Random Mr. Pilkington facts.com

[Mr_Pilkington]

I am trying to gather some "facts" for my new website randommrpilkingtonfacts.com
So post away!


Thus people have entered:

Mr. Pilkington drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Mr. Pilkington has two settings. Drink, and Binge.

The chief export of Mr. Pilkington is bad humor.

There is no chin behind Mr. Pilkington's goatee. There is just another Razer Boomslang.

Mr. Pilkington has beaten Xero in Nightmare mode, twice a day since 1847  

[Desdemona Legardored]

Mr. Pilkington's breakfast consist of frosted kiddie meats and a coffee pot full of blood.  

[Mr_Pilkington]

Thus far people have added:


Absolute Destiny has a summer home in Mr. Pilkington's groin.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Pilk.

He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Mr. Pilkington's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

Pilk invented the internet. All of it.

Mr. Pilkington lies all the time. Even when the truth serves better, Pilk will lie anyway.

Think different, think Mr.Pilkington

Aquaman owns a pair of Pilkington Raptor pajamas.

Whenever Mr. Pilkington masturbates, people get hurt.

Pilk can kill two stones with one bird.

I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.

He plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.

Mr. Pilkington would put on a white tie and tails and would walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Addy, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes Pilk had to shoot the maid.

He once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

He knows the last digit in pi.... Pilk claims is between 0 and 9.

Mr. Pilkington can speak Braille.

Mr. Pilkington invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Koop invented pink.

Pilk date raped David Bowie

The Mr.Pilkington look

The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Mr. Pilkington, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

He breastfeeds John Madden!

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Mr. Pilkington didn't kill you in your sleep.

Pilk has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

Mr. Pilkington taught his son how to drive by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Pilk said "it would have happened sometime."

He framed Roger Rabbit.

Pilk always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of live knuffels and a sledgehammer.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Mr. Pilkington. ******** you team.

The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Mr. Pilkington was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

Mr. Pilkington can rename, delete, or even "send to email" the Recycling Bin.

He knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

Mr. Pilkington's clothes are made out of the skins of fallen carebears.

He once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching the Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, & the game beat itself out of fear.

Mr. Pilkington once met Kitsuner on the street. Pilk into laughter, Shouta burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.

He defied MC Hammer and touched it.

Mr. Pilkington's breakfast consist of frosted kiddie meats and a coffee pot full of blood.

He gave a hand-job to a manta ray.

You cant stop Mr.Pilkington

Mr. Pilkington like to keep bawls in his mouth XD

We once had a bachelor party for Mr. Pilkington. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Mr. Pilkington can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Pilk was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his b***h.

He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him.

To attain inner peace, Pilk eats Buddhists.

The popular videogame "Doom 3" is based loosely around the time David Violence borrowed two bucks from Pilk and forgot to pay him back.

They used Pilk's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.

He can predict the shuffle on his Omni-Fi.

Endless possibilities with Mr. Pilkington

Mr. Pilkington ate the first dinosaur ever created. Gaou! Gaou!

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Mr. Pilkington during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

He once ate the bible while water skiing.

Mr. Pilkington can strangle you with a cordless Mouse and/or keyboard.

Every time you masturbate, Mr. Pilkington makes another GOD DAMNED Yatta sequel.  

[Mr_Pilkington]

Mr. Pilkington created the human race.

Mr. Pilkington’s semen and excrement is the secret ingredient in the Trail Mix you eat that frightens away Robert Goulet

What rolls down stairs? Alone or in pairs? And runs over your neighbors dog? Looks great for a snack? And fits on your back? It’s Mr. Pilkington

Mr. Pilkington is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Mr. Pilkington cannot predict the future; the future just better ******** do what Mr. Pilkington says.

Mr. Pilkington doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Mr. Pilkington is the reason for all these horror movies

Mr. Pilkington once fired Donald Trump

Mr. Pilkington created air, every time you breath he gets a quarter

Mr. Pilkington also owns the sole rights to the The Birthday Song and all of the Beatles’ albums….. And he loves children. Especially with mustard

Mr. Pilkington once blew up an orphanage, because he couldn't find anyone’s parents inside .

Mr. Pilkington Can believe its not butter

Mr. Pilkington is so precise he can split atoms in Adobe Premiere

Mr. Pilkington Single handedly cast Lucifer out of heaven. Not because he was the most beautiful angel, nor because he went against God’s will, these were tales made up to hide the heavy reality of the situation. Pilk is just and inconceivably belligerent a*****e!