A dying bouquet of white lillies is still sitting on the kitchen counter, a gift for Mother's Day long forgotten, now an archaic centerpiece, a worn-out display of pride or a desperate sentiment refusing to be tossed aside.
Just a second ago one of the petals fell off, a quick 'pop' and it sailed past the plastic champagne glasses onto the marble floor, right next to my toes. It fluttered just enough to make my hairs stand on end and jerk my foot away, and as soon as I did I felt terrible.
I'm suddenly reminded of a cancer patient feel a clump of hair come off in their hands. Is that what it feels like? Spontaneous loss that takes what feels like a lifetime.
This must be why I enjoyed caring for plants instead of selling them. Knowing that people would neglect and mistreat their purchases, only to walk in a week later with a tragic tale of how "the weather is killing everything".
Like a life cut short, I start thinking of what could have been. Why didn't we plant these outside? Did they ever change the water in the vase? Were they even given a second thought the next day?
I've never enjoyed watching a plant's life end, because it's never quick, and it's never looked painless. It's drawn out, detailed, and persistent, steady until the end, as the color literally drains from it's face.
It makes me wonder why we use flowers as a token of our affection, or at the very least dead ones. "I love you, now enjoy these for about a week." Maybe people should plant gardens for affection, or maybe I'm being overly dramatic.
I take the petal from the floor, and walk it to the bathroom. I say a few words, thanking the flower for it's hard work to bring joy to a woman on a day no different, and I flush it, appreciating the irony of a lily's death. Tears need less salt.
I miss my garden more than ever, I want to plant a sunflower somewhere in this barren desert. I want the rain to wash away the sanity. I want a gift to be more than an afterthought.
But I really want that petal to have never fallen.
"If you've got the time to trample on other people's gardens, then why don't you make your own flowers bloom?"
Edible Substance · Fri May 30, 2008 @ 10:50am · 2 Comments |