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 Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:59 am
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Well that didn't seem to work, so hopefully just posting this is fine. Is there a cut like on Livejournal? This is super long... gonk I'm sorry if it stretches the page, but here it is in full just incase some of you don't have a myspace. But I can't think of another way to post this. I'll do this in more than one part. sweatdrop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is really unfortunate. I just want to make clear that what we wrote about Elisa leaving the band in our initial statement was to help her. By saying Elisa left the band to pursue a solo career we were trying to give her a platform to launch herself as a solo artist. We wanted to end things in a positive way. It wasn’t working out with her. Although that is a sad situation, it happens in bands all the time. We wanted to deal with it as best we could and didn’t want it to reflect poorly on her future endeavors. But Elisa obviously couldn’t let it go and replied with that vile and vengeful statement. I’ve already learned the hard way that you shouldn’t air out your dirty laundry for the world to see. Yes, we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have our problems. And bands of course have tons of problems. And yes, the problems that we as a band had with Elisa made it impossible for us to keep her in Cobras.
But that is private band business that no one needs to know about.
We sent Elisa the statement about her departure for her to review. We asked her to change, edit, omit, and add to it as she saw fit. (Apparently what she saw fit to do was post the unfinished and incomplete statement online and respond to it instead of discussing it with us. More on that in a minute…). and we did this for HER sake. We wanted her to be comfortable with the reason we would give and we wanted her to save face. We would have been happy to explain the situation however she saw fit, but I would think that anyone in their right mind would not want the world to know that she was fired from her job. Regardless of her job and regardless if she feels like she was fired with just cause or not. Obviously when people are fired, they don’t like it, don’t agree with it, and will in their hearts feel that it is unfair. But those who are smart keep these sentiments to themselves (and their friends and loved-ones) because being fired just never looks good. And anyone who wants to have a job in the future should know that it doesn’t make sense to bring a bag full of drama to their new job.
I apologize that what we wanted to state in our press release/blog was not the whole truth. I just thought it unnecessary to proclaim to the world our problems/frustrations, and I was trying to take the higher road. In all honestly, I would RATHER tell the whole truth. I feel better when can I speak from the heart. But when I speak from the heart, I have little regard for my interests and I end up inviting in a s**t storm, regardless of how wrong or right I am. (anyone remember the Drive-Thru scandal? ) I learned the hard way that sometimes it’s best to keep your real opinions to yourself. Because after all, in a fight, there are two (or more) people who disagree with “real” opinions, and their own versions of the truth, and they are all speaking from their heart! I learned that the real truth lies somewhere in the middle, and can usually only be seen clearly in hindsight. And I also learned that it’s not smart to discuss a sensitive and personal matter in public, especially while you’re in the heated thick of it. Only time can heal it and lend it clarity. Ultimately, it just always makes more sense to never fight (even if you’re angry). That if any, was OUR interest in not getting into the whole story of Elisa in our statement: To avoid a s**t storm. But I can take a s**t storm. What I really didn’t want to do was speak negatively of her.
Unfortunately however, it looks like I will have to. Because the other thing I learned from my previous scandal was that once someone attacks you, there is no longer any room to take the high road. If someone starts a fight with you, you can’t just sit there and take it. Years ago, my biggest mistake was to not respond to some horrible accusations made about me. Because at the end of the day, although your silence and refusal to engage in a dirty fight may speak volumes of your threshold and integrity, your opponent’s words (although petty) are much louder, and ring on for all eternity….especially on the internet.
If Elisa wants to let the world know that she was fired, I am happy to back up our reasons. I have no qualms about that. We did nothing wrong to her. Sometimes things just don’t work out and you have to know when to let go and walk away. By accusing us of mistreating her and being cruel and deceitful, Elisa is forcing us to respond to these accusations and tell our side of the story. This will ultimately end up embarrassing her—something that, again, I did not want to do. I will try my hardest to only defend ourselves against her malice, and to not return her malice with more malice, because that is just is too much negativity. There has already been enough negativity and I want to cleanse myself of it.
Yes folks, Elisa has brought on the shirt storm—
But I’m ready for it. Come on bring it. (sorry to crack a joke, I just have to be able to laugh in the face of this tragedy, otherwise it will just eat me alive)
I have copied Elisa’s post verbatim (syntax et al), and it is indented in italics. I respond directly to her points in regular type intermittently throughout her letter.
You’d better get a comfy seat, because this is a long one. Seriously, I wrote a novel. Print it out and curl up next to the fireplace with some hot cocoa. I don’t even expect most people to finish it. But we just had to make our side of the story unmistakably clear.
But before we get to the main event, here in its entirety, is the press release we never got to post (thanks again E!).
*****************************************
What up Cobras!!
We have some breaking news to report! As you guys know, Cobra Starship started off as my solo/side shiznnitch. But in the past 4 months of touring it has evolved into a band, a fam, and even a clan. (OCC! What up! Midwest (Clan!) and West Coast (Crew!) represent!). It has been exciting to watch the project morph from some idea in my head into a real life band. Because now Cobra Starship is a real boy, and it never would have happened if my friends didn’t take time off from their own other endeavors to ride the Starship. Well actually, Nate Novarro, our beloved boy-toy drummer, was the first full-fledged Cobra. He committed to it right away; moved up from Atlanta and into my basement to join. And even after only being in Jersey City for 3 days and having his car stolen, his faith was unscathed; he never doubted the Cobra.
Then came my boys (and Rob Hitt’s neighbors), Alex & Ryland. They have an amazing band called The Ivy League ( http://www.myspace.com/ivyleagueonline ) that they put on hold so that Cobra Starship could come to life. You may know them from their roles as Sanchez and Rodrigo, the mariachis who perform a wonderful Spanish rendition of “Hey Mr. DJ” (“Oye SeÑor Dee-Shay”) at the top of the “Church” video.
But of course, we would not be Cobra Starship if we did not have a keytar. And we would not have had a keytar if it wasn’t for the amazingly talented Elisa Anna Schwartz who rocked that thing every night. What many of you may not know is that Elisa is not only a classically-trained pianist, but she is also an amazing singer and song-writer. She had been working on her solo stuff when I first met her, but she decided to put that on hold to go on tour with us. Unfortunately however, after an amazing four months, she is sadly leaving to focus once again on her solo career. While we are sad to see her go, as I’m sure all of you are, we are really excited to hear her new songs and to see her make her dreams a reality! We want all you guys to check out her stuff and support the jams she’s about to drop on you!
http://www.myspace.com/elisaloveskermit
Stay tuned. Because soon she’ll be letting us open up for her…. At least maybe I can be one of her dancers. wink
So what now? Who is going to rock the keytar for us? Lucky for me, not only are Suarez and Ry-Ry shredders*, but they are also extremely popular. And intrinsic in their popularity are a vast number of extraordinarily talented and hip friends (of which personally I have none. My friends are all uncoordinated and bookish). Hence our newest Cobra: Victoria Asher.
Victoria (or VickyT as all the boys in da hood call her) , is from/lives in Manhattan via LA via London and knows Suarez who is friends with her boyfriend’s band Lola Ray. She used to play in a band from LA called Opitmo and we are as excited about taking her out on tour as she is about meeting you guys. So go check out her myspace: http://www.myspace.com/vickyt and tell her what’s up. Make plans with her to get a pedicure and get cho hair did when we’re in your town.
Which of course brings us to the Cartel tour! We’re psyched to go out with those dudes, and our boys who are also into girls (as I am also into cats), Boys Like Girls. The tickets are selling fast, (the first 3 shows are already sold out) so be sure to get yours. And like always, we’ll be hanging out at the shows. So please, come get us--- I mean…”say”… hi. Buy us drinks and bring us snakes. Just kidding…but not really.
*speaking of Shredder. Did you know that there’s a new Ninja Turtles movie coming out? Yeah, but did you know that we just did a song for the soundtrack of said movie? Thought not! Yeah, yeah I know: First a movie about reptiles and now one on amphibians—mutated, teenaged, and trained in the martial arts— but nevertheless, amphibian. There was no way we could say no. You see, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or TMNT, as I like to refer to them) were my favorite when I was growing up. I even had the original comic books (albeit the reissued graphic novels—but nevertheless, I delved deep into the dark side and past of the TMNTs). I always aspired to be an amalgamation of both Michelangelo and Leonardo’s best traits. I wanted to be a fun-loving party-dude, but also have a deep sense of right and wrong and a comprehensive grasp of philosophy. Naturally, of course, I failed at both. But I have been redeemed at last by being able to contribute to my heroes’ soundtrack! Our song is called “Bebop v. Rocksteady,” and it plays over a big fight scene in the movie. After we wrote it, I thought, “hey, this is a great song, but it feels like it’s missing something.” I felt like it still wasn’t as good as “Snakes/Bring it.” Then I had an epiphany! It was missing but one line: “Oh, I’m ready for it!” ** So I added that line, pressed the “#1 Hit Single” button on the console and WHAMMO: the song was complete.
** I am 100% dead serious.
I wanna thank our friend Rob from Hidden in Plainview for recording the song for us. He did an amazing job and made time for us at the last minute! Thanks BeBob!
That’s about it for now.
Stay tuned for more awesomeness. Thank you all for an amazing Fall—we couldn’t have done it without you!-- and get ready for 2007!
Keep your fangs up!
-Gabe
*********************************************************
That’s it. That was our initial press release that we intended to send out. Reading it again, it just sucks that it could have been such an amicable and civil split, and now it’s been reduced to this. So much negativity. Oh well. Here we go:
When I first met Gabe, it was a very transient period of my life. The second I met him I felt we were connected in some way, I immediately saw him as a very special unique person. I even said to my friend Farrah ten minutes after I met him "my life is changing in some way because of that guy!" I remember when he first played his songs to me, I reacted the same way every other girl on Earth reacts! And then, when he asked me to be in a band with him, I immediately was so excited and happy. I finally had met someone who understood me, personally, and musically which is what I was looking for my whole life. Since the day I met him, I believed in him, his music, and his dreams, and was just so excited to be a part of this. I read my journal entries from that time, and they were just so hopeful and just ecstatic!Now Im not going to go into details of our relationship, because there are several parties it would effect, so Im going to fast forward a couple months. Something changed in our relationship, and it really effected the band badly. At one point, everyone was taking digs at me and insulting me and just overall disrespecting me. I tried everything I could to change it. Sometimes it would get so bad I would just walk around all day to avoid them and come back for the show at night. I was very isolated by the band at that point. They would all hang out together, and then when they saw me, they would say little sarcastic comments or insults, and then just walk away. There was nothing I could do right in their eyes. They would all talk together and I wouldnt know what was going on. So I would just avoid contact with them except work.
What Elisa says at the beginning is true: When we first met, she truly believed in me, and she encouraged me to work harder. And when everything started coming together for me, I knew that she was going to be the first person I called to come along. I remember calling her to talk about it: she was so excited about the possibility of joining the band that she almost couldn’t believe I was really asking her. So of course, I was touched and flattered at how dedicated she was to the idea. But unfortunately, being dedicated to the idea of the band is not the same as being dedicated to the band itself. That is, saying one thing is not the same as actually doing it; or umm….“easier said than done?”
Elisa had a tough time adjusting to being on the road. She had never been in a band before and now all of a sudden she was living on a bus with 13 boys. She also had no previous knowledge of the scene. She comes from a completely different place—which, please understand, I am in no way judging. It’s just that on top of living with 13 boys she had just met, I know she often felt out of place for other reasons. She expressed to me that she just could not relate to “these people,” as she would say, and I was completely sympathetic.
And this is where the lies begin. No one picked on Elisa. The road is just tough and I know that it was even harder for her. And thus we all tried to tolerate her behavior. Even when others complained about Elisa, I would vouch for her and say we needed to be more understanding; being here was more difficult for her than for the rest of us. But her isolation turned into insecurity and her insecurity manifested itself as a vile wretched malice that attacked each one of us. You see, it’s not just that she was negative to be around, as in, just passively bummed. Rather, she would actively instigate and cause drama, and gossip and try to start fights. Maybe she was just bored. Maybe she was just so alone that the only way she could feel like people cared about her was if they got into fights. Regardless of the reason, it was still going too far. But even when it was going too far I paid little mind and tried to extend my empathy. Even when she came up to me to try to convince me that Alex and Ryland were just using me to make Ivy League (their indie-folk project) big, I didn’t get mad at her. Her motivation was awfully transparent. I tried to explain to her that those dudes were my bros and I’d be happy to see Ivy League blow up and, moreover, I would do anything I could to help them—even play bass! (if they let me that is). I told her she could not sway me with her malice, and that it would only diminish my view of her. This infuriated her even more, and I guess it was all downhill from there.
Then even at one point they flew in a replacement keytar player and she lived on the bus for a week, and I just thought she was Nate's friend!
Yes this is true. What she is not telling you here is that the situation with her got so bad, that we actually fired her in the middle of our second tour! No one wants to have to replace someone in the middle of a tour! Can you imagine the hassle, expense and headache that causes? Obviously if we flew someone else out in the middle of tour to replace her, it means that we had a serious problem with Elisa that we could not resolve.
Let that sink in for a minute.
I don’t want to get into all the problems we had with her right now (see below for that). And I will only address those that she herself brings up, because as I said, I don’t want to go on the offensive. But let’s just say for now that we gave Elisa repeated warnings about her behavior and explained what was appropriate and inappropriate. Then we gave her one final warning, and when she continued to misbehave, we had no choice but to let her go. We called our friend and asked her if she would be willing to fly out and finish up the tour with us. Once she got there, we sat down with Elisa and explained to her yet again the reasons why it was not working, and told her that we thought it would be best if she went home.
The fact of the matter is that despite how much she believed in the idea of the band at the outset, she simply did not have her heart in it. One of the problems we had with Elisa is that she would do the bare minimum (if anything) of what is required of any member in any band. There were no attempts at solidarity on her part. In the middle of our first tour I spoke to her about this and I said to her, “look, you are only going to get out of this situation what you put into it. You have the same opportunity as the rest of these guys to make this your own. I know this is all really new and it’s all moving really fast, but we are all making every effort to become a unit here, and you seem like you are doing everything to not be a part of that.” She responded by telling me that before Cobras, she worked for two years at a job she hated everyday (I will not say what job that was, so don’t ask me). And because she sacrificed and endured that, God rewarded her with joining this band. And that she knows that she will endure this and God will reward her with something even greater. I was perplexed. Endure? I didn’t understand. So I said to her, “the most important thing is for you to be happy. I don’t want you to be in this band if it doesn’t make you happy.” And I meant that honestly; with no animosity whatsoever. She did not respond to that, which I thought was good because maybe she would put thought into it.
Unfortunately however, the situation did not improve. It was clear to me then that Elisa saw this band as a stepping stone to something else—maybe to another band, maybe to her solo career. Who knows? I for one didn’t care. I was happy to welcome her in the band for as long as she wanted to do it, and I told her that. Ultimately, if her dream is to have her own band or a solo career, I want her to succeed and will do what I can to help. That is why I wrote that statement. I know that Elisa has her own fans that love her and look up to her. And I want those people to continue to support Elisa in everything she does. The last thing I wanted was to have a public fight and force people to pick sides. What is the point of that? I see none. And it’s so tragic now that this is where we are.
So, back to her getting fired in the middle of the MTV2 tour (which again, is really dishonest of her to omit from her entire rambling):
When we first let her know, she was prideful and pretended to be fine with it. We actually thought she was going to walk away from the situation like that—indignant, but dignified. However, in the middle of the night, the reality must have hit her because she started crying hysterically and tried to break into my hotel room to plead her case. I explained to her that right then was not an appropriate time to discuss and that we should all speak the following afternoon together as a band. When we convened the next day, she asked to read aloud a letter she wrote to us wherein she acknowledged her mistakes and made a long list of all the things she would not do if she were allowed to stay in the band. In her letter she pleaded for one more chance to stay on a self-proposed probationary basis. And that if she were to break even just one of the rules she set for herself, we could send her home immediately. (I still have this letter and I could scan it and post it, but again that would not be right. Thus, I will only address the points/rules that she brings up below).
After talking to her, the rest of us discussed at length the pros and cons. I was the biggest advocate in favor of keeping her. After all, she had always supported the idea of Cobra Starship, but more importantly I argued that this was the first time we had seen Elisa admit to her behavior. And that the first step in changing your faults is to acknowledge them, which she was very clearly doing. Moreover, she gave us license to let her go if she violated any one of her own rules. We figured she would obviously not be able to dispute our decision later on if she violated one of her own requirements (so much for that though. I really don’t understand how she can be claiming anything right now after that letter. I mean, she had spelled it out herself in writing!*) It seemed like the only fair thing to do was to give her this final chance. So we decided to let her finish up the tour on a probationary basis with the restrictions she laid out for herself.
*what I will show below, and what is really sad about how dishonest she is being, is that in her accusations against us, she is actually admitting to breaking the rules that she had set out for herself. The rules that she had promised to follow in order to prove to us that she deserved to stay in the band. And to add insult to injury she is claiming that we let her go behind her back when she already knew she was on probation. The truth is she knows she broke the majority (if not all) of those rules she set for herself and that she was completely incapable of keeping her word. And obviously she realizes that we all know she did not keep her word to us—and how could we keep someone in the band who cannot even keep her most basic word? It’s sad because this entire letter (her online posting, not the handwritten probationary plea) is the last desperate attempt of someone who does not want to accept the reality of a situation. And it sucks to see her in pain, but in the end she must admit (or re-admit rather) her culpability in this matter because I will not accept her attempts to harm us. The only thing that is really hurtful actually is that in writing this, she is actually recanting on every apology she has ever given us.
They would all talk to each other and go to soundcheck and tell me about it when they were already one the stage, because I couldnt handle hanging out with them because of the constant verbal abuse. And then I would get screamed at for missing it, when they could have texted me!
This one is my favorite, and I’m surprised that she even is bringing this one up because even without me responding to it, her statement sounds unreasonable. Anyone who has ever been on tour knows (and anyone who has not been on tour can understand), that it is your own responsibility on tour to know when sound-check is and to be there for it. We were lucky enough to afford a tour manager, who was nice enough to post a daily schedule every morning in the lounge of the bus, that clearly stated the sound-check time (in addition to the load-in time, set time, and any other relevant information that one who was on tour would need to know). All that was required of Elisa was to LOOK at said schedule once a day, and make sure that she showed up to where she was supposed to be at posted times.
But instead Elisa would disappear all day (and again, I don’t want to say where she was going or what she was doing because it’s not my place), and not tend to any responsibilities that make a band a band. Most of the responsibilities that she neglected I could deal with. Because after all, she had already told me explicitly that this band was just a stepping stone for her. And I was happy to have her contribute to Cobras for as long as she decided to stay with us. So if she didn’t load in, I didn’t care. If she wasn’t around during the day for whatever would come up, fine. But to not be there for sound-check!? Come on! That affects all of us and her as well! That affects our show that night; how well we play, sound, and are received. You can’t miss sound-check everyday! (you really shouldn’t miss it even one day!) You just can’t!
The notion that we “would all talk to each other and go to sound-check” is ludicrous. What is she implying? That we would plan secret sound-checks and go without her?! That is IN-SANE! All she had to do was look at the day sheets. None of us talked about sound check. We just looked and showed up. My god.
And what’s even more ludicrous is that she is still* arguing that we should have texted her to let her know about sound-check. I think everyone can understand that no one wants to be a babysitter!! We are all adults on tour and no one should be running after a person who is constantly negating her most basic responsibility! We are all plenty exhausted without having to chase after Elisa and see if she can fit sound-check into her schedule. If I never hear a discussion about sound-check again for the rest of my life, it will be too soon.
(*I say still because this was a big issue for us—one that she wrote about at length in her letter. And one in which she acknowledged full responsibility and committed to change. So the fact that she is still bringing it up is a slap in the face. But more than that, it’s laughable)
The verbal abuse thing is just simply a lie. We shared a bus with Gym Class for our first tour, I’m sure that if we were verbally abusing her day-in day-out, they would have said something. And even if she wants to claim that we really were that cruel (as cruel as school children, that is) it would be difficult for us to have acted so without ruining our friendship with Gym Class. Who wants to stay friends with someone who is continuously and publicly berating another human being in front of you? Not me. And not anyone else. There is no one who will say that we verbally abused her. The problem is that she would not respond well to criticism, and thus she took everything as a personal attack on her. But I have to be sympathetic: maybe she wouldn’t have been so sensitive to criticism if she didn’t feel so out of place. I have to remind myself that tour was hard for her even though I really just want to be angry with her. But the truth is that we went out of our way to help her get adjusted. Ryland had never been on tour either, but he rolled with the punches, and got the hang of it. Elisa just never became acclimated to the life. It’s tough. I just wish she would realize that maybe it wasn’t the right situation for her rather than trying to place the blame on us. I have to give Elisa credit though: it’s hard to be around boys all day long. We can be smelly, dirty, rude and annoying. But there was never any malice directed at her. It’s sad that she is choosing to believe there was, or at least declare it so.
And there was a rule where I wasnt allowed to ask any questions!!If this sounds nuts, it sounds even more ridiculous for me to write a statement like this.
I’m not sure what this is referring to. I don’t think that this was one of the rules that she had laid out for herself. (and please understand, that the only time she had rules to follow was after she asked to be let back in the band on a probationary basis; and that these are rules she set for herself. I know I’m repeating myself over and over here, but I just want this to be abundantly clear. No one else has a set of rules to follow. She applied them to herself because she acknowledged her lack of judgment and discretion and volunteered to err on the side of safety; to follow rules so as to not take the chance of making inappropriate or damaging decisions) I think that Suarez got sick of her asking him every day what time sound-check was and told her something to the extent of “you are not allowed to ask me any more questions” because he was fed-up. That’s my best guess as to what this is referring to. That’s not a rule, that’s just him being annoyed. Another preposterous allegation; but yet again .... laughable.
I was the only person who wasnt allowed to have a friend on the bus, so me and my best friend had to drive behind in a car, while all the bands members girlfriends were staying there!!
Wow, I can’t believe she is bringing this one up either. This one is really embarrassing. Ok, um…let’s just say that Elisa loved to have dance parties on the bus after a show. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. Cobra Starship is all about the party. But you need to balance your love of parties with some discretion. First and foremost, you need to have discretion about whom you bring on the bus. Secondly, you need to have discretion about when you are having a party. And thirdly, and most importantly, you need to have consideration for the needs of others: especially when you are a guest on someone else’s bus and there are 14 people crammed into 12 bunks and a back lounge! Elisa unfortunately showed a complete lack of regard for any of these considerations on a continued and repeated basis.
On two occasions, Travis had to talk to me about the people she was bringing on the bus. One time Elisa brought some lurker kid who freaked Travie out, and another time she brought on this girl who was drunk and started talking s**t to him—on his own bus! Can you imagine how embarrassing it was for me as Travis’ friend—after he not only took my brand new band on its first-ever tour, but also let us share his bus—to be told, not once, but twice, that I need to control someone in my band?
On another occasion Suarez had his iPod stolen. And more often than I can count, Elisa brought people she would randomly meet at all hours of the day and night onto the bus. Don’t get me wrong, we love to meet new people and hang out with our fans, but the bus is literally our home when we are on tour. And there are definitely times when you don’t want to entertain guests in your home. For example, in the mornings when we just get up. And of course at home, some people sleep really late and others go to bed really early. And to be able to get along on tour, you need to have consideration for everyone’s needs.
If stuff like that happened once in a while, it would be tolerable, but this was an ongoing problem with Elisa; one that she was talked to about over and over and over again ad nauseum. However, when we talked to her about it, she would be defiant and would refuse to acknowledge her responsibility. (And of course claim that we were ganging up on her—saying things very much like what she stated above; not realizing that having your girlfriend on the bus is way different than inviting a stranger to get drunk and party.) In fact, if I remember correctly, I think that it was this exact problem (which was part of the final warning we gave her which she did not heed) that caused her to be fired the first time.
Anyway, so now that you have a clear idea of the history and context of this particular issue (*sighhhhhhhh*….I can’t believe how much time I’m spending on this… I’m still in my pajamas.) Let me address specifically, the issue of her best friend and riding in the car behind the bus.
Again, it’s really deceitful and malicious of Elisa to present the story in this fashion—omitting crucial points that lend to the truth of the situation—but I am trying my best to feel only pity and not anger. So anyway, about a week after she was kicked out, then let back in on a probationary basis, committing to self-imposed restrictions such as not letting people on the bus (after freely acknowledging that she lacked the judgment and discretion to know whom she should invite onto the bus and when), or having friends ride with us (she had a problem here too where she invited her “friend” to stay with us for almost 10 days without checking with anybody to see if it was ok before doing so—which made it awkward for everyone, because we didn’t want to make her friend feel unwelcome, but we needed our space)—yeah about a week after all that, she asked us if her friend Farrah could come out. We actually knew Farrah and all liked her, but we thought it was highly inappropriate of Elisa to be asking us to grant her a concession when she had just committed to change. We thought it showed a tremendous lack of character and commitment to one’s own words. She was putting us all in an awkward position, both with her and with Farrah. I honestly don’t remember what happened. But I think that Farrah came down to the Seattle show and drove back a few hours with Elisa to the Vancouver show? I really don’t remember the details, but again her implication with the above statement is that we forced her and her friend to follow us around on tour behind the bus. And that is simply an exaggeration (if not a complete fabrication). And even if it wasn’t an exaggeration—even if it was 100% true—in light of everything that was going on, we would have been well within our rights to have asked her to do that. ********, according to her own letter, we could have kicked her out of the band for even asking us to bring someone while she was on probation. The point isn’t the act itself, it’s that over all, Elisa could not be relied upon or trusted. (incidentally, Farrah and her friends all hung out on the bus with us at those shows, and we had no problem with it even though technically Elisa had prohibited herself from bringing people up. I know it’s trivial, but I just want people to understand that this was an overall problem and I refuse to be portrayed as some cruel monster.)
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:01 pm
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Part II of the really REALLY long. bulletin. Dammit, Gabe! xp
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could just go on and on with petty arguments, but Im sure you can tell that I am hurt by this situation more so than angry or anything like that.
She’s right here too. They are really petty as well as dishonest and manipulative. But I do believe that she is really hurt by this situation so I am doing my best to not reply in an aggressive manner.
So many are thinking reading this, why didnt you quit?I would have never quit that band. Ever. I believe in people. I used to believe, if you do good for someone, and if you are unconditionally nice to someone, it comes back to you. I believed that eventually they would see that I am a nice and caring person and do not deserve that constant attack on who I am. Even when everyone was cruel the whole day to me, I would still talk nicely about them to fans and support them in all my actions and interviews.
Well obviously that only lasted in so long as she had hope for being in the band. Because once she realized that we had made our decision, her niceties wore off pretty quickly and here we are.
I think it’s really important to note here how unreasonable her point is above. She just glosses over this, and I actually missed it the first few times reading through, but really: why didn’t she quit? If the situation was as bad as she is making it seem now, then what kind of person would have stood for that? And for what reason? Because she believed in people??!?! She endured our abuse because she believed in us? How can you believe in someone that is abusing you? Is she seriously trying to suggest here that because she is such a saint, and believes in people, that she endured months of horrible abuse? No, I’m sorry. If you think about this for a minute, it just doesn’t make sense. A reasonable person can’t believe that anyone would stay in a band in the face of so much abuse. I mean, maybe if someone was paying you a million dollars you would shut up and take it, but out of your own good will? Because you believe in the idea of people helping people you stay in an abusive band? It just doesn’t seem plausible. As I’ve stated above, the reality is that Elisa was having a hard time on tour, which caused her to behave inappropriately with a complete lack of judgment or consideration. And in turn, when she was criticized about her behavior, she did not know how to handle it.
We have never said a bad word about Elisa (we may have had complaints about her, but those were personal band issues, and not something we would ever use to make her look bad in public), and still today we are not trying to harm her. We are supporting her and hope that those of you who know her will too. Having said that, what she is saying above is just not true. Of course she never said anything bad about us in interviews (does she deserve a commendation for that?), but we were told by several people that she was inappropriately discussing details about the band and gossiping about us. And of course I confronted her about this and was met only with excuses and explanations (until of course she was fired and then she promised to never talk about us again. I hope you can see a pattern starting to develop here)
[It’s ironic that she talks about being “nice” here too. Because she would always proclaim how “nice” she was when she would argue she was being unfairly criticized (of course, I hope I have shown above that our criticisms of her were not unfair or without merit—they were not a form of abuse nor a vehicle for abuse. We all have lives and have better things to do with ourselves than sit around abusing someone.). And my response to her was that “nice” is great, but it only goes so far. It is only something that is on the surface, and what is more important is to be honest and dependable and to have integrity. ]
You have to understand, none of us wanted this to happen. Elisa was a great benefit to the band musically and onstage. But unfortunately, she was defiant, arrogant, and simply not a part of the team. That is not to say that she wasn’t “nice.” Anyone who would meet her would say how “nice” she was. It’s just that internally, she was constantly throwing wrenches into the machine in one form or another. And after a while, when someone is so blatantly trying to sabotage you*, you can no longer make excuses for them. Especially when other members of the band threaten to quit because of her.
* and I honestly believe that she was not consciously trying to sabotage us; that they were really unconscious manifestations of her insecurities and her hardships on the road--that she really did have good intentions. But as they say: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
So if I didnt quit, what happened you ask? Well, I found out I was replaced 3 ways. The first way, is that one of the band members girlfriends told me they were rehearsing without me, and if I was smart, I would get my instruments.
First of all, you have to realize that the notion she is trying to put forth here—that she had no clue her position in the band was in jeopardy—is just simply untrue and fundamentally flawed. I mean, does she expect that no one is going to remember that she was kicked out of the band on tour and allowed to remain after begging to be put on probation? Everyone knew about that! Ask any band we were on tour with. And if it has to come to it, like I said, I have the letter she wrote herself. For her to omit that is SO dishonest. And I really hope she doesn’t try to deny it now.
Anyway, after we got back from Christmas/New Year’s break, we got together without her (this was about the 8th of January). We had to decide what we were going to do with her. If we weren’t going to keep her, would we get another girl to be in the band? Who would it be? How would we find someone? Etc. etc. But we also had to write and record a new song for the Ninja Turtles movie that needed to be finished on the 15th. So we put off making a decision about Elisa for a few days and decided to work on the new song without her. Even though we were probably all leaning towards the same conclusion, at this point WE HAD NOT YET PRACTICED WITH ANYONE NEW. Ryland’s girlfriend told Elisa that we were getting together and practicing, and Elisa just assumed we had already replaced her. But the truth was that it was just the four of us working on our new song (this is a fact. And I know that Elisa knows it is, because her friend, who is working on a DVD for us, came to film us recording our new song and he told her that it was just the four of us. If she doesn’t believe us, she can check the video. There was no one else with us at the studio.) So then she started freaking out. I sent her a text saying we needed to get together to discuss her status in the band, and her exact response to me back was “you haven’t spoken to me in 4 months, I can’t imagine what you’d have to say to me now.” Then all of a sudden she refused to talk to anyone in the band or anyone at our management company. And would only talk to our manager through “her proxy.” Swear to God. Her exact words.
So yeah, at that point we just realized that it was completely inevitable.
It was almost like a pride thing for her. Like: she felt that it was coming, but she was (and still is) refusing to talk about it. I guess she thinks this is a better way to handle it. God bless.
The only thing she can say with any truth is that we were talking to and considering other people. Listen, of course we were going to talk to other people. We told her so on tour! I mean how did she think that the girl we flew out to replace her in the middle of tour get there? It was a well-known explicit fact that we were discussing other options and that her future with us was unclear, if not completely on the rocks. I’m not saying that it’s nice. Parting ways with someone is never nice, but for her to postulate that she was completely in the dark and acted against behind her back is completely absurd.
The second way was the merchandising girl "accidentally" texted me, "Does Elisa know she was replaced?"
This was way after she had refused to talk to us. And it sucks that our merch person got involved.
The third, and most hurtful way, is a very nice person actually emailed me the new press photos of the new keytar player with cobra starship.
This past Friday, after one of our first jams with a girl we had found, we all went to this FHM party. We were photographed with her (Victoria) at the party. This is not called a press photo. We have not taken any press photos with Victoria yet. But again, this was LAST FRIDAY. It’s been weeks that Elisa has refused to talk to anyone, and she has refused to agree on a way of exiting that would have been graceful for both parties. And therefore now I have to type up this whole megillah. Oy vey!
So you can imagine how hurtful that would be, to not have been told by Gabe, or the management, but replaced with them keeping the instruments I have paid for, letting the other girl use them?
*double sigh* Elisa’s instruments have been waiting to be collected by her at the Crush offices. She was told that. Moreover, she sent us an invoice (??) for her gear (so did she want her stuff or not? I don’t get it). I told my “proxy” to let her “proxy” know that we appreciate her offer, but we don’t need her gear because I had already bought our own MONTHS AGO when we were initially considering firing her. I’m sure she’s not familiar with the name of it, but I bought the same Roland AX-7 Keytar Elisa uses from my friend Amanda of the band Fiasco. (Amanda actually played keyboards at a couple of Midtown shows right before FWYK came out.) You can contact Amanda through her website to confirm this fact www.completefiasco.com (you should go there anyway because her band rules). I really hope I don’t have to apologize for buying gear without running it by Elisa. I may be a lot of things, but one thing I am not is a thief.
And when I was told the whole band got paid except me?And to find out on the internet?
Huh? Where on the internet does it say that the whole band got paid except for her? I would love to see that website. Do they keep records on other bands’ finances as well? The only reason Elisa knows about any payments is because WE TOLD HER. It is true, we’ve all already gotten paid, but that is because we are not ignoring each other’s phone calls. But moreover, we did not give Elisa her money at the same time because we had to make a decision first. That is, we knew it would either have to be a “good job, can’t wait for the next tour,” or “good job, I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” We would have liked to have given it to her in person and discussed the situation, the reasoning, and her future like civilized people, but again, she refused to talk to us. The only reason she knows anything about money is because we told our “proxy” to tell her “proxy” that we wanted to give her 30% MORE than what the other guys were getting because she would not be continuing with the band. We are still waiting to be able to settle this and pay her. Elisa, tell your proxy to set something up yo.
I did this for Gabe, because I believed in him, and he obviously didnt believe in me enough to tell me that I was fired.
Uhhh….that doesn’t even make sense. Does she mean that I didn’t have enough respect for her to tell her she was fired? Anyway, I think I adequately addressed the issue of her supposedly being in the dark at length above. Poor, poor Elisa. Everyone is ganging up on her and she is just an innocent victim. I know this is really corny, but this reminds me of story my dad told me when I was younger about something his dad had told him when he was younger and getting into fights. Apparently, my dad had been getting sent to the principal’s office daily for fighting with other kids. And when my grandfather asked him about the first fight, my dad blamed the other kid. So my grandfather said
“ok, well what about this second fight?
“Oh, well that was Eddie’s fault.”
“ok fine,” responded my gramps, “well what about yesterday’s fight?
“oh this other kid started that one.”
“well then, how about today’s?
“that one is also Sammy’s fault”
Then my grandfather finally said, “Diego listen, I can understand if you tell me that one fight was someone else’s fault. And maybe I can also believe you if you say the second fight wasn’t your fault either. But it’s unreasonable to assume that you are just a victim in all these fights! You must have some level of fault somewhere!”
Again, that’s super corny, but I think everyone can understand my point. One should approach with scrutiny a person who is claiming to have been the innocent victim over and over again in every situation, and who admits NO fault of their own. It’s suspect, to say the least. It’s easy to let Elisa’s words tug at you emotionally. Her pain after all, is real, and you can’t help but feel sympathy for her (placing blame however is futile and childish). And it may be even easier to imagine a scenario where a bunch of mean boys are constantly picking on a helpless girl. But ********, we’re all adults here. No one is in high school. I mean, Nate just got out of high school and he’s the most mature one of all of us. Seriously no one wanted to fight with or abuse Elisa. (nor wants to now—and even though I have to write this crap, I still would rather not be in this position)
Believe me I want to go into greater detail, but I do not want my anger to take control of me. See, I still know inside that this apparently was not the right situation for me, but I kept holding on to it because I loved the people I was meeting, and I loved playing music.
One last note, just to show alittle bit of what this experience has been for me. When I saw those pics of the new band, I called Gabe and asked him if I was replaced, to he then replied, "Dude, Im ******** sick of your gossiping."
Wow. What a liar. I would love to see a phone bill which shows that she called me last week after the FHM party (where the picture with Victoria was taken). In fact, if she can show me that phone bill, I will apologize and write her a check for $1000 for being wrong. Nevertheless, she must be able to read minds or something because she’s 100% right: I am totally sick of her ******** gossiping.
Once again I am deeply saddened by the recent events regarding this band and I just dont know really how to express it in a way where others can understand my point of view or my shock or my disappointment. Anyone that has any questions can contact me at Elisanna@aol.com.
Again, really sad that she did not know how to express herself in a way that was better than this.
I can’t believe all of this drama I have to deal with. Ugh. But I’m glad to be done with it. Again, I hope that we can stop this thing and not have to drag it on and on. I fail to see how this could come out positively for anyone involved. The only point of public fights like these is to perpetuate pain. And I am not interested in causing or receiving pain (but I can take it if that’s what needs to happen). I did this band to have fun and escape the drama. Save the drama fo’ yo mama!
Once again, we are not trying to make people choose sides. It is blatantly obvious that Elisa is trying to turn people against us, but we want only for people to support her in whatever she does next. If you take away only one thing from reading this (and that is if you’ve even made it this far—and if you have: thanks!), it should be that in any situation there is not just one truth—there are several sides to any story.
And speaking of several sides, I want to throw Ryland’s and Alex’s reactions into the mix, because this really isn’t a personal issue.
RY-RY:
I have learned a great many things since I joined the Cobras. I had never been on tour before and I'd never played in front of more than 100 people. Similarly, Elisa was a newcomer to the music industry. We were both in the same position. After about a week, I got the hang of it. To be honest, it's a pretty easy job. Wake up, load in, set up, play mario kart, soundcheck, watch Willow, shred, meet fans, watch Willow again(battle scenes) then fall asleep with my clothes on. The next morning, you wake up and do it all over again. Basically, it's pretty tough to mess up. Now while Elisa was by far the most accomplished musician in the band, she wasn't able to grasp the more fundamental tasks involved with the job. IE: loading in, setting up and showing up for sound check. We didn't expect her to carry 200 lb amps in four-inch heels, but we did expect her to do little things like show up, turn off her amp at the end of the night and not invite strangers on the bus and leave them unattended. Needless to say, she couldn't get the hang of it.
Ultimately, towards the end of the tour, we asked her to leave the band which was a real bummer because she really tried her best and was passionate about playing music. She just didn't do her job. Plain and simple. She begged to have her position back and we let her stay with us on probationary terms for the remainder of the dates. Things were looking much better for a few days. She was on time for sound check, she was sober etc. But she quickly began making the same mistakes. Thus, finalizing our decision to let her go. There was no underlying hatred or scandal. She just didn't do her job. It's a shame, as she was extremely talented. I wish her luck with anything she sets her heart on.
-R
Suarez Sez:
Elisa - I know you feel as though this situation was handled poorly on our end, even though we (the guys) discussed this situation and came to a conclusion. I think that YOU handled it poorly as well. It is unfair that you only state half of the story and lead people to believe the wrong things (example - having to follow the bus in a car with your friend). We all tried very hard from day 1 to teach you how being in a band works. It's also a problem that you never made any effort to learn.
When you were fired during tour, you were given a probation period to redeem yourself in which YOU made a list of YOUR rules that you would not break for the remainder of the tour. You not only broke every single rule on that list, but you made no attempt whatsoever to rebuild your status in the band. Being shocked that you are no longer with us seems futile at this point. You should have known by our reaction to the fact that YOU were not respecting YOUR own rules.
It is unfair that you drag other people that aren't even in our band into your situation and use them as scapegoats to prove your point. As tempting as it is to say you constantly lie, I will just go ahead and say that you are a master of stretching the truth or manipulating the truth into your favor. I do not appreciate that you have made an attempt to make us all look bad strictly by using your shady half of the story. We offered our services to help you with your solo career, which was your main motivation. I also don't appreciate you trying to call Ryland and I out on using Cobra Starship to build Ivy League. In fact Gabe promotes us more than we take any effort to exploit the fact that we are in Cobra Starship. Gabe is well aware of our efforts and hard work that we put into Cobras and that’s exactly how he knows where we stand with him.
As he always states "actions speak louder than words".
Your recent actions just continue to prove that you stretch the truth, not only to the Cobra fans, but to your friends and your family.
Good luck with your solo career, we wish you only the best.
After all- "It's all about you"
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:03 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 5:48 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:19 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:13 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:31 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 3:07 pm
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Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 5:29 am
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Friendly Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 5:48 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:33 pm
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