mood: heart broken and lonely
Today's the first day of summer, and I already hate it. I miss him so much. I never had the guts to tell him that I loved him, and now I'll never see him again. I DIDN'T HAVE THE ******** GUTS AND NOW I REGRET IT!!!!!!!!! Well I wont see him for like 4 years. That's like a LONG a** TIME!!! He's moving but like 5 hours away to this one place idk. I did email him but i don't know if he got it. He said he wants to keep in touch with me but I don't know if he was lying. DAMN IT!!! WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE!!! It's nothing but a pain. I'd do anything for him ANYTHING!!! I lived a great year and it's come to an end. I'll never forget him, and I'll never try. he told me something that almost made me cry. I'll never forget his last conversation with me. All I have to remember him is a few pictures, one tiny comment, and the memories. He's like my drug and I'm addicted for life. He said he'll never forget me, but i know thats not true. I will be forgotten one day by everyone. But he'll linger in my memories and dreams forever. I know he'll never love me back but I DON'T REALLY GIVE A ********!!! I'll love him till the day I die and nothing anybody says will stop me. I told him everything except how i felt about him. I only hugged him once goodbye, I wish I could of stayed in his arms forever. I wish I could stop time and just be with him, and feel safe in his arms. I wish that we could just talk forever. my signature is true "if i can only be with you in my dreams then let me sleep forever" and it's true my dreams are only about him. I know i sound obsessed but i'm in love. I cried all day yesterday because i relized that it's the end of him, it's the end of the best part of my life. now all i can do is watch and rewatch my memories. thats all they are, memories. They'll never be real again. I learned so much from him. HE'S GONE, and he took apat of me with him. I've never been so happy, ever, but life hates me and want me to suffer. It sent him away. When he wasn't there i felt so empty, he completed me, no fake smiles, no mask to hide behind, i was exposed and he protected me, i've never felt this way. it came to an end yesterday.
well that was so emo but totally true. i poured my soul into that though. i ment every word of it.
well in other news since skool is out i have so much more time to work on my book.
i only have 3 pages complete sweatdrop but it'll be finished and hopefully published by the end of the summer. i know an an author who has his book published and he said he's going to help me publish mine. he's read most of my works (i.e. lyrics, begining of my book) and he said that i have more potential then he has ever had. he's determined to help me along my way. and he's also my editor. he loves my writing style. he's talking to his publishor so i have a good chance of getting it published faster. HOLLY ******** DUDE!!!! i can't belive i know him he's a life saver. i also can't belive i'm getting a cahnce like this. i also can't belive the price it's going to cost me anywhere between $600-$1000. but my autor friend is going to help me. i'm getting a job this summer (damn it i gotta work*dies*) so i can save up for this. I have the plot figured out and the charactors figured out now the only problem is writing it all down.
i have too much free time on my hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gonk gonk gonk i have absolutly no clue what i'm going to do this summer exept work on my book, and remember him.!?!?!?!?!
i wish i could just skip the next four years of my life so i could see him again. damn it damn it damn it all to ******** hell i don't want to foget him ever. i wish he was still here. i wish i could be with him. i wish somebody cared.
i cant even blast my music my mommy is sleeping
i ate a lot of sugary stuffs so now i'm sugar high but i will eventually crash
how do i feel right now?
biggrin i'm getting the chance to live out my dreams.
i miss him and love him and he's gone no matter what!
stare writing is such a pain in the a** but its totally worth it
gonk GONE!!!!!!!!!
scream why did he have to go and writings a pain in the a**
stressed damn it damn it DAMN IT why did he have to go
sweatdrop i only have 3 pages done and i'm raiseing my hopes too high
heart i'm getting to liv out my dreams and i still love him
domokun im just random like that
sad he's gone and i cant blast my music
eek i can;t believe that i'm getting such an awesome chance
confused idk what to write right now????
cool i always am
cry he's gone
evil i will hurt you no jkjk
twisted and now i will kill you no jkjk
exclaim wheeeeeeeeeee sugar high
question why did he leave
idea i got to write this down
mrgreen yay ideas
ninja super sneak atack!!!!!!!!
burning_eyes i just saw your face
cheese_whine i'm hugry and thirsty
emo he's gone and he took a part of me with him
YAH I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW!!!!
happy/ depressed/ confused/ bored
i'm thinking of him right now
love,
karin-chan
p.s.- the guy charactor is based off him
p.s.s.- I STILL LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE LITTLE PEICES OF MY BROKEN HEART!!!!!
the end... for now
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