That's just how it turns out, you know? A repeating, detrimental error that continues to occur despite your best efforts to keep it from happening. A frequent, fatal flaw that fails to stop flashing in your face at every faint turn or fracture. And it hurts. It's what compounds the anger and the upset into a dark, suffocating cloud. I really wish I could just blow it all away, sky high or below the rubble. Something. Anything.
It seems I've stolen something that isn't mine to take, and I had no want for in the first place. I just ended up with it forced into my hands, and try as I might I couldn't lightly give it back. Why would I want a thing as fragile and as solitary as a heart? Those feelings I will not share, those thoughts that are not mine, and the path I will not walk; a question posed before me, and someone once trusted begging to be reconsidered.
Reconsider a heart? A deathly poison in disguise? I will have to squeeze I guess, until they go away, and give up the foolish pursuit. Take back their heart, and hopefully come away without lasting damage.
I've hurt many. I've hurt a few in particular that mean worlds of importance.
I don't like the cycle.
So it comes time again to deny; to wiggle out of a difficult place and take off running at full speed. Why does this always happen? What do I do wrong, that makes people cut themselves apart and try to hand me a piece? When I'm cold and distant, people grow angry or worry. When I'm affectionate and happy, they take it to far and it all falls to ruin anyway. Why can't I win? I just don't understand...
There's one piece of blackmail, a tribute to my memory, that I might accept. One, and only one. No one I have yet to even glimpse upon holds it. I wish people would stop trying...they can't be what was lost and gone, though in the process they can cause me a greater amount of pain. And it's known how a cornered creature can inflict such damage. The funny thing is, I never mean to in the first place. All the more reason to n** this in the bud; a minor scratch is better then a massive hemorage, yes?
I really wish someone could understand the feeling. The history behind the thoughts, and the emotions behind time.
But it's all just another mask. Hollow is my chest; I cut myself for the cause long ago.
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Roleplay is life. <3
Thank you to my Tulip Anon!
Questing: 3 RTs. This is going to be a very long-term goal.
Sugar Mason!
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