here is some jokes i found..
Yo momma is so fat, when she steped off the curb I tried to swerve around her but I ran out of gas.
Doesn’t have the brainpower to toast a crouton
The golden years
I cannot see I cannot pee
I have no heart I cant fart
My hearing skinks my memory shrinks
My body’s drooping got trouble pooping
The golden years have come at last
The golden years can kiss my ***
There was an old man, a boy and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride.As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed positions. Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so they decided that they both should ride. They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of this story: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your a**.
on't you just love............
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where
my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
That’s right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they? (The asylum is my guess)
5. When something is 'new and improved!’ Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
must have been something before it.
6. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
Yes, the bus has come. That's why I'm standing here waiting for it
7. People who say things like 'my eyes aren't what they used to be. So
what did they used to be? Ears, gum, boot?
8.When your eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
really revolting, I always eat stuff I hate.
9. People who announce they are going to the toilet.
Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
10. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks 'Are you alright?’
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
Awesome signs found around the world!
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back, or further steps will be taken.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock — doorbell out of order.)
On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Criss Angel Luver 101 Community Member 
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