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At popular request, I have written a guide to insulting n00bs, spammers, trolls, illiterates, trash talkers, txt talkers, 1337 speakers, and various other forms of annoying internet species.

A Guide to Insulting Trolls
~by Seikonai

First, we lay out a few rules.

1.Begin by carefully considering the level of offense to which you have been subjected. From there, you must then decide just how much of an earful (or eyeful as it may be) this n00b deserves.

2.Wax eloquent. We want to assert our intelligence and just how offended we are, correct? You want this offensive n00b to be both cowed and impressed by your vocabulary and literacy. Be as eloquent as you possibly can. Use long words, drawn out sentences and obscure references. Just be sure you know what the words mean and where the references come from. It just wouldn't do to make a silly mistake and be called out on it by pr in front of your intended victim.

3.Always, always proofread before you click that 'Submit' button. I've said it already and it bears repeating, we don't wish to look like idiots because of small mistakes. That is for the n00blets to do, not us.

4. Never resort to petty name calling and cursing. We are better than that and can insult them without stooping to such crude methods, right?

5.Be careful not to say anything that is reportably offensive. We're much to clever for that, aren't we?

6.Following that, we ask ourselves an important question. What should we do first? Laugh, or swear profusely to ourselves?

The answer, of course, is swear profusely to ourselves-not to them of course, as we have a much better and carefully prepared response than mere cursing.

Follow this simple format and you'll be insulting n00blets with ease, leaving them in confused awe at your literate 1337ness:

Insult them heavily and eloquently. Be sure to insult their lineage back to the stone ages, including several species/diseases/hygiene problems and/or bodily deformities for each branch of the family. Remember to cleverly insult their own personal hygiene, level of intelligence, living conditions, diet, health, opinions and possessions. Don't forget to mention that their cats have mange and their dogs have rabies. Among the last of your comments, always include that their car was hit by 'insert large vehicle here', their 'insert close family member' tortures small animals for fun and that their 'insert pet' has been eaten by a toothless 'insert carnivore'.

Last but not least, come up with a simple task, insinuate that they are clearly incapable of performing said task and then sarcastically offer them a cookie if they can. An Ebola cookie.
~~

See, wasn't that fun, easy and satisfying? Just follow these simple steps and you'll be insulting annoyances in no time! No n00b will be able to stand before your awesome literate might.

rolleyes Ok, fine. Ruin my fun why don't you.

I'm glad you found this guide useful. biggrin

biggrin None taken.

Thank you. I shall alternate between the two methods.

Note to all guide users: While retaining grammatical integrity, don't actively try to use long words or sound smart. It'll make you look worse than the troll in question.

How about, I say, we just scrap this thread?

Rule number 12. If you'd like to quote a "txt tlk" post made by some n00b on Gaia, feel free to do so, but please make fun of the post and not of the n00b themselves, as this is counterproductive.

I'm pretty sure this applys to trolls too. Ignoring them will be fine enough.

If that's not good enough for you, then block them.

sweatdrop

Please, no mod/member friction...