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First poem entered I would Like your feedback and opinions. |
It good |
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I like it. |
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It's great. |
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It's okay. |
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Could use some work. |
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Total Votes : 1 |
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:18 am
Promise What should I do, when I cannot understand this all. The secret that we hide, the pain it brings just burns.
I am drawing in this rain, all the tears just dried up to dust. The ache inside just grows, and I know it has to do with this. I cannot speak this to anyone, but it tears me apart. The truth just screams to be heard and to be spoken out to all.
I cannot tell you this, the feeling inside i hide They just grow and hurt to be held, inside so tightly buried. The heart cannot hold out forever, and remain alone without you. I am falling apart and spiraling out of control. The confusion is tearing me inside, this secret.
I know it must remain hidden, from them, but it hurts to lie. I know i can trust you, but they'd never understand this. The feeling and what we have, is somthing unusual. But to me, with you, this is a second home.
I cannot reveal this to anyone, the feeling deep inside. They just grow hurting more with everyday, inside so buried away The heart will not hold out forever when restrained and hurting. I am falling apart, becoming unseen and just an illusion. The confusion is tearing me apart, this secrect we hide.
What should i do, i cannot understand this all The secret that we hide, the pain it brings just burns.
I am drowning in this rain, all the tears just dried up to dust. The ache inside just grows, and I know it has to do with this. I cannot speak this to anyone, but it tears me apart, telling lies The truth just screams to be heard and to be spoken out.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:20 pm
Don't make me go Yami on you and tell you to capitalise those I's!
I liked because I could identify with it. But the language was a little cloudy. Oh, well.
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 2:00 am
sweatdrop Thank you. Yes, I noticed afterwards that I needed to capitalize my I's. Thanks for reading it though.
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