ever try to change your path or interfere with it.

I also don't see making fun of someone's faith as a very good thing for a significant other to do.



As for channeling to boost love (my version of a love spell I guess) that's extensively unethical. Using any kind of magic, be it spells, channeling, or even prayer to influence another's free will in a way that doesn't protect someone else or yourself from severe harm is a major violation of their rights as a sentient being.  

[midara the happy banshee]

Does your religion/faith interfere with your love life?
Mixed relationships -- good or bad -- for you?
Love spells?

Religion doesn't really interfere with my love life. It has in the past, but I've grown a lot since then. And luckily by fiance is pretty tolerant of my faith, even if he's agnostic, leaning toward atheist. If someone had enough of a problem with my religion that they felt the need to interfere or make fun, I wouldn't be dating them. It's that simple to me.

As far as love spells go, I have no problem with them at all. My path doesn't have any rule regarding people's free will, and I have no problem influencing people the way I see fit. In fact, I don't see love spells as anything terribly different from dressing my best, acting polite, flirting, and all the other things we do to subtly make people love us. I've had great results with them in the past, and I use them periodically now to sort of channel a little extra goodness into my current relationship.  

[PoeticVengeance]

midara the happy banshee

In fact, I don't see love spells as anything terribly different from dressing my best, acting polite, flirting, and all the other things we do to subtly make people love us.

I suppose that's a good point.

I guess I'm thinking more of the hardcore spells and channelings that tend to (more often then not) do more harm then good because of the degree to which they affect the person's pysche and emotional state.

I suppose a little nudge here and there isn't that bad at all.  

[Starlock]

Well, I won't speak from a personal standpoint here, but I truly suspect that it isn't so much the person's religion that interferes as much as traits alongside a person's religion that makes them either an exclusivist, inclusivist, or pluralist. While we can generalize about adherents of a particular religion, when it comes down to it, individual preferences and quirks play a signifigant role. A person might claim to be Christian for example but not devoutly follow that faith. On the other hand, they might claim they have no religion but are as rigid on faith issues as one might expect a fundamentalist to be.

I think that a person's tendancy to allow their religion (or ANY other aspect of their lives) to clash incompatibly with others is a function of a third aspect of their personalities and not intrinsic to the religion ior aspect itself. In that way, you get people whose faiths might interfere and those who might not even if they claim the exact same religion.

Love spells? (chuckles) I can't say they were even remotely what attracted me to the Neopagan path. As Midara pointed out, most end up doing their own sort of 'mundane magic' on that lines anyway.  

[The Bookwyrm]

Religion has never intefered with my relationships; I've never dated another Pagan, and the relationships failed for entirely different reasons. I have a close friend (who's probably the great unrequited love of my life, actually) who's a Shadow Wiccan; we came really close to having a relationship this year despite the fact that he's with someone else, and it was rediculously intense, just a connection on a deeper level. We were disturbingly intuned to one another, knowing what the other was thinking at any given time, knowing where they were and what they were doing when they were thinking it... I liked that sort of connection, so I am definately going to look for another Pagan for my next relationship.

Mixed relationships depend on the people in them. If they can respect one another's belifs, then they'll be okay. If they can't, they shouldn't be together; being in love with someone means that you accept them. Everything about them, whether you like it or not, because you can't pick and choose what you're going to accept about them.

As far as love spells go, it all depends on how you use them. I've used them, never directed towards an actual person, and when they're used responcibly, I have no problem with them. I don't like the idea of casting them on a specific person, simply because it can and often will intefere with free will, and they make for messy break ups. It certainly wasn't love spells that have lead me to where I am, but I've found them a useful tool. I have my 'mojo' bag, and I use something similar when I feel like I need that extra little boost to help me along. wink  

[Kain Wynd]

I met this really cute pagan guy the one day in a bookstore when I was back in Stroudsburg a couple of years ago. We had only spoken for about three minutes, but there was an intense exchange of energy during those three minutes that even his friend felt it. SO intense, it was almost intoxicating.

When it comes to meeting people, I become akin to a blithering idiot. Actually, I seem to talk a lot, words start running in on each other, and I feel like such a kid.

I've changed a lot so I don't go through all that. I've learn to keep my calm and just let it happen. I think I've learned to be gracefully single instead of heartbreakingly alone.

But the guys I have dated, religion never came up as an issue. I think mainly we were still discovering our selves that we had no point of view to speak on anyone else, especially each other.

As far as love spells are concerned, I had minimal experience with them. The ones I've done have worked quite well, just enough to bring another guy and myself to meeting each other, and I take it from there. That ALWAYS works for me.

twisted  

[Redwing~Shadow]

honestly...dating shouldnt make a difference. love is one of thgose things that just comes to you or comes out of nowhere. but ppl try to hard to have love so you see alot of relationships go bad. it all depends on if its the right person.  

[midara the happy banshee]

redwing_shadow

honestly...dating shouldnt make a difference. love is one of thgose things that just comes to you or comes out of nowhere. but ppl try to hard to have love so you see alot of relationships go bad. it all depends on if its the right person.

You know, I think I have to disagree with this. While having the 'right' person certainly helps, love is sort of what you make it, as evidenced by happy arranged marriages. From personal experience, I can say that love doesn't just fall in your lap and stay pristine. I've been with my fiance for three years, and those three years have been some of the hardest and most rewarding of my life. But relationships take work, and if that love isn't maintained by serious effort, it doesn't matter how compatible two people are. It just won't work.  

[PoeticVengeance]

In the end Love requires work. A lot of it.

Part of the best litmus test for whether you love someone, is if you're willing to put in the (sometimes ridiculous) amount of work necessary to keep your love going strong.

I guess my real issue with using channeling for love is the fact that people apply the same stupid misconceptions they have about love itself to love spells.

Some things I feel should be revealed:

Love spells will not make a happily ever after situation come into play. Love is not unconditional, and never will be. There are always conditions. And Snakes On a Plane was not an awesome movie.

^_^

That last one was unbacked personal opinion.  

[Kain Wynd]

Actually, I must disagree on the unconditional love statement.

When you are willing to do for a person something that you wouldn't do for anyone, and you are not weirded out by it, or you don't feel strange doing it, then you have obtained that unconditional love state.

In the concept of unconditional love, there are, essentially, no strings attached. There is no, "If you do this for me, then I will love you." There exists only the will to love each other, and to continue to love each other.

The only true condition that there should be in a situation of love is the condition of love. If there are other conditions, things a person must do in order to receive love from another person, then that's not love. But if the only thing a person has to do to receive love from a person is love that person and maintain the will to love that person, then we have only one condition for love: love. And in that situation, it can be said that the couple has unconditional love for each other, because both express freely their wills to love each other, not being forced to.

Relationships are work. Love is not. The test for whether or not you love someone is if you have the will to love them. If you are tired of being with a person and want to see other people, you may not feel as strongly about your situation as you perhaps, led your self and the other person to believe. All love asks is that you have the will to love.

And on the subject of love spells, they should be used to help bring together people who would have otherwise missed each other. Beyond that, the two must express a will to get to know the other person. It was the spell that made them meet each other, but everything after that is on their own steam, sans magic.

Love DOES NOT EQUAL Relationship. Again, relationships require work, but love does not.

twisted  

[The Bookwyrm]

redwing_shadow

honestly...dating shouldnt make a difference. love is one of thgose things that just comes to you or comes out of nowhere. but ppl try to hard to have love so you see alot of relationships go bad. it all depends on if its the right person.

I agree that people try too hard, but I really wonder if it's a matter of finding the "right" person. I've found the "right" one, someone that I can communicate with effortlessly, someone that I love beyond reason and who loves me back, but I have to let him go. I have to sit back and watch him marry someone else, which could pose the argument that he's really not the right one, but something tells me I'll never find anything like him again.

Love is a whole lot of things, combined to be agonizingly rewarding when all's said and done, and like Midara and Poetic have both said it's not always sunshine and rainbows; there's an element of sacrifice involved, it's something that needs work after the initial act of "falling in love." In the end, it comes down to what you make it.  

[PoeticVengeance]

Kain Wynd

Actually, I must disagree on the unconditional love statement.

When you are willing to do for a person something that you wouldn't do for anyone, and you are not weirded out by it, or you don't feel strange doing it, then you have obtained that unconditional love state.

In the concept of unconditional love, there are, essentially, no strings attached. There is no, "If you do this for me, then I will love you." There exists only the will to love each other, and to continue to love each other.

That wasn't really what I was getting at.

You see if a person changes radically (personality wise) that love is not workable anymore.

I'm sure you're familar with these two lines correct?

"You aren't the person I feel in love with!"

and

"I don't even know you anymore!"


They represent the basic idea that one condition that must remain true is that person you fell in love with remain at least similar to that personality.

If someone you loved changed so radically that you didn't even recognize them anymore (personality wise) could you honestly say it wouldn't impact your love for them?

I doubt it.

Quote:

The only true condition that there should be in a situation of love is the condition of love. If there are other conditions, things a person must do in order to receive love from another person, then that's not love. But if the only thing a person has to do to receive love from a person is love that person and maintain the will to love that person, then we have only one condition for love: love. And in that situation, it can be said that the couple has unconditional love for each other, because both express freely their wills to love each other, not being forced to.

Unconditional love is characterized by one word. Unconditional.

That means that there are no conditions, whatsoever, placed on that love. It means that even if that person's personality changed to the personality of Genghis Khan, or their body became a beaver, or they destroyed an entire planet for not so good reasons, you would still love them.

And you can claim that such things are unlikely, and would be considered ridiculous lengths to go to challenge a love, but the word "unconditional" itself is ridiculous.

If you make the statement that something has no conditions ever, then that allows people to enter into the absurd to explore that assumption, as that assumption is absurd in itself.

True love has very few conditions, and is certainly not dependant on actions. But it does have conditions (ones that are usually outside of our control and rarely come up).

Its important to know that, because sometimes those conditions do come up, and take love away. You need to be able to handle that if it happens.

Quote:

Relationships are work. Love is not. The test for whether or not you love someone is if you have the will to love them. If you are tired of being with a person and want to see other people, you may not feel as strongly about your situation as you perhaps, led your self and the other person to believe. All love asks is that you have the will to love.

I disagree, based on the words I have expressed above.

Love does require work to maintain the flame. Even true love will run into its low points.

And love does have conditions.

Quote:

And on the subject of love spells, they should be used to help bring together people who would have otherwise missed each other. Beyond that, the two must express a will to get to know the other person. It was the spell that made them meet each other, but everything after that is on their own steam, sans magic.

I agree to a certain extent, but really I prefer to handle things with my own capabilities instead of using spells if possible.

Call me naturalist, call me energy stingy, I just like to make sure that whatever energies I call and channeling I do leave a very light touch and no more then a light touch on my world.

Quote:

Love DOES NOT EQUAL Relationship. Again, relationships require work, but love does not.

I never said love equals relationships.

But I firmly disagree that love doesn't require work. You strike me as a little naive about human nature.

Quote:

twisted

O_o  

[Redwing~Shadow]

midara the happy banshee

redwing_shadow

honestly...dating shouldnt make a difference. love is one of thgose things that just comes to you or comes out of nowhere. but ppl try to hard to have love so you see alot of relationships go bad. it all depends on if its the right person.

You know, I think I have to disagree with this. While having the 'right' person certainly helps, love is sort of what you make it, as evidenced by happy arranged marriages. From personal experience, I can say that love doesn't just fall in your lap and stay pristine. I've been with my fiance for three years, and those three years have been some of the hardest and most rewarding of my life. But relationships take work, and if that love isn't maintained by serious effort, it doesn't matter how compatible two people are. It just won't work.

I never said it doesnt take work...i know this to because i to am in a relationship and both me and him see ourselves and both partners. we work together to get problems straightend out, and by that there is work to it, yes. but the reason i say that sometimes love just ends up finding u is because i never dated and met him in the homeless shelter while i was homeless. we were each others support. thats how we got so close and ended up in love together. Not all relationships start like that no, but personaly rushing into a relationship can get overwhelming and crash a relationship. friendship is a good starter for a relationship. its that and it really depends on what ur gut tells you. and to be honest...my case was more of love at first sight....kinnda...yeah...that dosnt seem that common or true....but what ever the case i found someone special and a friend and even more.