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They really go by quickly, when you have no life. Hiking and running around one day, sparring and dealing with drama another. In between then homework and sleep, with some meager free time for writing.
First and foremost on my mind is my sadness. I've been so happy for weeks, and then got into a crash, I guess you could say. I keep forgetting that many of the individuals I associate with are nothing but people in disguise. Maybe I have too high expectations? It's not too high for others, though all of that group of friends who are always so on the ball...they are all older. Most of my friends are older, and as I gain years, they get considerably older in proportion to my age.
Maybe because I can't take drama? Because I want to be in a place where I feel accepted? I know I feel accepted with a few friends; definitely not in my guilds. Another reason to avoid roleplaying? The environment is stifling and unbending in nature; you know you won't be accepted, and many situations prove this. I really, really need to stop forgiving, even as I remember each and every one that has come to pass.
Anyway, I'm disappointed. And I wish my friends weren't people, but actually individuals. No one wants to fall under my definition of 'people'. It's cruel.
Away from that, though I'll dwell on it for a while, I'm still trying to surmount the drama that's been occurring with my relationships. People want romance? They can go die! *happy smile* In just the past two months I've had to put down four friends, all of whom I've had for a long time. One is a repeat offender, but I still love her. *giggled* They ask me out, and I say no. I don't even have to think about it, it's so automatic. Bad for their hearts, and I have to run damage control for a while.
My sparring partner is the most persistent, and my chef-friend is the most patient; they both could wait forever, but the sparring partner is inclined to get what he wants sooner then later. Bad. Bad. Bad. It's going to take forever to get it out of both of their heads, with a drill if necessary. Round Four is on Friday with my sparring partner, in so many ways. We'll see where we get with the discussion, yes? He does awful things to my heart, but I'm going to win! And he needs to get a girlfriend that's not me. *nodnod*
Hiking was on Tuesday, and I got such bad burns; we reached the top of a peak, however, and could see to Kansas! Six hours total, it longer to go up then to go down. I love hiking! And my patient friend informed me I'm a lot like the curiosity sphere from Portal; follow this Link. We found a cave and my instant reaction was 'Ooooh. What's in here?'; a multitude of other reactions led him to this response. It was entertaining.
We had cheesecake after dinner (our picnic was good too), and played board games. Simple times make me so happy...
The Manor thread recreate is going well, although I loathe the layout thread, like no one's business. My PS is still not working *angst*, but I'm trying. I've also been skipping a great deal of homework lately, and must buckle down on it, instead of Gaia.
Wow. And that brings me right back to how upset I am. Funny, isn't it? If only all people were like those from my Philosophy Club...there would be more thinking and less herd-mentality.
 DarkRybrin · Thu Mar 27, 2008 @ 08:13am · 3 Comments |
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