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 Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:09 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 4:42 pm
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A few weeks prior to New Dawn...
"It's been so long. It seems, we're all in different worlds now. We've grown apart, drifted. Still aching, yearning for each other, I'd like to believe. I wonder where he is now, I wonder if he's in pain, I wonder if he's safe, if he's tired, if he's happy. Without me. I don't know where I'm supposed to go anymore. Everything's dimming out, but there's still that small flickering light. Sael. I want to hold you in my arms...
Time sure has passed.
But of course, I'm still me. Mika. So much has gone on, life has been rather dull, but hey, it's not completely colorless. I guess, I've grown some more. There really are so many more ways to enjoy life than just stealing. Although, the best is still being with the one you care most about, I'm still walking forward, hoping to bump into him some time. I've been doing lots. Working part time at bars, watching the scenery in solitude, 'picking up' treats here and there, and honing my skills. I have to be prepared for sure when I encounter danger. Actually, it's been quite peaceful though. I'm not one to get into a fist fight anyways. I just slip my way around places and make merry. Life is but a dream.
Many many men have all tried to court me, but alas, none have satisfied. I sure do get myself in a lot of trouble working around in sleazy places like the old bars downtown and the secret Rogue taverns. Heehee, being a waitress is a lot of fun, I swear. Wait, but it's not because I seduce men or anything! I just really like seeing the smile on the lonely people's faces. They're always so down and blue y'know, but even just a slight glimpse of glee and it gets me all giddy too. There's just such a deep soft spot in me now, something about making the sad people smile a little bit. It reminds me of him, reminds me of his loneliness, his timid, silent demeanor, his smile.
Bah. Hey. Life's all not that easy either. There're lots of chicks who'd kill to be in my place. And uh, some grunts too. I'm pretty glad I have the skills to whish and whoosh about. Places are easy to infiltrate and exit as I please, but uh, sure, of course I have some integrity too! I don't even make a living out of stealing anymore... excepts for a few hearts here and there, teehee. Umm. I'm in good terms with both the lower and upper class, and of course the townsfolk. I guess when you're lonely, you end up straying around and melting into the company of other people. My heart's been pretty warmed up, but the warmer it is, the bigger this certain loneliness grows. If only I could bring him around with me again, if only I could see him smile, be happy, blush, haha.
Shh, don't tell anybody but, the Rogue guild totally assigned me as a spy! It's probably 'cause I'm such good friends with everybody. Those meanies, the called me a "flirty chick" or something like that. I don't go around undressing or anything, ugh. But yeah. I occasionally have to give them the status of the town and its outskirts, and the neighboring ones too, once in a while. There are times when I get sent really really far as well. I get to "establish more relations" though! In other words, make more friends. It's difficult, since I have to deliver messages and kind of remember a lot of things, but being a public relations officer is really really fun. And since it's been quite a long time too, they made me head. Hahaha. But eh, no one really takes it seriously, I force them not to. After all, we're all comrades.
I love the warmth and energy of the people when I go around greeting them, just thinking about all the smiles I get already fills me up with joy. As a waitress, as a rogue, as a public relations officer. As a being. This is what I live for. Joy."
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Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 7:40 pm
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Currently; New Dawn
"Scary.
Reality has once again shaken itself, me and many more swallowed in it. I never thought I'd see this much anguish all at once before. I thought I'd already be able to leave all the sorrow behind, I was wrong. I never thought this city that I resided in and loved so much would become such a putrid battlefield filled with blood and pain. It's now dry with apathy and fear, drowning in panic and delusion.
I have to go back.
To this. To war, to suffering, to soberness. The smiles have all fled people's faces, and so has it on mine, it seems. I cannot call it back, not now. I'm trapped too, and there's nothing I can do but fight and survive. Just like before. Just like when I was a lowly shrimp, alone. Stealing from everybody just to live. Hated by everyone, really. Unable to atone for anything I've done, just because I couldn't. If I atoned, I would starve, I would die. It was so scary, sad. I stood only for myself, and pleased only for myself. Nothing was truly worth it. That's where I am now, again. Without a choice. Confused. Scared.
Alone.
I can't stand to see all these people whom I've made bonds with lose themselves and their lives. It hurts so much. Especially because if I myself don't kill them, I would too. Only adding to the meaningless tragedy rampant in the city. I don't know what to do anymore.
But I have no choice, right now, all I can do is...
Survive.
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