Sometimes I just have to wonder who I really am. I just went to a rock concert - free, out in the open sort - and the crowd got really rowdy, so I left. That was quite frightening and I don't care to repeat the experience. Made me reevaluate myself. I mean... despite all the parties and stuff... I guess I am a very peace-loving person inside, after all. Maybe... maybe this will be my downfall - who'd notice me anyway?
I really don't know what to think at the moment. Life feels like I'm being Tossed and Thrown in the midst of the ocean and there's no one to save me, no anchor I can cling onto and cry on. I know I learnt how to trust and love again... but as for committing my heart... I'm not sure I can do that just yet. But...
Oh how I long to! How I long to be able to Trust someone fully, Trust that they'll never leave me, never break this heart of mine, and Trust that no matter what... I can count on them to be my anchor. I just want someone who'd make me feel safe... secure. But I don't think I could allow just anyone to...
Thank God for my close friends on Gaia... and out of Gaia [the people on Yahoo and MSN whom I've gotten to know better]. Thank you so much for being there. I'm sure... with your encouragement... I'll be able to make the right decisions concerning my heart in awhile. Because I can't live without love, and you all know it. Even though I seem to be doing quite alright without it.
I have church tomorrow. I think I really need to go and feel God's presence, rest and think about where all this is headed. I know I'll trust my heart again. Soon.
... But for now... I shall retire to bed. Good night.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance Never settle for the path of least resistance Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter When you come close to selling out Reconsider Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance...
AngelRaz · Sat Jun 18, 2005 @ 04:05pm · 0 Comments |