Poetry

[LunaticBelle]

I'm not that good, so please cut me some slack sweatdrop . However honesty is appreciated.

My heart is lost within this fog
Can you help me to find it?
The cold hard rain is relentless

My heart of ice may shatter
Numbing me to your warmth
I feel so small my voice is lost

If you stumble on my heart
Please
Don't break it  

[Lord_Skyy]

Awwww... That's so cute. biggrin I think you could make it a bit longer and still retain the atmosphere. Just keep your word choice 'innocent'. Remove the "to" in your second line and I think it'll flow better.  

[`Lenzor]

LunaticBelle

I'm not that good, so please cut me some slack sweatdrop . However honesty is appreciated.

My heart is lost within this fog
Can you help me to find it?
The cold hard rain is relentless

My heart of ice may shatter
Numbing me to your warmth
I feel so small my voice is lost

If you stumble upon my heart
While you wander through the storm
Please
Don't break it

Don't worry about it, your poem is excellent. As long as you can feel some sort of emotion in a poem that's what counts. Anything can really be a poem.  

[LunaticBelle]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply 3nodding  

[LunaticBelle]

Lord_Skyy

Awwww... That's so cute. biggrin I think you could make it a bit longer and still retain the atmosphere. Just keep your word choice 'innocent'. Remove the "to" in your second line and I think it'll flow better.

I knew I should have made it longer crying 4laugh . I just couldn't think of more lines after that. I was kind of sad and just started writing it. Then I got happier and the feeling was lost.  

[hippiepoet1964]

I liked the brevity of the piece. It was simplistic and sweet. I think you did great on it.  

[LunaticBelle]

I edited it a little. The third line of the last stanza didn't fit the rythm of the rest of the poem.  

[Wolfie Kid]

I think it's quite a thoughtful little poem. It's short, I admit, but that's what makes it nice: it's simple, yet complicated at the same time. Nice touch.  

[Gachetemas]

I think these should three separate poems. The imagery in the stanzas are too different. They feel separate. Not connected. They're fine poems, though.

Man. It must be frustrating when you can't think of what to say. I guess if you want longer poems, it is better to just spill your guts and hope for the best. Then you can edit. That way you won't lose good thoughts.