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A Guide to Giving Helpful Advice |
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I post infrequently on the Life Issues forum - no, I'm not a masochist*, I'm the weird sort of person who actually likes helping others. Yes, even when they send me annoying PMs. I notice a lot of replies in which the poster is genuinely doing a very good job, giving out helpful advice that can really aid the person who was seeking it. There are some replies, however, that are either muddled, unclear or just plain bad. I decided to make a list of points that I feel really make a response helpful as a resource and reminder for both myself and anyone who stumbles across my journal**.
-Word your response clearly. -Watch out for harsh words. -Know what you're talking about. -Add something to the thread. -Know when not to reply. -Bonus: Provide Links to outside resources.
Word your response clearly: If you're giving out advice but nobody understand what you're saying, it's not very helpful advice at all! I'm not just referring to using proper grammar and spelling, either (although that's important too!). Sometimes, a sentence that sounds just fine while you're typing it could be garbled, repetitive or just plain make no sense when read. In order to avoid this, I recommend reading over your post before you submit it. Sometimes, I will read a sentence out loud when I'm not sure if it sounds weird or not - I've always found it helpful to hear what I'm trying to say. Watch out for harsh words: Anyone who knows me, be it on Gaia or in real life, knows that I can be a real b***h. However, I know that Life Issues is not the place for that. People come to this forum looking for help with their personal issues - they're incredibly vulnerable by putting themselves out there. While nobody should be babied, the gentler approach is generally the wiser one when it comes to people's personal lives. Read over what you're saying carefully and check your word choices. Some words come off harsher in text than they might when speaking face to face.
Know what you're talking about: This should seem pretty straightforward, but I've noticed some posters don't follow this nonetheless. If you don't know what you're talking about, you shouldn't be saying it. In the event of someone needing serious attention, either for a medical or mental health issue, they should be referred to a professional. Period dot the end. The most helpful thing you can do at this point is provide them with is information and help on how to get access to said professional. Even if you think you know what is going on, there are any number of diseases, disorders, syndromes and normal bodily happenings that could match what the person is going through. There is no internet replacement for the expertise, tests, equipment and facilities that only a trained professional can provide in real life.
Add something to the thread: Replies that consist solely of "I don't know, lol" are not at all helpful, and may only be frustrating to the person who took the time to make the thread. If you're just quoting someone else's advice without adding any insight or input of your own, don't bother - it's already been said, and we don't need to hear it again. Now don't get me wrong, quoting can be fine, but it's important to add information of your own in with the post. If you're just posting to agree with someone else's advice, why do you agree with it? What experience have you had to lead you to that conclusion? Give some kind of information of your own along with the quote, otherwise it might as well be spam. This ought to fall under common sense, but I still see it: Posting only an internet catchphrase or funny picture, even if applicable to the situation, is not helpful and just belittles the person's issue. Don't do it!
Know when not to reply: Some of this ties in to the advice above - if you can't think of a nice way to put it, it may be better to not say anything at all. If you don't know what you're talking about or you simply have no advice for the person, don't reply. However, there's another part to this - inappropriate threads for Life Issues, especially validation-seeking or suicide threat threads. For some reason, people feel the need to berate people for not following the rules. This is not at all helpful and may compound the problem this person may be having. While suicide threat ("I'm going to kill myself!" wink and validation-seeking ("Am I pretty?/Am I fat?" wink threads are against the guidelines for the Life Issues forum, these threads often come from a root of an actual self-esteem or depression issue. With any inappropriate thread, I recommend reporting it and moving on. Replying to inappropriate threads, even if you have good intentions, does not help anyone and only keeps those threads at the top of the forum while real Life Issues threads fall off.
Bonus: Provide Links to outside resources: This is a very helpful thing to add onto your posts, but is not needed in all cases. If you looked at other websites when writing up your response, link to them in your post. If the person is asking about birth control, provide them with links that give information on the different methods. If the person is asking about coping with a family member's illness, provide them with links to an online support group for that illness. Et cetera. Any resources that you may stumble upon easily could really help someone who might be a little too flustered with their issue to go looking themselves.
*Yes I am. **Who am I kidding, nobody reads this thing anyways.
sakanaya · Tue Aug 21, 2007 @ 08:10am · 0 Comments |
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