Seven Little Birds

[x_Chromatic Zelda_x]

One foggy morning, while I crawled out of bed,
As I waited for the world's demise,
I saw something strange, but decided to lay down my head.
I heard a noise and up I looked, hoping to silence those annoying cries.

There were seven little birds out my window, six robins, and a crow.
I glared at them, wishing them to die,
Those loud, stupid birds, sitting all in a row.
Five of those birds cried out and fell fry the sky.

Two birds left, the crow and one robin,
Neither was silent, and I wanted to scream.
I stood at my window, with my head a-throbbin',
Glaring daggers at those birds, my temper starting to teem.

I bashed at the window, begging them to be silent,
Their screeching grew louder, and I wished my ears would bleed.
I was screaming back at them with my all until I was spent,
As I fell to the floor, they halted their crying, letting me go back to sleep.

A few hours later, that same foggy morning, but a little less foggy,
I woke and found in my room, one of those dumb little terds.
The crow pecked at my arm, and I gurgled with distaste, still groggy.
I died there that day, with all of those seven wretched, lovely birds.

- Demented Pandora (Yoko)

Tell me what you think?

Edited! Three times! (Would that be thrice?)  

[Lord_Skyy]

I'd like to laugh out loud. It's very nicely done. Demented, in the nicest way possible. xd You do have a lot of syllables in each of your third and fourth lines and that kills your rhyme scheme... Clever repetition of foggy at both the beginning and end. Make it flow! ~~~~  

[x_Chromatic Zelda_x]

Lord_Skyy

I'd like to laugh out loud. It's very nicely done. Demented, in the nicest way possible. xd You do have a lot of syllables in each of your third and fourth lines and that kills your rhyme scheme... Clever repetition of foggy at both the beginning and end. Make it flow! ~~~~

Oh, whups. ^^; I'll see if I can't shorten those ones.

But why laugh out loud? Sorry, easily confused.

Thanks for your input!  

[Lord_Skyy]

I laugh at the repetition of "foggy" and "wretched", which voice the witty hatred for those birds. I'm sorry if it's not supposed to be funny, but I'm just amused by your word choice and style. I taste a distinct sense of humour there. biggrin  

[OptimisticallyPessimistic]

I really liked it. Sortof like a limerick to me, but not in limerick form.
But in the first verse, the third line? I think you should change it to where it says, like, '.....I decided to lay back down my head.' Or something like that, but using 'bed' again in the same verse just makes it seem repetitive. I liked it alot though! It was very.........I'm not sure what it was! sweatdrop But it was something good!  

[x_Chromatic Zelda_x]

Lord_Skyy

I laugh at the repetition of "foggy" and "wretched", which voice the witty hatred for those birds. I'm sorry if it's not supposed to be funny, but I'm just amused by your word choice and style. I taste a distinct sense of humour there. biggrin

Ah. Thanks! ^^;; I didn't even notice that when I was writing, to be honest.  

[x_Chromatic Zelda_x]

OptimisticallyPessimistic

I really liked it. Sortof like a limerick to me, but not in limerick form.
But in the first verse, the third line? I think you should change it to where it says, like, '.....I decided to lay back down my head.' Or something like that, but using 'bed' again in the same verse just makes it seem repetitive. I liked it alot though! It was very.........I'm not sure what it was! sweatdrop But it was something good!

Thank you! I like that idea...I wasn't too happy about the "bed...bed" thing either...I just couldn't think of what to do with it.

Thanks a lot for your input, I'm glad you liked it!  

[OptimisticallyPessimistic]

No prob! mrgreen