Something New(er)

[Pirate4Life45]

Here's more of my Greek story:

I woke up on third day long before the sun would rise, my mind was too restless to sleep. So much to do, and so little time. They couldn't possibly expect me to get all of my chores done today, there were far too many, and I was far too preocupied. Mother should tell my sister to help me with the chores. Just because she was older and was ready to be married any day now didn't mean she was exscused from the day's work. That's how it went in Mother's mind though.
"Athena must concentrate on being a good wife Elias, she has work enough to do," Mother would say. When I eventually had a wife of my own, and she inevitably bore children, at least one of the many I hope for being a girl, I would never treat her in such a way. Women should be treated as goddesses, yes, but this was getting to be a bit much. Athena, bless her heart, had been given to a boy who got called off to fight against the Trojans and lost his life. I being just a touch too young to fight, stayed behind and asked the gods to bring glory and honor to our small city. Which they did, but they gave my dear sister a heart full of grief along with it. Athena grieved for him for a very long time. She had been so close to happiness, and then it was ripped away at the seams. For the longest time I wondered what she could've done to anger the gods so badly that they felt the need to punish her, but Mother said it was worng to question the judgement of the gods, so I abruptly stopped wondering.
It took Athena a great deal of time to find another man suited for her, for it was difficult making a bride at such an age as my sister. But the gods smiled on us as Stavros ventured into our hunble city one bright, sunny day. He made Athena happy, and knew how to treat her. Like his own personal goddess.
"Athena, such a name can only belong to you. For you, must be as beautiful as the daughter of Zeus herself," I would hear him say time and time again. But I did not know, how right he was.  

[WildWildWindWhisperer]

Cool cool
Simply adore written works about mythology. Greek myth is such a colorful and pleasant topic for writing. You do delightful justice to the history, characters, and color of the Grecian legends.
You have me wishing to read more and in wonder of where the tale shall lead. Additionally, am wondering where the other portions of this work are hidden. (You have mentioned at the beginning that it is a continuation).

Thank you, for sharing.

Sincerely.....
.......................WildWildWindWhisperer wink  

[Pirate4Life45]

Much obliged Whisperer. Thanks.  

[hapahaole]

I love how real the characters feel. You can really relate to them. I was going to suggest a different way to show the back story instead of telling it, but I think I like your flow of consiousness style. Have you ever read William Faulkner? He's known for his flow of consiousness. Anyway, I will suggest that you have more action in it so it's not so much "wait, stop the action, I'm going to tell you about my sister." Does that make sense? I can elaborate more if you wish. At the least bring the reader back to the action at the end.

I really like it though. It really sets the scene and atmosphere for the rest of the story. Keep writing!  

[Pirate4Life45]

I sort of understand what you're saying, but elaborting a bit more would be quite helpful, thanks, Anyway, yes, I have read William Faulker and am reading him now for a class, and I'm not very fond of him. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just because of the book I'm reading. I just don't like it. But thanks for the comment, I'll keep writing.  

[hapahaole]

Yeah, Faulkner is... different. I've only read As I lay dieing. Not sure if I enjoyed reading it, but I enjoyed analyzing it.

Hmm, the first example that comes to mind is Ferris Bueller's day off. At the very begining he looks at the screen and tells the viewers about his life, his backstory. He doesn't just sit there on his bed the entire time. He takes a shower, gets ready for the day, even does some hacking on his computer. That's the kind of thing your character needs to do. There needs to be some movement in the story. It needs to feel like it's going somewhere. Even if the action seems insignificant, like taking a shower (we'd asume he'd take a shower, we don't really have to see it).

Does that help?  

[Pirate4Life45]

Completely. Thanks a lot I totally get what you're saying. It makes sense too. Thanks. I hope your holidays are great!  

[hapahaole]

No prob, glad I could help. Can't wait to read more. And Happy Holidays to you too!  

[Pirate4Life45]

You guys should totally check out my new post. I think it's more promising than this one.  

[WildWildWindWhisperer]

Pirate4Life45

You guys should totally check out my new post. I think it's more promising than this one.

****
New post?
thread title?
Shall take a look for it.
Reading it shall be a pleasant holiday gift.
Thank you!

Merry Christmas & Happy Hoiliday to you!


..........WildWildWindWhisperer wink  

[Pirate4Life45]

The title is Masquerade PROLOGUE (kind of). It is a different story all together. (i'm still writing this one), i was just thinking of another one so I put it on here.  

[WildWildWindWhisperer]

Pirate4Life45

The title is Masquerade PROLOGUE (kind of). It is a different story all together. (i'm still writing this one), i was just thinking of another one so I put it on here.

Thank you for the listing & direction to you latest work.
Its always a pleasure to read what you have written

Later..
...........WindWhisperer wink