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| Did my poem translate the message to the reader in an artful and pleasing manner? |
| Yes, your poem did. |
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100% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
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 Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:56 pm
Pressure
Tony Davis
Distress, Depression, Anxiety
Inside the pressure deadens as it grows
I wish to feel
To embrace my sadness
My tears are blocked
I need my tears
Where will I live?
Where will I turn?
Why has my family forsaken me?
Why do they say they love me, when they refuse to stop hurting me?
I have no home, I cannot feel
It’s all inside, deadening, numbing as it grows.
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:12 pm
While your poem was good... I think it needed something. Though, I can't put my finger on exactly what. It might have been the length or you needed stronger words. Still, it was a good poem.
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:16 pm
I liked it, but in some parts it did seem like it could have been thought about a little more, such as :-
''My tears are blocked
I need my tears''
It didn't sit right as I read it...
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:46 pm
I think the poem was very good. It showed such emotion that I could almost feel what you were feeling as you wrote it.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:04 pm
Electrash I liked it, but in some parts it did seem like it could have been thought about a little more, such as :-
''My tears are blocked
I need my tears''
It didn't sit right as I read it... I sort of agree, when I read that part it was a little awkward, and I think there could've been more creativity in expressing that part, but it was nothing if not good, and nonetheless was a good poem.
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