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| Did my poem translate the message to the reader in an artful and pleasing manner? |
| Yes, your poem did. |
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75% |
[ 6 ] |
| No, your poem did not. |
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25% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 8 |
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 Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 4:23 pm
Secret Sea
Anthony Davis
We to the secret sea will sail once more
The ropes release us from the salt-stained dock
We leave our dark and tainted lives ashore
Lives lived, souls lost, told forever in lore
Up on deck, sweet brine sprays upon mine frock
We to the secret sea will sail once more
Long ago we lost what we do this for
Constable's hands fumble at the door's lock
We leave our dark and tainted lives ashore
Craving only to go from door to door
Widows weep as twelve chimes upon the clock
We to the secret sea will sail once more
When unwilling arms embrace us no more
Burying the brave dead after their shock
We leave our dark and tainted lives ashore
As crimson trails we leave from shore to shore
Victim's blood dried and caked upon mine frock
We to the secret sea will sail once more
We leave our dark and tainted lives ashore
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Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 9:03 pm
Amazing! For some reason I love dark depressed poems...Nice job ^.- Keep writing. Try making it even longer...
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 2:04 pm
I would but that would mess up the over-all scheme of the poem.
It's of a type known as a Villanelle (I believe that is spelled correctly).
It is made up of six stanzas, with two cinquains in each stanza.
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 6:41 pm
Okay then, I understand ^^
*feels proud for knowing what funny words ment*
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 8:15 pm
This piece has the feel of the beginnings of a much longer one (although it stands quite well on its own!). I like the imagery, especially the bit about "the salt-stained dock" and "blood dried and caked upon mine frock."
It has the taste of a much older piece... what was your inspiration?
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:53 am
honestly....I wanted to write something that would portray the life of a pirate; not the enjoyment gain, but the feeling of the corruption of the soul they gain.
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:04 am
Wow, I love this. It's different somehow, I just cant seem to put my finger on it, exactly. But it's excellent, well done. ^. ^
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 1:58 pm
I thank you, Electrash, it is not often that good work is recognized and commended.
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 6:20 pm
Overall, its a nice poem. And I am giving you this critisim on behalf of an English major. Please dont take it the wrong way for I do not intend this to be rude. The rhyming is a little much. I noticed the ABA, ABAA patten which is ok, and common. You have talent, I dont know if this is the only way you write or not, but a lot of really good poems dont have to rhym, as long they are still beautiful. If this is the way you love to write, then go for it though, do what ever makes you happy, as I said before, Im speaking on behalf of an English major.
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:41 pm
This poem was an assignment I had to complete for my Creative Writing class; we were studying Cinquains and Villenelles (sorry for any spelling errors).
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