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 Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:21 pm
::THought's Of The Insane::
((meant to be read at a fast pace))
Scream and fall
And fall and scream
These padded walls are fun
Running running running
In these circles of being paranoid
I stop when the voices tell me to
They do it all the time
Padding padding padding
Oh the padded walls are fun
I bounce around and fall right down
And love remembering what I've done
Oh bash his face
Oh bash his face
The blood means he's alive
The voices in my head talk to me
And I know that they are right
I smacked the head with the shovel I had
And oh he begins to bleed
The butthole called me crazy
The voices tell me otehrwise
I laugh at how much he needs
The ones that call
Me Crazy arE
out To get Me
JusT THe SAme
As all ThE PeOPLe pROBinG
My
miND
IM NO T IN SA NE
i'mnotinsane
The voices tell me so while
The ONeS iN whiTE hoLD Me DoWn
And I fall asleep
AgAIn.
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 3:25 pm
I like it a lot. But I think a few improvements could be made. Quote: Oh bash his face Oh bash his face The blood means he's alive The voices in my head , they talk to me And I know that they are right To make it flow better. Quote: IM NO T IN SA NE i'mnotinsane The voices tell me so while The ONeS iN whiTE hoLD Me DoWn And I fall asleep AgAIn. The last one's good, but I don't quite like something about it. I know it's supposed to be all disheveled and mixed up, but it just doesn't seem right to me.
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:01 pm
demented pandora I like it a lot. But I think a few improvements could be made. Quote: Oh bash his face Oh bash his face The blood means he's alive The voices in my head , they talk to me And I know that they are right To make it flow better. Quote: IM NO T IN SA NE i'mnotinsane The voices tell me so while The ONeS iN whiTE hoLD Me DoWn And I fall asleep AgAIn. The last one's good, but I don't quite like something about it. I know it's supposed to be all disheveled and mixed up, but it just doesn't seem right to me. It's meant to be really random. There is supposed to be no pattern to it. It was meant to be a bunch of thoughts of the insane. Yeah, that last part bugged me a bit. I figured I might as well put it in there to make things sound finished. Thanks for the critique. biggrin I always enjoy getting advice. biggrin
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:37 pm
EmpathicPrince demented pandora I like it a lot. But I think a few improvements could be made. Quote: Oh bash his face Oh bash his face The blood means he's alive The voices in my head , they talk to me And I know that they are right To make it flow better. Quote: IM NO T IN SA NE i'mnotinsane The voices tell me so while The ONeS iN whiTE hoLD Me DoWn And I fall asleep AgAIn. The last one's good, but I don't quite like something about it. I know it's supposed to be all disheveled and mixed up, but it just doesn't seem right to me. It's meant to be really random. There is supposed to be no pattern to it. It was meant to be a bunch of thoughts of the insane. Yeah, that last part bugged me a bit. I figured I might as well put it in there to make things sound finished. Thanks for the critique. biggrin I always enjoy getting advice. biggrin That last part bugs me too, but I wouldn't do anything to it. That bugging feeling actually kind of adds to the overall emotion that it invokes.
It's really up to you, but I wouldn't add in the ", they" part, it seems kind of jumbled to me with that and throws off the pace that you've indicated.
All in all, I really like it. Probably because I should be in an asylum myself. xD
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:01 am
Wow... that's quite a good poem. It really puts you in the mind of someone who seems vunerable and confused... and insane... but all the same it does create a sense of calm madness... if there is such a thing... neutral
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:21 am
Yes. Calm maddness does exist. It's called insanity. XD
Calm maddness is another term for WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *takes breath* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xd
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:22 am
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 7:36 pm
Weeeeee! Insanity rules the world. We're all insane inside. Sigmund Freud!
MEEP!
Pardon the randomness. A cookie for you, good sir. domokun
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 9:42 am
You guys are really weird... I like you! blaugh
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:12 pm
This ... was sickly .... AWSOME! heart
Rose
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lady_ruler_of_the_zombies
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:32 am
I like it! It reminds me of when the men in white lab coats came for me. Just kidding! Honestly though, it's a good poem, i like it. Here are my favorite parts
Oh the padded walls are fun
I bounce around and fall right down
And love remembering what I've done
and
The ones that call
Me Crazy arE
out To get Me
JusT THe SAme
As all ThE PeOPLe pROBinG
My
miND
IM NO T IN SA NE
i'mnotinsane
The voices tell me so while
The ONeS iN whiTE hoLD Me DoWn
And I fall asleep
AgAIn.
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 8:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:08 am
Awww... don't mention it! blaugh
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:00 pm
Lord_Skyy Weeeeee! Insanity rules the world. We're all insane inside. Sigmund Freud! MEEP! Pardon the randomness. A cookie for you, good sir. domokun I'm insane too!!! :O:O I reek insanity. Because I'm insane I am sane! doesn't make sense? Let me explain. I am insane, all the time. Thus, insanity is my way of being sane, therefore being sane to me would be insane! get it? yeah smile
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:13 am
It's okay: as a fellow sane lunatic, I understand.
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