Song of Sorrow

[IrishSpitfire]

I wrote this song in dedication to one of my most beloved characters from Dead Man's Chest, this of course is for Davy Jones and NOT Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, or Norrington.


I would greatly love feedback on this, its my first song and Im anxcious to know if its good.


Over the crashing waves,
Over the endless depths,
I hear your song,
Your song so illusive, so faint,
It beckon’s me into your arms,
Your warm embrace of love

When I opened the door,
you were not there,
When I called your name,
you did not answer,
On the table I found a note,
A note of bitter farewell.

You said we could not be,
that we were not destined to be,
That you a maiden of the Land,
Could not be with a man of the Sea,
Now my heart it aches for you,
Now my mind it hates after you.

My mind screams for vengeance,
My mind screams for hate,
My mind demands the pain given in return,
For the pain that you caused me,

My heart screams for forgiveness,
My heart screams for mercy,
My heart demands love given in return,
For the love that you denied me,

The pain is too great,
I cannot bear it any longer,
I carve my heart out,
To forget the pain,

Here it lies in the chest,
Beating on its own,
Away from whom it belongs,

Here am I,
On my own,
Away from the one who I truly belong.  

[Cheerfulhope]

river09

I wrote this song in dedication to one of my most beloved characters from Dead Man's Chest, this of course is for Davy Jones and NOT Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, or Norrington.


I would greatly love feedback on this, its my first song and Im anxcious to know if its good.


Over the crashing waves,
Over the endless depths,
I hear your song,
Your song so illusive, so faint,
It beckon’s me into your arms,
Your warm embrace of love

When I opened the door,
you were not there,
When I called your name,
you did not answer,
On the table I found a note,
A note of bitter farewell.

You said we could not be,
that we were not destined to be,
That you a maiden of the Land,
Could not be with a man of the Sea,
Now my heart it aches for you,
Now my mind it hates after you.

My mind screams for vengeance,
My mind screams for hate,
My mind demands the pain given in return,
For the pain that you caused me,

My heart screams for forgiveness,
My heart screams for mercy,
My heart demands love given in return,
For the love that you denied me,

The pain is too great,
I cannot bear it any longer,
I carve my heart out,
To forget the pain,

Here it lies in the chest,
Beating on its own,
Away from whom it belongs,

Here am I,
On my own,
Away from the one who I truly belong.

Wow! That's awesome, but somehow it seems more like a poem and not a song. ^-^ Either way, it's great! Good job!  

[IrishSpitfire]

yes i would agree it sounds more like a poem confused ah well i love it to bits^^  

[Aella_chan]

I liked it very much. heart
It could actually go well as a song, at least a song in the genre of Celtic Folk music.
Alittle bit colourless, and short in a way.
I usually like to deepen into the inner depths of a song.
Or devide it into different parts and near the end connect them.
But I'd have to say, it really is well done. 3nodding  

[IrishSpitfire]

Thanks I love the feedback it makes me feel so much better about my writing^^ heart