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 Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:38 am
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OK. Here are a few poems of mine. Critique them, and tell me what you think.
Pluto and Neptune
Pluto spins her untrusting sphere
The blue Neptune watches ever near
Sad that he could never speak
To the woman spinning in her keep
For he did try spinning her way
But in one spot, she could not stay
The moment he would come near
She would suddenly disappear
So now he spins, sits and waits
For the lonely girl to open her gates
So he could enter ever so slowly
And end her days of endless roaming
Love of silver
Sorrow is filled with silver,
Tomorrow is filled with silver,
Laughter is filled with silver,
Acidic tears filled with silver!
This world we live in is silver,
Flesh eating piranhas of silver!
We awake in this world of silver,
Blood thirsty slugs of silver!
We’ll suck on your brain of silver,
Your brain we will drain of silver,
We’ll cackle hellishly silver,
This world we will reign in silver!
We’ll use our chains of silver,
We’ll whip you in ways of silver,
You’ll learn our ways of silver,
Cry acidic tears of silver!
Your sorrow writhes in silver,
I’ll laugh at your terror of silver,
You’ll mourn to me in silver,
I’ll whisper my love to you in silver.
I’ll burlesque your hate in silver,
I’ll imitate your struggle in silver,
If you mate with me in silver,
I’ll hesitate to kill you in silver!
Colored Love
She’s in yellow
He’s in green
She whispers “Never”
He gives her a ring
“I’ll win you over”
Smiling, she disagrees
She’s in pink
He’s in white
She whispers “I do”
He stands by her side
“I do, too”
Gladly, she begins to cry
She’s in blue
He’s in black
She whispers “I’m sorry”
He casts her aside
“I’ll never forgive you”
Sadly, she begins to cry
She’s in black
He’s in red
She whispers “I loved you”
He blankly stares
And no longer stands
As the gun drops from her guilty hands
The Battlefield
Beware, ants, for I have come! I’m your worst nightmare!
I turn over the cup of swamp water
And watch the water lift you up
As I run for more
In the evil battlefield, I run for my ammo
When in comes a brand new species
I’ve never seen before
It holds new torture victims
It spoke in odd tongues to me
“Play Barbie with me!” It whined
“I do not speak your language, evil monster!
But thanks for the new victims!”
I snatch the victims from her hand
In shock she cries out, “Johnny stop it!”
“Whatever THAT means,” I say and run off evilly
To find more flood water
Oh! I have an idea! And run back to the enemies camp
Drop my pants and pee. The flood water once again
Lifts my enemies! I shrug, my work is finally done!
It was water, after all.
I take my new victims and go to the guillotine
Before I could announce their crimes
Mom yells out, “Johnny, come here!”
I lower my head in defeat,
The police have finally come.
Drat.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:47 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:55 pm
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The Future is Yours to Choose
The clouds hang high
Mocking and teasing the world
Taking shapes of animals, flowers,
And many other things
I rip my gaze away from their game of charades
Animals run, frolic, yell, and scream
Like children playing tag
The birds call out
Mothers yelling at their children to return home
The flowers fight in their rivalry
Against those evil weeds
They argue amongst each other
Claiming their perfume to be better,
Their petals more beautiful,
And their stems more firm.
The hectic life of teenagers.
The trees sway, speaking wisely
Explaining that beauty isn’t everything
These old grandmothers spread wise words
Carried hopelessly in the wind
In one rose thorn and out the other
Rocks stand firm in their evil quest
To persuade a flower to do their evil bidding
Which way will the young flower grow?
We can only hope it chooses the right path
And we, the gates
Who watch and wait
We allow the choices to be your own
But when your time comes
Is it we who choose
Were you good?
Perhaps you have earned it
Perhaps you will become…
The next wise tree
Or perhaps not
Are you the sleazy snake?
Or the stubborn rock--or
Do you act a teenage flower?
The future is yours to choose
Untame
It was a pleasure to burn
And I thank you
And now revenge will be bitter sweet
You burned me with a glance
I stopped you with a stare
As I slowly stepped forward
Close your eyes
Say goodbye
Hold your breath
Taste my kiss
The taste of death
Be reborn
Ripped and torn
A rippling pleasure
Sin and more
Close your eyes
Wait for a surprise
The wrack of pain
Pleasure untamed
*The first sentence in Untame was given to me, I had to make a poem out of it.
Insane Mistakes
They think we’re all the same
But we think in our own ways
While doing our own things
Nails rake across my brain; I’ve completely gone insane
But we think in our own ways
My brain bleeds in shame; I refuse to take the blame
Nails rake across my brain; I’ve completely gone insane
You’re doing your own thing
My brain bleeds in shame; I refuse to take the blame
I blame all your fame
You’re doing your own thing
You say “We’ve made mistakes”
They think we’re all the same
I blame all your fame
You say “We’ve made mistakes”
While doing our own things
Life in Wonderland
The rabbit states
Life is like a clock
You never have enough time
And are always running late
For a very important date
Alice argues
Life is like a play
You write out your life
Your own way
If you make a mistake
Make a new line
And hope no one will notice
The mad hatter giggles
Life is like a party
A glass of tea
Solves everything
Especially with presents
And celebrating happy non-birthdays
Parties are welcome in my direction
The Cheshire cat grins
Life is like a game
It takes a hint
And a riddle
Nobody knows the rules
But everyone must play
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:15 am
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WildWildWindWhisperer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:28 am
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Yay more poems by me! Hehe. Ok, Voodoo Slave was made in class for a project.
Voodoo Slave
I clean his headquarters
I clean his room
Cook his food
“I’ll be going, see you soon”
Out he walks, I continue with the broom
Dinner time
I walk to his room
Set down his plate
He doesn’t even acknowledge his food
I return to slave quarters
Sit on my rock-hard bed
Play with my voodoo
My African religion rituals swirl within my head
Make him suffer
A needle to the knee
Scream in pain
A needle to the head
Until I am free, He’ll be in bed
Eggs and bacon, in his room
“Good morning, master”
“Going to the doctors, see you soon”
Comes home announces he is fine
Doctor said “No problem with your spine”
Off to war, he begins to go
I await, with my voodoo in his home
I cast my ritual so I can see
He cocks the gun, hand on the trigger
The needle to his temple, I begin to shiver
Push it right through, he buckles and screams
The enemies find him, shoot, he bleeds
I grab my things…Today, I’m free
Not too crazy about this one, but, creative writing class gives us some assignments that makes us have our moments.
Wretched Pen
Sighing frustrated,
She sets down her pen with a ‘clink’
Crumbling her paper, she practically growls
Another paper flies I her direction
Swoosh, it turns midair and she makes her correction
Creaking in is whiney manner
The chair complains as weight is lifted
She walks diligently to the paper,
She bends down with a groan
Rising, she raises her finger toward the paper
Giving it something to contemplate on
The paper flops down, hurt
As she set it down.
She reaches for her pen reluctantly
It twists angrily from her grasp
Rolls itself to the edge of the desk
And like a lemming, it throws itself off the cliff
Home - Sans Regret
Home.
Built of stone
Made from lovers’ sweat
Cuts, bruises, and past regrets
We didn’t have a garden
I’ll regret it no more
We lacked the childhood swings
I’ll regret it no more
Mountain.
Where our home will be placed
With a beautiful little fountain
Which I’ll watch when problems must be faced
We didn’t have the snow
I’ll close those regretful doors
We didn’t have the river
I’ll close those regretful doors
Dog.
The pet we never had
Someone who will be there
When my husband makes me mad
Someone else to show I care
Home.
Home to stay. It’s a promise
I’m coming back. Like I promised.
Walking through the woods. Exhausted.
I’m coming home to stay. It’s a promise
It’s hard to see clearly, as my eyelids weigh a ton. They attempt to shut.
Walking through the woods. Exhausted.
It is dusk out. Night’s darkness fighting against me.
It’s hard to see clearly, as my eyelids weigh a ton. They attempt to shut.
I stumble over roots. My feet are leaden weights.
It is dusk out. Night’s darkness fighting against me.
Closer now. I grimly attempt to quicken my pace.
I stumble over roots. My feet are leaden weights.
The path is clearing away. Time teases as she whispers ‘Just another day.’
I’m coming back. Like I promised.
Closer now. I grimly attempt to quicken my pace.
The path is clearing away. Time teases as she whispers ‘Just another day.’
I’m coming home to stay. It’s a promise.
This one was to prove to someone that I could, indeed, write a sappy poem, if I wanted to. Hmph.
Spelling Phrases
Walking hand in hand
Barefoot in the sand
Listening to the waves
The waters strength displays
The birds call out for food
The wind shifts in a happy mood
I’m laughing with you
Doing what we do
Now I lie awake at night
Staring at the starry sky
Wondering if you’re thinking of me
As you look out at the starry sea
I spell out my lucky phrase
To you, where I hope it stays
Keep in mind the words “I do”
Keep in mind that “I love you”
The next two poems I actually wrote in 2003, when I was having a lot of emotional problems. But I'm all better now, of course. But I'm curious what others think about them. redface
Darkness
Darkness surround me,
Darkness inside me,
Darkness confide me.
Darkness came to me,
Darkness wouldn’t leave me,
Darkness joined me.
Together we conjured hatred,
We formed suicide,
We created betrayal.
We are a team,
We are anger,
We are evil.
With cheated turmoil,
We crushed the weak,
Devoured the strong,
And kept only those so loyal,
That they died along
With those we hated.
Shadows
You walk in the shadows,
Lonely and cold,
With no one to be there,
When your young or old.
Your family abandoned you,
When you were five,
Oh how you missed them. . .
Oh how you cried.
But now you are used to it,
Being alone,
Now your used to
Being so cold.
You’re a part of the shadows now,
Twisting and turning,
Those devil ideas
that are always churning.
Your ideas are gruesome,
Your actions innumerable,
Your never in the same place,
Nor wear the same face.
The shadows comfort you,
The shadows hide you,
The shadows feed you,
Heal you and save you,
They never derived you. . .
They are the voices. . .
That call you and tell you,
That created your hatred.
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 8:31 pm
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So I'm directing whoever likes writing poetry to Creative Communications it's for anyone who wants to enter poetry and try to get it published into poetry books. Just a small starter.
Heres something else. It's hard to keep it at a steady rate especially since I was trying to spell out Incubus.UnawareIn the middle of the night Narrowed eyes sparkling with delight Chortling to himself for he had found Under covers a sleeping girl, making no sound Before she could move or even wake, he Undressed her, followed by rape (though) She awoke, never aware, for he had left to his lair. this one is pretty twisted. I was upset for a friend, her boyfriend left her for another girl.The Beginning
ISo we say our goodbyes He turns and leaves I'm all alone now Why did he go I'm not perfect Yes I know But who can say "I am" So he found someone better She smiles and she laughs She walks my way and glares or stares What have I done now She took him from me Took my happiness like a thief So who is she to glare I lay my head on my pillow And they both come to mind I fall deep into sleep And dream my evil dream The Middle
II He walked by, off to work And I smiled to him He looked away with no remorse And I followed his gaze There she was Smiling back at him The pain in my heart I can't start to describe So I caught her alone I ripped her clothes Pulled her hair Tied her and took her home I made her feel my pain Only not in her heart--yet Slowly sliding the razor down her arms Shaving her hair and burning her fingers Oh this was only the beginning I laughed as she cried Did much more before she could die Only this I will not tell But before she was dead I stabbed her heart twice And sliced open her neck Soon after she complied to "rest" The End
III I woke up drenched In what I thought sweat But to my dismay The truth wasn't far away Looking down I found I was kneeling on the floor My arms were a crimson red My razor sat upon the floor Shortly ahead on top of my bed… She laid in my spot Painted red with her own blood The sad thing being I hate to say this…But… She was burned And smelled But that was not all That was all I saw Until I took a step forward That's when it hit This girl; this b***h Was cut in tiny pieces How sick was I? To cut her before she died And place her back together And all I was--was surprised Uhm, I'll stop explaining why I wrote poems.Guilty BlameThe story always turns around It always seems the same The guy is the one who ******** about The girls are driven insane And when they think about what was done They always think the same way Somehow in the end It is us we learn to blame All is LostWhat depicts depression? And when I’m lost, who will find me? If I reach out, will you find me? If all is lost, can it be found? Because I am lost, and all is lost. When blue turns to grey Is all lost? When I cry out your name and hear no response Is all lost? I am lost, will I be found? If I fall, will you catch me? Is all lost? Am I lost? Where am I? I am here, but all is gone. If all is gone, is all lost? I am lost. I reach out, but all is lost. All is lost. All is gone. I am lost. You are gone. Lost. SadomasochismThe water sways Slow in her dance The sand follows behind Caught in the seducers trail She beckons Wind blows He’s caught He groans The water plays Danger in her own games He’s in without doubt And has no way to get out She pulls His strings He falls He pleads She’s a b***h A major tease She pushes men away Just to wrap them in her waves And when he feels her push He comes running back He found lust in a rush From the sea, and she’s a wack He’s masochistic She’s rather sadistic But he could only take so much more That’s when she found him dead upon the floor |
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WildWildWindWhisperer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 7:38 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:35 pm
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Hey guys! Heres a few more of my poems. They are new, and just like most new poems, are in need of 100 rough drafts. Give me criticism!
Champions
We are champions
Out from the calling
Giving our all
Fighting, not falling
We are champions
Fighting old wars
We end what you started
Make you grovel on all fours
We are champions
Bragging’s our right
We tend to defend
When you start a fight
We are champions
Defending our lands
You’ll turn and flee
We’ll always be free
We are champions
No more to say
You’ll always try
To lead us astray
Living Purple
Eyes open, a thoughtful process
Sighing silently, feeling quite depressed and purple
Attempting to think of anything
But…
She smiled to me, laughing and talking
Never would I have expected…
With her lies that dripped beautifully purple
And I, gullibly, with my childish dreams,
Believed.
Not once did I see the swirl in her eyes
Nor did I recognize the purple tinted fibs fed to me
Like a virus entering my mind,
Settled within.
And she spun her web that glittered in purple
Ready to strike me with her vicious venom
I was never aware of her truculent plans.
Finally.
She opened her mouth, her words slithering out
She finally showed me her true colors
With her purple snake tongue that whispered sweet lies
Prickly pear sweet.
My heart stopped for a moment and fell to the floor
As my eyesight was consumed by shades of purple
And I let the color of fury embrace me
For once in her life she recognized fear
As the purple drained from her pale face and eyes
Never has there been a person filled with such violent anger
Vision is lost forever in fury
Living life giving demons nightmares
Fighting for sanity but busy losing my mind
Struggling unsucceeding but knowing
I'm not too lost, but fallen apart
An Egyptian pyramid, one brick at a time
Built around a life of purple
Professor Time
When you are a child, you wish that you could fly
To be an adult, eyeing Clock
When an adult, you are weary. Wishing to be young
No matter, you try to stop it, you grow old
All throughout life, we hate Time
Making new, thinking of old…our Memory
When older, our only friend is: Memory
We remember times we learned to fly
Our worst enemy, killing us slowly: Time
Knowing end is closer…Every tick from Clock
Eventually, we surrender: We are old
And only wish to believe we are young
So short is the length which we are young
We try “do”s and “don’t”s, tattooed into memory
Our lessons left on resting stones of old
Passed down stories to young, yet to fly
Eyes watching, hopeful, with each tick from Clock
Wanting to be older, hating suspense from Time
Who are we to question and hate professor Time
He taught me well when I was young
I know, don’t watch Clock
Focus more on memory
Even at this age, try to fly
Don’t dwell on “Oh god, I’m old”
You are not, unless you believe: Old
Although I do thank Time
For being He, taught me to fly
Even now, when not young
And twisting, Life into Memory
With his long and short arms, his protégé: Clock
As I look at Clock
I know He must be old
And carries many a memory
To which he runs to Time
I wonder, was he ever young
And if he’s learned to fly.
Still, today, I will fly
Pretending to be young
Hiding truth from all but one: My mentor, Time.
Seduction, the boy
Innocence, the girl
Seduction, the boy--
Known for his crimes
To all but one;
Innocence, the girl--
Bound, in fate--
To meet--and date
He watches-- and waits
She sees-- and thinks
She's shy-- but speaks
He's nervous-- but why?
She's mysterious-- he's "fly"
He speaks back-- so fast
She blushes-- walks past
He's scored-- for today
Tomorrow-- the same
A look-- a word
Third day-- his game
He's won-- a date
His idea-- to rape
But come, that day
he's captivated--sedated
Her innocence, so rare
His thoughts-- "Unfair!"
He couldn't--wouldn't rape
But who would have known--
His game, thought as his own
That night, she won--
His heart, his love--
Innocence-- her way
Of seducing him away
From his life: Seducing dames
The Walk
Two lovely lovers limped on by
A daring dog who danced. He said “Excuse me lively lady
And gent, I do like to do my dance.
Would you tell me your opinions? Give me a chance!”
He jigged his jig and danced his dance
His eyes flashed a challenge.
“My oh my! Lynching time!”
yawned the loathsome lady
“Walk this way, silly little male,
If you don’t get lost on this obtuse trail
You’ll meet a lonely lynch.
I’m sure the lonely lynch would like a laugh
Before he launched away.”
She laughed a laugh that wasn’t a laugh
But more so like a howl
Her lover grinned a cheesy grin,
he loved how she was foul.
They walked on by,
And shortly ahead a porcupine
Paced and panted.
He screamed a scream that seriously seemed
To make even the most corny computer crumble.
He opened his mouth to beg,
His face was covered with dread
“Help me, sir, and kind young lady! To catch the charred Chihuahua!
You see, we were playing a game to fight for our fame
When I caught the charred Chihuahua cheating.”
They gave him an odd stare,
But really didn’t care
So on they continued with their walk.
If you considered these odd things
You might question the next couple of beings.
Continuing on the next trail,
You’d swear your mind was derailed
For there was a caring cardboard box.
The caring cardboard box
Was washing little socks
But having a difficult time
Those skinny socks were singing a tune
Of the stars and the sky, and the sun and the moon
While on the side were a pair
Of dirty underwear
With nothing to do but be ugly
The socks whistled and sang
‘Til the couples’ ears rang
Making them change their pace
They wanted to get out of this place.
On did they walk until a phone barked
But all they heard was a ring
The loathsome lady walked to the phone with glee
“Excuse me loathsome ma’am,
But really I am
Not accustomed to this greeting.”
The things start to get weird
More than they appeared
She screamed and ran behind her lover,
Her man, who you’d expect to protect her from harm
The phony phone started fanning
For he was quite angry
With the pair that walked to him this day
“Excuse me loathsome ma’am, but he cannot hear me
I am a phony phone
And I’ve punished you both.
He will keep on walking
While you begin mocking
Any pair like you.
Others have told me of stories
Of how mean and demeaning you both seem”
The phony phone stopped fanning
He turned to the man and he began to walk away
The woman shriveled and shrank
Eventually turned into a gas tank,
Ready to explode at any moment.
Now she waddles and waits to explode
As she sits on the side of the road
Awaiting to see two lovers walking
She’ll waddle close and begin mocking
As she follows on their tail,
Pointing out all their flaws
Because they found this trail.
And she will not tell them of the phony phone
For their fate was left to them
Though, it is he who will condemn
The lovers for their crimes:
Whatever is wrong in the phoney phones eyes
I’m tired, why can’t we get along
I’m bitter, battered, bold
I’m freezing, flattered, won’t fold
I’m sad, scared, stunned
Tired of being carried, cattled, conned
I’m tired of lies, “love”, life
Tired of stories, starvation, strife
Why is life horrid, heavy, hard
Why is friendship fake, failing, flawed
Why is love rare, unrequited, repeating
Can’t I be myself, not you, you’re unfeeling
Can’t I be told the truth, not lies, unspoken
Can’t I hide my heart? From you, it’s broken
We whisper to others—stories; lies of the truths
We sew our seeds—Angry; becoming uncaring brutes
We are demeaning—Each other; all the while
Get going, away, before I get riled
Get away, go, I can’t take it
Get going, please, my mind won’t make it
Along the road of false and fake
Along the valley of lies, flowers laced
Along the gravel of illusions, running fast paced
Farewell
Chipped, like the teeth of an elder,
Lines etched as if the wrinkles of worrying and time
Deep, like a blackened never-ending hole
Faint, the vulnerable fluttering of a heart
Dropped multiple times, as if covered by oil
Jagged, like a broken shard
And still breaking
Rough, rubbed ruby red raw
Prickling, eerily empty
With every word forced
Through prison cell walls
(You call them gritted teeth)
Attempt to put your emotions into feelings,
Go on...
I’ve tried.
It’s like speaking a forgotten language
Yes…
Call me broken and bitter
I think I’m wholesomely sweet
You call it misunderstanding
I call it your refusal to believe
You say I don’t love
I love but refuse to show
Do you see the glass falling?
Shattering--
Piercing…
Those are called tears,
My tears don’t fall
They don’t “splash” on the floors—
They crash around me…
Exploding
My heart isn’t cold as you say
Isn’t grayed without feeling
It’s a gentle petal on a rose!
It bleeds a brilliant red
Blood floats to the floor
A petal falling off a rose
Did you know?
Every rose has its’ thorns…
Do go on,
Please tell me,
Remind me.
Smile sadly and say you love me
While wearing a painted mask
Your mask of disappointment
Yes, I know it.
I do things to make me happy,
Call me selfish, go on!
Do it.
We know you want to
I don’t consider your feelings
After all,
But isn’t it ironic?
You never considered mine…
Every.
Single.
Time.
You considered yours
Never ever mine.
Silly, isn’t it?
I’m my mothers child…
Except, I’m the selfish one.
A pity to me,
Well…
Carpe diem, love
I’m seizing the day.
Today I bid you adieu!
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:38 pm
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