Friday night I was on gaia, my parents were out, as always, and I was all alone. After a night of role playing and intensive hell girl watching I eventually went to sleep around midnight. The hallway light is out right now so my room looks scarier in the dark then it normally does. I was freaking myself out like I normally do without trying, but this time, it was different. I was frightened and alone, not just alone in the house, but I felt alone. This overpowering feeling of loneliness blurred out all thoughts (Does that sound really cheesy to you? Cause it does to me) At this point I think my parents came home but I was still awake, so when they went upstairs to check and make sure I was still alive (This is normal) I was still awake. I lied and said I had a nightmare, not wanting to worry them, they asked if everything was alright and I lied and said yes. When they went back downstairs to go to sleep I started crying, then I fell asleep.
So this makes me wonder, why am I so lonely. I know I'm not always alone (That would be sorta odd) but I feel alone. So am I alone? Do people really like me and want to be my friends like they say they do? Or am I bringing this upon myself? Am I excluding myself? It seems like sometimes, people only talk to me out of pity. So am I being pitied? Is that it?
I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but I don't know who to talk to, I'm worried my friends won't understand or think it's as serious as I feel. I'm afraid to talk to my parents, what if they don't understand, what if they just give me the regular answers or pep talk? I don't know what I want, I just don't want to be myself for a while. Again, I feel lonely, because I don't know who to talk to about this, does my problem even matter? I sound just like every other whiny emo kid who think their problems are more important then anything else. So I don't really think it's important, I guess it won't matter when i get out of this depression.
Schizophrenic Lunchbox Community Member 
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