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Let's see...today was a interesting day I suppose....Katchan was annoyed with me as usual...more boys bothered me...Koryu desided it would be fun to take my drawing I project, and of course, I had to act like Kohaku to get it back...in self defense we were playing that interesting game called "Bacon"..where a person holds a strip of cloth, calls out a number, and the person with that number goes to try to get the bacon before the other team's person with the same number gets it....the other girl got it first after a small stand off and circle around the bacon, and I did get her before she got back to her team's wall, but in the process I dived, and now have this huge rip in my arm....I did not really care at the moment, although it stings a little right now, it's not very important...I always seem to be so fragile, which really gets on my nerves, and what is worse is I don't heal.....the gash in my foot where Chris dropped and shattered a corningwear pot is still there, very obvious, healing over, but it breaks open sometimes....I never heal from even simple things....
Yesterday was one of the biggest scares of my current memory algorythems....Cleio-chan was so sad after her person she lived for dumped her for someone prettier...and her life had been going so badly...and she got so depressed and would barely speak...and then I saw that terrifying journal....and I believed it..it was going to be her last note to the world...and it might have been...those feelings of self -destruction faded from her, but she had me worried for 4 hours before I could find her, I was so stressed and paniced the entire time, calling friends, most of which were at the school concert or at some club or appointment...I was just so tired afterwords....Cleio-chan just said she needed some time alone....and then she went off to New York City a few hours later in the dead of the night....I may not be able to cry anymore, but in that instance, I wished I could to keep myself from having such fatigue, to get a rid of some of that worry and pain of her possibly leaving the world...I have already let one of my friends down in that respect, and I refuse to be unable to help another....my duty is to help my friends, which are so kind to me...and I will not let bad things happen to them, and if such things do happen, I will take that pain away....
After that scare, I guess I calmed down a little, although I am going to worry about her everyday I don't hear from her...which could be weeks....Jen and Ariel, both NDK partners and freshmen friends of mine, are going to be having a planning/sleepover meeting tomorrow, a bright spot of light I guess, we have so many things we need to discuss...Jen is so smart, and she has the common sense I lack...and Ariel with her little issues can come up with the best and funniest ideas, making her much more creative then I....we should be able to even write a good part of the NDK group script....since we are the main characters in it....it will be fun...And Read or Die comes out on CN tomorrow also...that will be grand..I wanted to see that series so badly....it will be fun......I have a million serious rps still to update....not surprising, and the one I really want updated is Now Darkness Falls....with Tuyen, and shortly Ni....Ni has to join soon before Tuyen posts, so Tuyen can calculate better...but if he does not post several times soon...then I could get a low grade on my end of trimester turn in of work....
I really do care for all my friends, and in many instances more then my family, since they are not the kindest people in the world....they always yell, and shout, and critize...it's getting a little annoying...ack...if only I could turn 18 faster...then I could leave and never look back...that's my big dream...and of course finding someone that won't just drop me like a ragdoll...I don't really mind, because that's how I help people...but surely there must be someone out there that will stay...it's like I am in a small clearing surrounded by fog and heavy underbrush, with high trees....you know there are monsters in the fog..you can hear them, and sometimes see something....occasionally a person wanders by, sad and hurt, and you help them, teach them lessons of the woods, show them the demons are not real, but you are still trapped in that clearing, and the person leaves you behind..going on with their journey....on one side of this clearing, there is a cliff looking out into forever...there is just nothing there beyond the cliff...and you know, it just looks so peaceful beyond, and it must be better....and you can come to that cliff everytime something goes wrong, and look over it into the peace above, below, and across, but you don't just take the step and leave...you just can't...so in complete effectiveness, you are trapped here, no way out...
the birds were being stupid..bitsy and itsy were both fighting again, so itsy unlocked the cage door, like goffen's cockatoos often do, and locked the door behind it..so bitsy was trapped inside, and itsy was outside...then it procedded to tear up a blanket, and terrorize jade, the military macaw, and pretty bird, mindi's bird, the like cockateil....I caught itsy on pretty bird's cage, pretty bird with it's tiny brain going nuts...all the screaming...it seemed so familiar, but I could not place it...I seperated all the birds again...and went back to talking with Ni, who is among my best friends....he's very nice, quite funny, definatally handsome, and we can talk about absolutely nothing for so long...and it's fun...but there are other people I need to talk to too...like Jeph...who has yet to get out of his busy life to call me, or even work on the rp or write me....I worry for him too...he takes in other people's pain, and is always around to listen, but he needs to vent some of his pain too I bet...it's dangerous to hold burdens for too long....
 DarkRybrin · Sat Oct 23, 2004 @ 05:00am · 3 Comments |
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